[FFML] [SHnY] The Score of Haruhi Suzumiya
henry.cobb at gmail.com
Mon Sep 5 08:05:20 PDT 2011
Revised and extended to a full first chapter.
Only one (SOS-dan) power remains to be revealed, and it should be
[SHnY] The Score of Haruhi Suzumiya, chapter one.
By Henry J. Cobb
[The Haruhi Suzumiya characters and situations are the creation of Nagaru
Tanigawa. Other than that, he's blameless for the following.]
"Ah ha!" Haruhi Suzumiya threw open the door of the Literature Club
room. "I thought you'd be in here."
I looked over the shoulder of the crazy girl, who had introduced herself to
our class as wanting to live her life like the movies, and saw one person
in the room. By her slight frame, I would have judged her to be a middle
school student at most, but she wore the smallest North High School girl's
uniform I had seen.
The smaller girl looked up from the book in her lap. She had very pale
skin, short blueish gray hair and large glasses. She sat there for several
seconds looking at us silently, but she seemed distracted, as if she was
listening to something. Perhaps she wore one of those tiny radios that
would be hidden in the ear?
Suzumiya, who had recently cut her own hair short, marched over to the
corner where the girl sat and pointed at her. "Are you in the Literature
The girl nodded.
"Is there anybody else in this club?"
The girl shook her head.
"What is your special power?"
The girl's eyes darted to myself, then back to Suzumiya. She leaned back in
her seat and lifted her book up to hide her face.
"That's enough Suzumiya." I walked over to them. "Isn't it obvious that
you're scaring her? Let's go before you leave her emotionally scared for
"No." Suzumiya turned to me. "This is the only clubroom available and
there's only one person here. Obviously she must play an important role."
"What kind of logic is that?"
Suzumiya turned back to the smaller girl, placed a hand on the top of her
book, and forced it down from her face. "Spit it out. We're not leaving
until you tell us what is special about you."
"Suzumiya, that's enough."
"Close the door." The girl's voice quavered in a whisper.
"You heard her, Suzumiya. Let's go."
"Close the door, Kyon." Suzumiya stood with arms crossed, a smug smile on
"Fine, if that will get this over with." I closed the door and then
returned, to drag Suzumiya away by force if need be.
The girl put her book down in her lap again, then whispered, "I hear
"Ah ha! I thought so." Suzumiya clinched her fist in victory. "What kind of
The girl looked down at her book. "It isn't songs, just instruments. It
doesn't repeat." She looked back up at us with a faint blush on her
face. "I know it sounds crazy, but it helps me. Last week I was about to
step into the street while reading a book, and the music changed. I looked
up and saw a truck pass by. I know you won't believe me."
"Of course I believe you. That is exactly the sort of super power I want
in my club. I'm Suzumiya Suzumiya, action girl, and this is my boy hostage,
The girl book her book aside, rose and bowed to us. "I'm Yuki
Suzumiya ignored my glare. "You know, he gets kidnapped or threatened to
call me into action. He's my Lois Lane."
"What?" I stood there shocked.
"Does, does that mean he's your boyfriend?"
Suzumiya tilted her head to the side and thought about it for a few seconds
and then she turned to me with a smile as bright as a supernova, just
before a star would collapse into a black hole. She put her arm through
mine. "I suppose he must be, for the proper motivation and such. But Kyon,
this is no excuse for you to slack off. We have to keep the tension
up. Your job will be to complain and stumble into mysteries. Promise that
you won't surrender to me, no matter how many times I'm proved right and
"Rescue me from what?"
Suzumiya grinned and turned to Nagato. "What did your music sound like just
"See? It's foreshadowing. Yuki, you must join our club."
"What is your club?"
"Yes." Suzumiya released me and rested her chin on her hand. "It needs to be
a top secret organization, and we'll need a cover story to deal with the
school authorities. Yuki, do you have application forms for the Literature
Suzumiya tagged alongside as I walked down the hill from school. Was she
serious about my being her boyfriend? Didn't I get a vote about that?
"So, what is an action girl?"
"Let me show you, Kyon. Now watch me carefully." Suzumiya did four backflips
down the hill, then ran back and stopped me in place with a half dozen
kicks that stopped centimeters from my nose. She then stepped up, grabbed
me by the arm, and pulled me into motion again. "So Kyon, think carefully
"Think carefully about how you almost kicked me in the face?"
"No, that's not it. The real question is, what color are my panties?"
"What? What kind of question is that?"
"You didn't see them, did you?" She grinned.
"Uh." It was only Suzumiya's grip on my arm that kept me walking
forwards. The memory of a few seconds back was etched in my brain. The
sense of danger had been immediate. "Sorry, I didn't see them. My eyes
were focused on your shoes."
"See, I've got a magic skirt."
"It looks like a standard North High school uniform to me."
"It doesn't matter what I wear. I'm never exposed."
I didn't know what to say to that so I walked in silence. I had known that
all the sports clubs had begged her to join, and now I had seen why for
myself. That had been an example of Olympic class athletic ability.
At the station she spoke up again as I was unlocking my bike.
"Give me a ride to your house."
"I want to meet your family."
"What, to announce our engagement?"
"Nope. We've got to keep that a secret. Now do you want me to sneak after
you, or will you give me a ride?"
She rode in the same fashion that Sasaki had a few months previous,
standing on the back of my bicycle with her hands on my shoulder.
My little sister seemed pleased that I had brought another girl by, but
not half as much as my mother was. Suzumiya agreed when my mom asked her to
stay for dinner.
At dinner my mom was full of questions which Suzumiya cheerfully
answered. Suzumiya explained how we had both joined the Literature Club that
day and even brought up her own high class standing in middle school,
unbidden. She asked what my cell phone number was. My mom told her as
she entered it into her phone, then she made a test call right there, so I
would "have her number handy".
After dinner I escorted Suzumiya to our door.
She grabbed me and leaned in close. For a moment I thought she might kiss
me or something, but instead she whispered in my ear, "Thanks, Kyon. Now
that I know what your family looks like, I'll be able to rescue them when
they get kidnapped." She stepped back. "Well, goodnight. I'll see you in
class tomorrow." She waved and walked away.
I didn't need Miss Nagato's so-called gift to have an ominous feeling
myself. Suzumiya had said when, not if.
As I turned back inside I saw my mother standing there.
"She's such a nice girl. I fully approve."
That makes one of us, Mom. Unfortunately I didn't give voice to my doubts.
"Do you want to die, Kyon?"
I looked up from my bento at my fellow classmate. "Taniguchi, can't these
death threats wait until after lunch?"
"It's not a threat, it's a warning about Suzumiya. At the start of each
school year in middle school she'd find herself a boyfriend, and by
Christmas he was gone. The first year boy just vanished one day, the
second year boy fell off an overpass and under a truck, and the third year
boy was found in the school quad the morning after Tanabata, with parts
scattered around. Sure, Suzumiya's got the looks, but is it really worth
it to be victim number four?"
I had heard on the news about the brutal killing, but because the case had
involved minors, no names had been given. "If Suzumiya is a murderer, then
why hasn't she been arrested?"
"Oh she had a stone cold alibi each time, but the one and only thing the
three boys had in common was her."
"Well you've got it all wrong. Suzumiya is not my girlfriend."
"For your sake, you'd better keep it that way." Taniguchi removed his
hands from my desk and walked back to his.
Most of the class had seemed to ignore his outburst, but our class
representative, Ryouko Asakura, had been watching it carefully. She turned
away when our eyes met. I could see why Taniguchi rated her so highly. In
looks, grades and athletic ability, she was second only to Suzumiya, but
in sanity she far surpassed her of course. Another difference was that
Asakura had kept her long hair. When she pulled that back into a ponytail
for PE she had the definite advantage. If only she'd talk to me.
Taniguchi had waited until after Suzumiya had left for the cafeteria, and
to "patrol the school", before making his scene. A pity, as I would have
liked to see Suzumiya's legs again, as she was kicking his nose in. I had
replayed her demonstration in my dreams last night, but with an erotic
twist added to the danger. I had dreamed that I had caught one of her
legs, and kissed my way down it, as she made approving noises. I had
awakened just as I got to the hem of her skirt. Her madness did seem to be
rubbing off on me.
After classes Suzumiya rushed off for parts unknown, so at least I didn't
have her tagging along with me on the walk to the clubroom.
Miss Nagato was sitting in her corner chair by the window and looked up at
me when I entered the clubroom.
"Hi, Miss Nagato. What's your inner music saying now?"
She blushed and hid her face behind her book. Strange girl.
The cover of her book had a title in western script. English, German,
French or something like that. I turned to the two bookshelves and glanced
at the spines of the books there. Perhaps a third of the titles were
foreign and none of the Japanese books appealed to my tastes.
I sat down at the table and took out my homework, having nothing better to
do at the moment. After five minutes staring at the same math problem, I
was startled when the door flew open.
"Look who I brought!" Suzumiya dragged in a girl shorter than herself, but
who had a fuller figure than Nagato's and long brown hair. The new girl
seemed to be too terrified to resist, as Suzumiya pushed her into the
clubroom then closed the door behind them.
"Where did you kidnap her from?"
"I found her in one of the sophomore classes."
"Why did you kidnap her?"
Suzumiya reached from behind to grab the other girl's chest. "She's so
small and cute, but she has a bigger pair than I do! And they're real!
Having her around is sure to attract the sorts of villains who swing the
other way from you, Kyon."
The girl squealed loudly under Suzumiya's attentions.
The door flew open again. A girl with long dark green hair was standing
there. "Unhand Mikuru-chan at once!"
"Damn! I should have locked the door. Well, I found her, so she's mine."
"This is your final warning. I am the eldest daughter of the Tsuruya
family, and heir to the Tsuruya crane style." Miss Tsuruya adopted a
martial arts pose.
"I'm Haruhi Suzumiya, and I say bring it." Suzumiya pushed her captive
behind her and turned to Miss Tsuruya.
Tsuruya advanced, and in no more than ten seconds the two girls traded at
least a dozen kicks and punches. I couldn't track it all, but it seemed as
if every attack was blocked. I was amazed that neither girl seemed to bump
into the wall or table, in spite of the narrow space they fought in.
Tsuruya took two steps backwards to the open door then bowed. "My
compliments to your teacher, Miss Suzumiya. Please take good care of
"I'm self taught."
"As you say." Tsuruya bowed again, but just slightly, and closed the door
Suzumiya rushed over to lock the door, then turned back to her
prize. "Well, Mikuru, what's your full name?"
"Mikuru Asahina. What's this all about?"
"You heard Miss Tsuruya. You're mine now, so you're going to join our
"But I'm already a member of the Calligraphy Club."
"Then quit that."
Miss Asahina looked around the clubroom. Miss Nagato was still hiding
behind her book and I just shrugged.
Suzumiya advanced to use her slight height advantage to stare down at Miss
Asahina. "Look, I can tell that you have some sort of special power. Tell
me about it."
"But there's nothing unusual about me."
My pity for the newcomer overcame my fear. "Forget it, Suzumiya, she's not
going to play your game."
"Oh?" Suzumiya turned to Miss Asahina. "Mikuru, please tell us about your
totally ordinary life."
"The Tsuruya family found me on their doorstep as an infant and raised me
as their maid. That's it. There's nothing unusual about me at all."
"Fine, you're free to go for now." Suzumiya unlocked and opened the
door. "But Mikuru."
"Come here tomorrow after classes with your maid outfit. You can drop it
off in this room when you arrive at school."
"I can't do that."
"Tell Miss Tsuruya that it's an order from me."
Miss Asahina nodded timidly at this, then rushed through the open door.
As she walked beside me down the hill from school, Suzumiya seemed
especially pleased with herself.
I decided to risk popping her bubble. "So what happened last Tanabata?"
"You heard about that? I suppose one of the other students from my middle
school must have tipped you off. A tragic case. I've resolved to never let
it happen again."
"So won't I be the next dead boy hostage?"
"The difference, Kyon, is that I will not work alone again. I'm gathering
a team of extraordinary students. This time when the enemy moves to take
the bait, that is you, I'll have them."
"What? Okay, I'll admit that you've got great fighting moves, but Nagato
and Asahina aren't a match for a small dog, combined."
"If I just wanted fighting strength alone, I would have recruited Tsuruya,
not Mikuru. No, I need somebody to cover my blind spots. Being able to see
everything about what I see just isn't enough."
She insisted on riding home with me again, and when my sister asked if she
had come to play, Suzumiya insisted that she had to help with my homework.
My mother seemed especially pleased as she brought tea and snacks to the
living room. She even got Suzumiya to call her "Mother".
We finished our homework just after my father arrived. I again escorted
Suzumiya to our door, and she again leaned in close to me.
"Why are you doing this?" I whispered.
"To keep you out of cram school of course. Your grades are horrible and
I'd rather not have you wandering out of my sight for several hours each
day." She disengaged from me, waved and walked off, with a big smile on
"Kyon, it's a pity that she couldn't stay for dinner. Please let her know
that she's welcome any time."
On Friday afternoon I opened the door to the clubroom to the sound of Miss
Asahina's shriek. She was changing out of her school uniform.
I jumped to the side, waited for Suzumiya to enter, then closed the door
I stood guard at the door until I was invited in.
"What do you think, Kyon?" Suzumiya pointed at Miss Asahina, who now wore
a maid outfit.
"She works as a maid, as she said."
Suzumiya clapped her hands twice. "Mikuru, make us tea." She pointed at
the tea set that hadn't been there yesterday.
"Yes, Ma'am." Miss Asahina bowed then set to work.
Suzumiya had her serve each of us tea, even Nagato who had been reading a
book through all of this. Then she asked me. "Well Kyon, what do you think
of the tea?"
"It's very nice. Obviously she's been practicing making tea for many
years, as part of her job."
Suzumiya switched to a foreign language and engaged first Nagato and then
Asahina in conversation. Nagato seemed to understand what was said, but
had a harder time speaking herself, while Asahina seemed perfectly fluent.
Then Suzumiya switched back to Japanese. "So, Mikuru, where did you learn
"I don't know French."
"Ah ha! I told you, Kyon."
"Told me what? And where did you learn French, Suzumiya?"
"From subtitles. Now, Mikuru, let's get your measurements." Suzumiya
pulled a measuring tape out of her bag.
I made my exit. There had been a strange note in my shoe locker that
morning and this seemed as good a time as any to follow it up.
More information about the ffml