[FFML] [Lime] The Eclipse of Haruhi Suzumiya
durandall at gmail.com
Fri Jun 24 23:14:12 PDT 2011
On Fri, Jun 24, 2011 at 10:34 PM, Henry Cobb <henry.cobb at gmail.com> wrote:
>> Kyon: Sasaki's influence.
> Note how his sister reacts to his "dates".
I really didn't catch whatever you were going for with that.
>>> She looked at the five books for a moment then picked up one of the three
>>> she had selected, walked over to the shelves and slid in back into
>>> place. She returned to the table, put the picture book on top of her other
>>> two selections and slid my first selection in my direction, "You check out
>>> that one please."
>> slid in -- slid it
> Sorry, but I don't get the issue here?
"...walked over to the shelves and slid in back into...."
That 'in' should be an 'it', I think.
>>> Walking arm in arm with a girl, was I'm afraid a rather unusual situation
>>> for me to be in, outside of a few times in junior high. I decided to
>>> start on my line of questioning, "So how was the search this morning?"
>> Sasaki again!
> Yes, any guess yet?
Nope -- but I've already gone into technical advice only-mode, so I'm
not really looking.
If there was some mystery I was supposed to be unraveling as the story
went on ... I didn't. I just took it as a story.
And ultimately, unfortunately, it's a story in a genre outside of my
comfort zone, as it turns out.
>>> For a moment I was almost jealous. She had just met him and she already had
>>> his number on her cellphone. Wait, had I just almost kissed her? How
>>> suicidal was I? I thanked whatever guardian angel it was that had made my
>>> sister save her own life by calling me just then.
>> No, Kyon, you didn't. _She_ almost kissed _you_.
> He's kicking himself for not resisting.
> Thanks for the spot checks, I'll be weaving those in.
I write fanfiction. Too much of it. You can read it here, thanks to a
kind grant from the Larry F foundation:
Together. Allegiance or death. BIGFIRE!
Haiku of my lament:
Forgive my spelling,
my U.S. education,
is the source of blame.
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