[FFML] [Fwd: Re: [Ranma/Marvel] Avenging Act IV Chapter 1]

[DB Sommer]

Yep, luckily this was forwarded since I didn't get it through the list. 
*sigh*

Bert Miller wrote:

 > I think I've skipped C&C'ing a few of these, so better get to this 
one while I have a moment.



% Cool.

 >
 > As always, an entertaining read.



% Great. That's always the first thing I go for.

 >
 > DB Sommer wrote:
 >
 >> Avenging
 >> Act IV
 >> The Hate Monger and the Peacemaker
 >> Chapter 1
 >>
 >>
 >> Captain Japan pointed an accusatory finger at her. “What did you do 
to my teammates?”
 >>
 >> The girl raised a quizzical eyebrow. “I’ve provided them with a 
headquarters, operating expenses, and a weekly stipend.”
 >>
 >
 >
 > Heh.



% Nothing like jumping to the wrong conclsusion.

 >
 >> Kodachi’s delight grew. “It’s an emergency only you can help me 
with. I need a dat… bodyguard, for a function tonight.”
 >>
 >
 >
 > Double heh.



% And yet it's still Ranmaesque.

 >
 >> “Traipsing about naked is your partner’s habit. You’ll be wearing 
the tuxedo. It should be ready in about two hours. Where shall my 
limousine pick you up?”
 >>
 >
 >
 > Heh. One wonders what Kodachi would have done if Bucky had answered 
the emergency signal?
 > Unknown to her, it was perhaps a 50-50 chance.



% I had considered having Ranma show up as Bucky as a means of 
cancelling, but this was better.

 >
 >> “And here’s the ‘Cobalt Canon’,” Fixer said.
 >>
 >
 >
 > Either you're missing an 'n' there, or you mean there's a canon 
standard for cobalt, which I tend to doubt.



% Right. Will change


 >> Mentallo sighed. This was not going to end well. He could feel it in 
his bones. At least there was one redeeming thing about the situation: 
there were no lesbians involved in it.
 >>
 >
 >
 > Heh. Kyousuke is still suffering from Madoka and Hikaru.



% And he probably will as long as it can be miled for laughs

 >
 >> “His pupils just became vertical slits. Did anyone pick up on that?” 
Mentallo asked.
 >>
 >> “They better to see you with, my dear, that’s all,” Orochimaru 
assured him as he shot a slender tongue out that licked the underside of 
his chin.
 >>
 >
 >
 > Heh.



% It was fun to have Mentallo as the voice of reason here

 >
 >> Justine finally seemed to notice the others, though she remained 
attached to Shuutaro’s arm. “Nice bodyguard,” she said to Kodachi in 
reference to the C.J..
 >>
 >
 >
 > I think you want to drop the "the" at the end, as well as one of the 
final periods.



right

 >
 >> Another man walked over to the gathering. He was an American in his 
late twenties with dark hair and mustache. On his arm was a striking 
redhead in a dress what showed off her rather obvious attributes. 
Kodachi identified him as Tony Stark. Finally, someone that did 
something. He was a genius in his own right, rivaling her own, and he 
owned his own business. Stark Industries was a rival thanks to its 
Japanese branch,
 >
 >
 > Odd stipulation for arms manufacturers; that's a global market if 
there ever was one.



% But they do high tech arms, stuff thrid world nations can't afford, so 
the market becomes more narrow

 >
 >> “Greetings, Miss Kunou. Nice mustache,” Stark said to the hero in 
only slightly accented Japanese as he kissed Kodachi’s hand.
 >>
 >> C.J. felt pride at his disguise being so excellent that everyone 
thought it was a real mustache.
 >>
 >
 >
 > Heh.



% Ranma and his disguises

 >
 >> one another. And, Captain Japan was incognito at that party. That 
was potentially worse. He was about to alert Orochimaru when a 
particularly strong thought came from one of the guests. He read it
 >>
 >> …And his heart froze.
 >>
 >> He turned to Fixer. “We don’t stand a chance of winning! We have to 
leave right now!” And flew out of the room as thought he demons of Hell 
were on his tail.
 >>
 >> Fixer hesitated a moment. What the hell had sent his partner 
packing? The Imperial Hydra would not be happy about them fleeing a 
mission without a valid reason, and he sure didn’t see one. You couldn’t 
run when one random drunk said he was going to beat on you. On the other 
hand, his psychic partner had seemed terrified.
 >>
 >> He went with Mentallo’s judgment. Oh well, they would simply hang 
together if it was something stupid.
 >>
 >> He caught up to Mentallo. “What the heck was that about?”
 >>
 >> Mentallo told him.
 >>
 >> “Oh god! That was there? I heard AIM had sold it, but I had no idea 
that was who had purchased it. Why didn’t I see it?”
 >>
 >> “Because it can make itself into a duplicate of anyone if it’s 
around them long enough.” Luckily being able to tell the Imperial Hydra 
who owned it now should keep them in his good graces, or at least what 
passed for them. Running inventory for the rest of one’s life was a hell 
of a lot safer than being annihilated with ones own power.
 >>
 >
 >
 > Interesting passage; leaves the reader eager to know more.



% Marvelites that have been around for a while probably know by now. 
It's who its connected to that's the key, technically four of the 
Avengers oldest foes

 >
 >> dates, and he was obviously sincere in having a good time. It really 
had been a near perfect evening, she thought as the sirens of fire 
engines, police cars, and ambulances headed toward the party. There was 
only one burning question in her mind.
 >>
 >> How could she make the second date top this one?
 >>
 >
 >
 > Heh.



% It leaves one wondering

 >
 >> [End chapter]
 >>
 >> Yay! We’re back. Yes, this one was a bit loaded with new characters, 
but I’m trying to keep how Mentallo probed a mystery at the moment, 
though there are probably some people who suspect based on previous 
chapters. A No Prize to those who know what Mentallo and the Fixer ran 
from and figured out who owns it, given the clues in previous chapters. 
The Mendous abilities are identical to Fenris (the Von Strucker twins). 
Heck, I even wrapped up Sasuke’s little subplot from way back in Act II.
 >>
 >
 >
 >
 > Yes, there were quite a few new characters, and not a great deal of 
plot, but it kept me amused.



% This is a bit of a set up for revealing the identity of one of their 
foes. It was one of the people in the group, one of which will be 
eliminated next chapter.

 >
 > Based on how Act III ended, I'd thought we would see the Sailor 
Senshi analogs in this chapter,
 > but I saw no sign of them.



% That is the second half of the act. Actually they will be introduced 
either in a single chapter at a time, or as an in-between chapters 
thing, like an interlude in the first half. I'm building up to them.
And early chapters of the acts will have a number of new characters. I'm 
going to start putting in the writer's forwards if they're villain of 
the weeks or major players so people don't get too confused.

% Thanks for the C+C. It's greatly appreciated.

DB Sommer

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