[FFML] [Exalted]The Broken Circle Prologue

miashara at deepfriedpuppies.com miashara at deepfriedpuppies.com
Sun Nov 15 11:22:20 PST 2009


Quoting DB Sommer <sommert at connecttime.net>:

> Been a while since we've heard from you. Let's see what's up. Not
> familiar with Exalted, BTW

Nice to talk to you again.

>> In the Forbidden City of Jaggerfall, upon a tower of glass and onyx  
>>  I  sat to plot revenge. Ever since Ash Maiden had died, I had   
>> haunted the black metropolis, watching the prismatic arrangement of  
>>  lights pour  down through empty turrets to the silent streets.   
>> Meditating on the  koans to control the seething anger had failed   
>> me finally, forcing me  to violent physical exertion in the forms   
>> until my arms felt like lead and my technique had degraded to   
>> sloppy movements my sensei would have  beaten me for, were he still  
>>  alive. Still I had continued from dawn  and through to the next   
>> night, practicing the first movements. While  peace proved elusive,  
>>  clarity came to me in time through the direct,  linear motions  
>> that  predicated mastery and I realized that seeking to  understand  
>> was  impossible. The murder was inscrutable as a koan, but   
>> possessed no  interior hidden meaning. It was simply a motive to do  
>>  what must be  done. Reconciling myself to revenge, I concluded  
>> that I  must  figure out the perfect way to do so, Then exhaustion  
>> overcame me,   and I rested while my mind took up effort where my  
>> body stopped.
>>
>
> % First person POV works for this, dispensing enough information to
> catch the reader's eye

I like 1stP for simpler stuff. It, hopefully, keeps author bloviation  
to a minimum.

>> was fitting.  Mars meant war, and the Crow meant death. Bad death,   
>> of the kind that  left vengeful ghosts, followed in the shadow of   
>> the Crow. But now I  was unsure if it stood for what had already   
>> occurred, or what would  come after.
>>
>
> % Omens usually mean whatever you think they mean. :)

Yeah. But the world is really superstitious, as fitting a high fantasy  
society.

>>
>> He was a big man whose eyes were on level with the top of my head.   
>>  Instead of having a neck, his head was the fugitive victim of his   
>>  hungry shoulders, who were attempting to envelope it completely.
>>
>
> % Sounds like a guy from the old neighborhood, Guido 'No Neck'.

You see a lot of ancient martial arts masters portrayed as tiny little  
guys. I liked the idea of directly spoofing that by making him a  
giant, ripped monster.

>> As always, Brilliant Void struck every vulnerable point necessary   
>> to  leave me gasping on the ground. Without even raising his fists,  
>>  he  left me beaten as he departed into the gloom of the stairs.
>>
>
> % interesting way to open things up and sets the stage at least a bit.
> I'll try to get to the next part soon.
>
> DB Sommer

I appreciate it. Thank you.





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