[FFML] Subject: [Lucky Star / Strawberry Panic (Sort of) / D&D

clc college clcracers at yahoo.com
Mon Jun 8 18:10:36 PDT 2009


I will say I am sorry that this is not a real review, just lots of weird comments that I had to make. The story is very funny though...the thought of D+D being added to anime...with the characters playing the game....just about as cool as the sailor moon z ep with torg....
 
.......and I smite him with my +12 hack master sword......
 
(and now the insert scene of legions of worshipers on their knees bowing and paying tribute)
sorry, just i really love your work Mr Biles.
 
I must add that I have not seen lucky star or strawberry panic, but this is still funny as heck though.....
 

Date: Fri, 5 Jun 2009 21:54:52 -0500
From: John Biles <john at biles.us>
Subject: [FFML] [Lucky Star / Strawberry Panic (Sort of) / D&D
    Classics] The    Hidden Shrine of Tamao-chan
To: The Fanfiction Mailing List <ffml at chez-vrolet.net>
Message-ID:
    <d28b858e0906051954r61818f71i9e022778186df883 at mail.gmail.com>
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The Hidden Shrine of Tamao-chan

A Lucky Star / Strawberry Panic (sort of) / D&D fanfic

By John Biles
 
 
i have a very bad feeling about this........
(insert the funereal march song...)

****************

    "You want us to come over to your house this Sunday?" Kagami said to
Konata at lunch.

    "Yes," Konata said with her usual lazy smile, then began slurping
chocolate out of her spiral cone.

    "Okay," Miyuki said.  "Are we going to study?"

    "Something like that," Konata said.  They recognized her mysterious
voice.  This was rarely a good sign.

    "Sounds fun," Tsukasa said.

    Kagami just had a bad feeling about this.

****************

    Books.  And paper.  On the table by Konata.  Who was clearly USING
them.

    For a moment, Kagami thought she'd somehow been transported to another
universe.  She surreptitiously checked everyone for goatees, then felt
stupid for doing so.
 
 
Has someone seen Gendo anywhere? add in some white gloves and we are set....

    Konata fanned out four sets of stapled together papers towards her three
friends.  "Each of you pick one."

    "Is this some sort of card trick?" Miyuki asked, taking hers.  The top
page was a picture of a tall, slender blonde woman in hakama with a sword
held over one shoulder.  It was titled 'Rei, Fighter 9'.  She studied it
quizzically, then began flipping through the several pages of odd statistics
which followed.

    There was something oddly familiar about all this, she thought.

    Tsukasa clapped her hands, closed her eyes, and took the far left piece
of paper.  The front picture of hers showed a woman in black leather with
dark purple hair.  It was titled 'Nancy, Rogue 9'.  Tsukasa blinked, then
stared at the endless numbers and stats on the following pages.

    We're doing math!, she thought.

    I AM DOOMED.

    Tsukasa crumpled in on herself.

    Kagami frowned, then reached for the remaining one on the left.

    Konata moved her hand over so Kagami could only reach the right one.

    Kagami grimaced and lunged for the other one, tripped on the table, and
landed on top of Konata instead, her face planted in what passed for breasts
on Konata's chest.

NOSE BLEEDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD!!!!!!!!!!!!!
 

    "You realize this means we'll end up lovers at the end of the series,"
Konata said dead-pan.

 
hey, yuri action..gotta love it.....
 

    Kagami jumped backwards as hard as possible, crashing into the closet.
 
 
Where did a closet come from? And was was she letting everyone out that was hiding in there?

    Konata tossed her one of the sets of paper.  "This one is for you, this
one for me," she said, hugging her own paper to her chest.

    Kagami picked up the papers which had landed on her face.  It showed a
ten year old boy with tiny little glasses on, holding a large staff.  It was
titled 'Negi, Wizard 9'.

    Isn't that kid in some anime, she thought.  Dammit, this is one of
Konata's efforts to get us to buy some manga thing she wants or something, I
bet.  "What is going on?" she demanded.

    The fourth set of stapled papers, with a picture of a blue-haired woman
riding a horse and the label 'Amane, Paladin 9', went down next to Konata as
she sat up.  "I dug out Dad's D&D stuff so we could play a game!  I even
wrote an adventure."  She slapped down a dense stack of papers with a
picture on top of a Maya style altar with a brown haired girl asleep on it,
while a blue haired girl cut off a lock of her hair.  "The Hidden Shrine of
Tamao-chan!"
 
Always blame dad for it....and its not the one of the classic dungeons though? bummer...something like the slave lords would have been really fun.....
we are talking  old D+D boxed sets or AD+D 1st or 2ND edition? Cause we know 3rd ed sucks....but that's just my problem.

    "This is..." Kagami began.

    "So it's not math," Tsukasa said carefully.

    "It's not math.  I pre-did all the math," Konata said.

    Miyuki said.  "That was nice of you."  SMILE.  "Sure, let's try it,
okay, Kagami?"

    Kagami grimaced.  "Okay."
 
 
and with that they where sucked into the madness to never come back to a normal life....
once you become a gamer its hard to rejoin real life......

****************

    One long explanation of basic mechanics which wasn't funny enough to
make the final cut later, they were ready to go.
 
need some type of joke about the game master to explain to the non gamers whats going on....

    "Okay," Konata said.  "Now, you all have been sailing south from Keoland
into the Amedio Jungle, having found a treasure map indicating that an
ancient temple of a long-forgotten people..."

    "Can I use my Knowledge (History) to see if I know who they are?" Kagami
asked.

    Konata said, "..."
 
 
never mess with the GM as they get ready to monologue.....
something about the gm killing a character as this point....

    "Well?" Kagami said impatiently.

    "I...but it's just the opening monologue," Konata said.

    "If I'm going to be a wizard, I expect to be wise," Kagami said.  "How
can I push everyone around and send little kids to throw rings in volcanos
if I don't know the history?"
 
(insert everyone wants to rule the world song....)


    "Those weren't little kids, they were hobbits," Miyuki pointed out.
 
Hobbits, kids, is there a difference at times? something about someone muttering about dwarf jokes....

    "Exactly," Kagami said.

    "I guess," Konata said warily.

    Kagami rolled.  "Okay, a 15, plus my skill of 12, that means a 27.  What
do I know?"
 
 
the meaning of life is 42.....

    Konata began flipping through books in a frenzy, then said, "I hate
studying!"

    Kagami laughed.  Petty triumphs were sometimes all you could get.
 
rules lawyer!!!!! get them my pretties!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

**************

    "Okay, someone roll Profession (Pilot) or Profession (Sailor) to steer
your ship to shore," Konata said, much later after a long search and some
stumbled historical narrative.

    "I don't have it," Miyuki said after a quick check.

    "Nor I," Kagami said.
 
skills? we don't need no stinking skills! back in my day....


    "I'm not sure how to tell," Tsukasa admitted after a five minute search
through seemingly endless amounts of paper and character writeup.  "What's a
'phase spider'?"
 
 
something you do off the high dive.....


    "When you turn on your magic belt, you can move through solid objects,"
Konata said.

    "Ooooh!"

    "Buffeted by the storm since none of you know how to actually pilot your
ship...," Konata began.

    "How did we ever get off the shore of the Amedio Jungle if none of us
know how to pilot our ship?," Kagami asked.

    "Beginner's luck," Konata said firmly.

    "Oh dear.  I do know how to swim, thankfully," Miyuki said.  "Skill 11."

    "Umm...I...I get +10 for having big breasts?" Tsukasa said.  "But
I...well, I guess she is drawn that way...so that gives me +20, I think."
 
 
the most feared weapon in any world....the +20 breasts of bouncing and swaying.....if you don't watch them they will knock you out......


    Kagami flipped through her sheet.  "I don't know how to swim," she
said.  "I think."
 
 
thinking is so over rated......whats that smoke smell?


    "Well, you are only ten," Miyuki said.

    "I knew how to swim at age ten!," Kagami said.
 
something about the scene from Aladdin about all the power and a little Biddle living space.....and who knew you could be 9Th level at that age....

    Tsukasa kept silent.

    "Well, the two of them can try to save you," Konata said.  "Now..."

    Kagami had another idea, thinking about her spells.  She grabbed one of
the books, flipped, and read something once she found it.  Which took
forever, as the book was badly organized in her opinion.  "Aha!  I summon a
celestial orca.  We can throw a rope to it and it can pull us to safe
harbor."

    "Orcs are evil," Konata said.  "They can't be celestial."
 
orcs can serve their evil god in the same manner....besides, are you going to tell that big burly pissed off orc he can be named Celestial?


    Kagami shoved the book in her face.

    "An orc is too small to pull a boat," Konata said.

    "ORCA.  ORCA."

    "Trying to say it with a bad Italian accent won't change my mind,"
Konata said.
 
I will make you an offer you can not refuse!(done with bad Italian accent)


    "It's a kind of whale!" Kagami said.

    Miyuki nodded.  "It is."

    Konata flipped through her monster books.  "Huh.  Okay, I guess you can
summon a heavenly whale."
 
 
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! WHALES FALLING FROM HEAVEN!!!! RUNNNNNNN FOR YOUR LIVES!!!!!


    "Okay, Miyuki, you can swim.  You're going to need to swim out to the
whale with one end of the rope while Tsukasa and I tie the rope to the
boat," Kagami said.

    "This isn't how it's supposed to go," Konata mumbled.
 
The players always pull things you never expect...its they way things work....


    "Too bad," Kagami said.  "Did we insure this boat?"

    "No," Konata said.

    "Even more reason we can't let it wreck," Kagami said.  She crossed her
fingers, hoping everything would work.

***************

    "What does Mind Fog do?" Kagami asked, looking over her spells.

    "It saps the wills of people, makes them stupid," Konata said.

    "Renders them too lazy to study?" Kagami asked.

    "Yes," Konata said.

    Kagami scribbled down the note 'turns subjects into Konata' by the
spell's name.
 
i would love to insert something that i find funny but i just don't know the joke...sigh....


**************

    "Okay, you've set up your tent near the ruins," Konata said.  "And
Tsukasa made everyone dinner and you cleaned up and washed the dishes, then
carefully threw dirt on your fire so it can't spread and light the jungle on
fire.  What's next?"
 
just as long as akane or my muse cko cooked you are all right......speaking of where did cko get to anyway?


    "We go to bed, so we can emerge rested in the morning and I can refresh
my spells," Kagami said.

    "I guess I sleep on my back so I don't deform my spine due to my
breasts," Tsukasa said, studying the picture of her character.  "Or could I
turn my belt on and phase my breasts into the ground so that I can sleep on
my stomach?"
 
pics of 12 naga dancing though my head right now with that comment.....or just let the air out of each one.....
 


    Konata said "..."

    Miyuki said, "It sounds reasonable to me.  Rei is slender, though, so
she just curls up with a good book to read until she falls asleep."

    "Okay, I phase my breasts so I can sleep on my stomach," Tsukasa said.

    "Okay," Konata said.
 
:)  ........


    "I lay down with my staff ready to grab by my bedroll, then take off my
glasses and put them inside my book-chest so no one can roll on them and
break them while I'm sleeping," Kagami said.
 
and he ends up being blind as a bat somehow......

    Konata frowned and vigorously scratched something out.  "Then everyone
falls asleep?"

    "I cast my alarm spell to wake us if there are any intruders," Kagami
said.

    Konata frowned again.  More scratching.
 
(sounds of a gm banging their head on the table behind the gm screen)

    "Okay, then you go to sleep?" Konata asked.

    "Yes."

    Roll, roll, roll, roll.  Finally, Konata consulted a chart.
 
(insert scenes of roll master looking up 15 different table for one thing....)


    "Okay, everyone roll Listen."

    "Five," Miyuki said.

    "I don't even have listen...I'm not deaf, am I?" Kagami asked.

    "No, it defaults to your Wisdom bonus," Konata said.

    Roll.  "Twelve."

    "Thirty-two," Tsukasa said.

    "Okay, Miyuki sleeps through the Alarm spell going off," Konata said.

    "Oh no, I shouldn't have stayed up late reading," Miyuki said worriedly.

    "I grab my staff!," Kagami said.

    "I phase through my sheets and leap up and cling to the roof of the tent
with my steel-toed boots of Spider-Climbing," Tsukasa said.  "And I draw my
Wand of Lead-Hurling."
 
never leave home with out a good pair of steel toed boots and a wand of lead hurling....
but the problem with this is clinging to the roof of the tent causes it to fall down though on top of said subjuct.....
 


    "I sleep, I guess.  Am I dreaming?" Miyuki asked.
 
I am getting drunk in the bar! are there any chicks there? I am hitting on them....
 


    "You dream of your true love Yoshino," Konata said.  "Her gentle kisses
and her berserker frenzies."

    "How sweet," Miyuki said, smiling.

    "Isn't her character a woman?" Kagami asked.
 
You do remember you are a guy playing a girl right?
crap, does this mean i cant hit on here then.....


    "Yes," Konata said.

    "But..."

    Konata smiled in her usual impish way.
 
it should always be an evil grin....
thats what worries the players even more....

    "..."

    "Don't worry, your girlfriends all have shouta complexes but they're
straight," Konata said.  "Well, some of them are straight."
 
i am really a women trapped in a guys body, but the good thing is a am a lesbo.....

    "Anyway, what set off my alarm?"
 
the really annoying guy down the street who drives past every night reeving his car and setting off your to sensitive alarm that drives you nuts....


    "Without your glasses, it's all a big old blur."

    "I put them on!," Kagami said frantically.

    "What do I see?" Tsukasa asked.
 
Roseann Barr in a thong.....


    "You see the snout first, chocolate in color, with a black nose at the
end and deep crimson inside the nostrils.  There are hints of yellowed teeth
behind its heavy lips," Konata began.
 
ryoga what are you doing in this fic again? you where not to be in this one.....

    "It's been chewing tobacco?" Miyuki asked.

    Konata paused.  "No."

    "Doesn't it brush daily?" Miyuki asked.

    "No."

    "Oh dear, it'll lose its teeth young," Miyuki said.  "Am I still kissing
my dear Yoshino?"
 
I cast magic missile at the darkness..........
 
I am still hitting on girl in the bar. Do I get any yet?


    "Yes," Konata said.

    "Glasses?"

    "Negi fumbles in the box for his glasses.  Roll Search at ?10 as you
don't have your glasses on," Konata said.

    "Okay, five plus..."  Roll.  "Six minus ten equals...One."
 
and i perry that with my face.....


    "Well, you can't find them," Konata said.

    "I know where I put them!"

    "Where they would be hard to hit, yes, inside the box.  With a 1, you're
trying to find them in folds of the tent."  Konata said.  "Resuming my boxed
text...  The snout pushes forwards and now you can see its huge brown eyes,
staring glassily at you all and..."

    "I yell loudly, trying to wake up Rei," Tsukasa said.

    "Roll Listen," Konata said to Miyuki.

    Roll.  "Four."

    "She sleeps through it," Konata said.

    "When do I get to roll again to find my glasses?" Kagami asked.

    "When you stop interrupting my precious box text," Konata said.  "Now,
let me finish monologuing to build tension.  "Chocolate covered ears, oval
in shape, stick out parallel to the ground, and above the eyes is a long
ridge from which two horns stick up," she continued.
 
I think the princess from outlanders got lost again......


    "I SHOOT IT WITH MY WAND!  It's a demon!", Tsukasa said, panicking.  She
rolled.  "Natural twenty!  That could be a critical, right?"

    Konata blinked slowly.  "Yes."

    Tsukasa rolled again.  "Does a total of thirty-three hit?"

    "Yes."

    "Critical!"  Roll, roll, roll.  "Wow, eighty-four damage!," she said.

    "The creature takes the shot between the eyes and dies in agony,
reverting to its true form as a hideous demon," Konata said.  "How did you
guess it was a demon?"
 
(sounds of a gm weeping as the great minion gets wacked in one shot from the lucky dice roll of smart ass player....)


    "It had horns," Tsukasa said.

    "I take my dear Yoshino out on a dream date," Miyuki said to Konata.
"Maybe a nice Elvish restaurant, then we can go see a movie."  Pause.  "Do
they have movies in this universe?"
 
i am still getting drunk in the bar......


    "I suppose you could take her to an illusionist's show.  He could do it
with illusions," Konata said thoughtfully.  She turned to Tsukasa.  "But I
was describing a cow."

    "A cow?  You made it sound like a horned hell-beast!," Tsukasa said. "Oh
no, I killed Bessie!"
 
they are like gazebos very, very evil...like small cuddly bunny's.....


    "Cows don't have horns," Kagami said.  "BULLS have horns."

    "This is a time of equal rights," Konata said.  "Cows can have horns too
if they want to.  They don't have to dress all feminine unless they want
to."
 
(dude looks like a lady)
(i am a lumber jack....)


    Tsukasa said.  "Well, we'd better not waste it.  I wake up Miyuki so she
can help me carve it into roasts and salt it so it will keep."
 
 
jerky demon, jerky cows, jerky zombies, jerky rats, jerky....(players that was playing a necromancer that made jerky out of everything we killed.....)

    "It's not a real cow, it's a demon," Konata said.
 
mmmmmmm demon cows.......


    "But you said you were describing a cow," Tsukasa said.

    "Do I ever find my glasses?" Kagami asked.
 
i am still......oh never mind......


    "Elven cuisine is like french, right?  I warn my date away from the
marrow jelly," Miyuki said.
 
do they surrender when you look at them sideways?
no wonder elves are stuck up..they are french.....


    "It was a demon disguised as a cow," Konata said.

    "If I ever wake up, I'll use my Knowledge (Culinary Arts) and Profession
(Cook) to see how you preserve dead demons," Miyuki said.

 
jerky anyone?

    "Thanks."

    "What about my glasses???"
 
..................................................................

**************

    "Okay, so Nancy shoots off the head of the last of the trolls and Negi
burns it," Konata said, summing up.

    "And Rei then uses the cooked troll meat as a component for breakfast,
since the sun is coming up, you said," Miyuki said.
 
roast troll for breakfast....mmmmmmmm


    "We've been attacked twenty times in 6 hours," Kagami said.  "How does
anything survive here?"
 
 
boy your dice hate us don't they.....players to gm.....

    "Maybe we're desecrating an ancient Ainu burial ground," Tsukasa
speculated.

    "Maybe everything here likes to eat human and the word's getting
around.  Humans don't normally live here, right?"  Miyuki asked.

    "Only crazy tattooed spear-chucking maniacs," Konata said.

 
please don't let the tentacle beasts know we are here.....
 

    "Well, I guess we can try following our map," Kagami said.  "We've got
enough meat from dead things to last us for days."

    Finally, Konata thought.  We've finally reached the point I wanted to be
at hours ago...I need better wandering monsters.
 
or just lots less to run much longer then you think for some payer groups.....

****************

    Kagami studied the picture, impressed.  It really did look like an
ancient temple, even if she'd never heard of any culture that had
iconography of cute anime girls turning into jaguars.  Which was kind of
disturbing, really.  But leave it to Konata to know where to find such
things.
 
 
worship the almighty cat girl!!!!!!!!!!!


    "Hmm, I begin knocking on the left wall," Miyuki said, studying the map.

    "What?" Konata asked.

    "There's a five foot gap between this room's wall and the next room; it
could have a hidden tunnel."
 
smart ass.....

    "Here, let me find it, I think this is the sort of thing my character
does, right?" Tsukasa asked.

    She rolled and said, "Twenty eight total."

    Konata scribbled frantically, then said, "Good job.  But there's a
deadly trap on it!"

    "Okay, I remove it," Tsukasa said.  "With my disarming abilities."
Roll.  "Thirty!"

    Konata's eyes crossed, then she said, "Wow, I didn't think anyone could
do that well.  Okay, you defeat it."
 
(sound of gm pounding head)


    "This is great," Tsukasa said.  "I wish school was this easy."

    Your character is more competent than you are, Kagami thought, then
regretted it.  I shouldn't be mean to my sister, she told herself.  Save it
for Konata.
 
but that's what siblings are for right?
 


    "I start looking for any nice figurines I can take home to
Yoshino-chan," Miyuki said.

    "There's lots of jade figurines in the niches on the right wall.  Some
of them look like babies with jaguar faces."
 
 
if its not nailed down steal it all!!! battle cry of any party


    "Does she like cats?" Miyuki asked.

    "Umm..."  Roll.  "Yes."

    "While she's shopping, I open the secret door," Tsukasa said.

    "Wait, let me see if there's any magic traps.  Remember how you nearly
turned to stone at the front door?"

    "Ooh, I know, while she checks that, I stick my phased head through the
wall," Tsukasa said.  "In fact, I can scout every room in advance like
that.  Yeah."

    Konata felt her careful plans turning to dust.  But she'd salvage them
somehow.

 
(the sounds of gm's well laid plans blowing away to dust)
 

    "Suddenly, the secret door breaks open!  HORDES OF ZOMBIE YURI FANS POUR
OUT," Konata said.  "Everyone is caught by surprise."
 
I will get you my pretties!!!!!!!!!!!!! 
oooohhhhhh yuri!!!!!!!!!!!!!
should it not be hordes of raving youi fan girls?
 


    "Don't we get some kind of...," Kagami began.

    "No."

    "I stuck my head through the wall to check, though," Tsukasa said.
 
gm is god!!!!!!!!!!!

    "Too slow," Konata said.  "You look just in time to be caught halfway
through the wall, unable to act, while they rush through your phased form."

    "Initiative time?" Kagami asked.

    "First the surprise round..."

    Said Surprise round ended with everyone beat to hell, but not actually
dead.  It wasn't looking too pretty, though, and there were crazed yuri fans
in just about every square of the room.  (The map was divided into 5'
squares.  They'd already had the argument over why only one person could
stand in a five foot square hours ago.)
 
what is the size of a fireball?
wrong answer....what ever it says in the book.....
right answer.....bigger then we expected.....


    "I cast Summon Monster V and summon..."  Flip, flip, flip... "1d3
Emerald Dragons," Kagami said.
 
i summon the demon barney.....any everyone runs away screaming....


    "Dragons?  How can you..."

    "CR 4, so I can get 1d3 Very Young Emerald Dragons," Kagami said.

    "Holy...moly," Konata said, studying the book.  "Okay, you start
summoning.  Next round they can act."  She checked her notes.  "Okay, and on
12...a noble looking woman with short blue hair sweeps in on horseback,
trampling yuri fanboys beneath her winged mount's hooves.  She uses her
fly-by attack to sweep Rei up into the saddle and ride off with her,
rescuing her from danger!"
 
OK who summoned sailor Mercury? 
Athena what are you doing here?

    "But I'm the only person with most of my hit points left," Miyuki said.
"Negi really needs saving, he's down to only 15 HP."

    "The noble knight on a white steed always rescues the good looking women
first.  It's natural law," Konata said.

    "Well, I don't need rescuing.  I can just dive through the floor or
something," Tsukasa said.  "But I am the prettiest one."

    "Most top-heavy, anyway," Kagami grumbled.

    "Top-heavy is overrated," Miyuki said.  "But I have a girlfriend, so she
shouldn't be trying to get fresh with me!"
 
someone forgot to use their +20 breasts again....

    "When you say this, the yuri fanboys go crazy and chase you in a
frenzy!," Konata announces.  "That's why you had to be saved first, as you
have the most yuri in you."
 
 
mmmmmmmmmmmm.............yuriiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii
 
when did the dirty pair show up?
ahhh i mean the lovey angles.......
 


    "My picture doesn't look all that feminine," Miyuki said.
 
tomboys always have issues don't they?


    Konata finished moving fanboy miniatures across the map after the woman
on the pegasus and Rei.  "Okay, new round, Tsukasa is first."

    "Time to rescue Rei!  I run after Rei, using my belt to pass through the
fanboys and try to leap up, turn solid, grab her, then turn desolid and dive
into the floor to hide with her."

    "Okay, you start running through the mob; it's like swimming in tainted
water," Konata said.  "But you run out of movement before you catch up."

    "Aww, I'm trying, Miyuki," Tsukasa said.

    Miyuki patted her head.  "It's okay.  My turn, right?"
 
aaaawwwwwwwwwwwwwww...........


    "Yes."

    "I thank the woman, but I have to go help my friends.  I leap off the
back of the horse and attack the nearest fanboy," Miyuki said.
 
beat the one your with.....


    "But she didn't get to do her monologue!," Konata said.
 
 
its always about the villain and their monologue!!!!!!!


    "It'll have to wait," Miyuki said. She moved the miniature of her, then
rolled.  "Ahh!  Possible critical and..."  Roll.  "Yes!"  She rolled again.
"And I take off the nearest fanboy's head with 32 points of damage right?"
 
 
can you say a fine red mist........


    "Yes," Konata said.  "And now..."
 
 
everyone waits with bearded breath.....

    "I go, right?" Kagami said.

    "Now the yuri fanboy boss villain appears!  Flouncing out of the secret
door is a woman with blue-black hair, wearing a very snazzy uniform.  She
carries twin wands with pearl handles," Konata said excitedly.  "She stares
at Nancy determinedly."

    Tsukasa froze up.  "At me?"

    "Oh wait, no, she stares at Rei in determination."

    "Hey, I have bigger breasts," Tsukasa protested.

    "Amane, I won't let you have her!  You'll fill her head with lies about
global warming!  THIS LAND HAS ALWAYS BEEN JUNGLE!," Konata said.  She
launched into a long and rambling rant about how there has been no climate
change in the Amedio.
 
had to get the speech in there somewhere......
 


    "Didn't the opening chamber of this place show the land as being
grassland, not rain forest?" Kagami asked.  "Sounds like climate change to
me."

    Miyuki nodded.  "Yes, Konata told us the area grew hotter and wetter
after the Great Rain of Fire."

    "Don't talk while I'm ranting!," Konata said.
 
sweatdrops.........
 


    That really says it all, Kagami thought.  "I'm going to mount a
counter-argument using my Diplomacy skills and my Knowledge (History) and
Knowledge (Nature)."

    "You're supposed to..."

    "No," Kagami said firmly.  "I start arguing."  Roll, roll, roll.
"Thirty-two on Diplomacy, twenty-six on Knowledge History and twenty-two on
Knowledge Nature."

    "She remains invincible in her certainty that..." Konata began.

    "For a closing argument, I order my three dragons to open up on her with
her breath weapon."  She began rolling D6s.  "Roll their saves."
 
never mess with a women and her dragons with firepower...it Win's every time.....


    One, one, one.  Konata stared mindlessly at the dice.  "She..."
 
 
parries it with her face......ouch!!!!!!!!!!

    "Fails.  Fifty points of damage."

    "There goes half her hit points," Konata grumbled.
 
gm's hate when their main bad guy rolls bad and gets taken out very quickly....seen it done many times.....in my group its the mooks that suck....then main bad guys are wimps...its mooks that are the worst....
 


    "New round?" Miyuki asked.

    "No, Amane goes first.  She delivers a stirring speech on the reality of
global warming..."  Roll.  "And she charges in to deliver a finishing blow
and..."  One.  Konata stared.  "You're fired," she said, throwing the die
across the room. It went out a window and they heard a loud "OWW," from the
street.
 
and new meaning to the term "hit die".......
 


    "Oh dear," Miyuki said.

    "I think you hit a cop," Tsukasa said, looking out the window.

    "Oh, it's just my cousin," Konata said.

    "Not unless she's now a big burly bald man," Tsukasa said.

    "Uhh..."

    BANG BANG BANG, went the fist on the door.

    "I didn't even get to unleash Yaya and her Bad Touch Attack!," Konata
said.  "I'm going to...umm...check this one reference book, I left in my
room..."

    She took off running.

    BANG BANG BANG!

    "I dive through the wall," Tsukasa said, jumping at the wall and
knocking herself out.

    Never going to Konata's house again, Kagami thought.  Never again!
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that's is by far totally and out in left Field funny. I done know that characters profiles, but the whole gm and player thing i can relate to....
thanks for the laugh....i needed that this week for a Monday......
 



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