[FFML] [Ranma][Lime][Spamfic]Oh, why not?

Slacker datcord at gmail.com
Sat Feb 14 18:31:31 PST 2009


Just a bit of random insanity my brain kicked out.

Disclaimer: All characters owned by Takahashi, not me.  No profit made or
desired.
This isn't talking about you.  That's not chicken you're eating.  Don't
stick that fork in that outlet.  Your mileage may vary.

*****

         One day, Ranma and Kasumi were in the kitchen. Kasumi was making
some sort of Western dish that she never would have actually made, but
was struck by the sudden urge to make as though she didn't actually know
any authentic Japanese dishes, despite being a Japanese citizen.  Let's
say it was meatloaf, why not.  From Kobe beef, just for good measure.

        "You know, Kasumi, you've got a great body."  Ranma commented
out of the blue, as though inspired to do so by an incredibly lazy
writer who never bothered to actually do research into his character or
thought processes.

        "Why thank you, Ranma.  Would you like to have sex?"  Kasumi
responded cheerfully, like a brain-dead bimbo who was being written into
a story solely because the author has a thing for her and likes to
pretend that underneath her staid, oblivious housewife persona she's
actually a near-nymphomaniac with a wide range of fetishes and kinks,
many of which are a just a bit too closely related to said author's own
fantasies for any readers not to feel a wee bit creeped out.

        "Would I!  Gee!"  Ranma responded with glee and dialogue ripped
from 1950's sitcoms.  "But only if you'll let me do you as a chick, too!
I feel a strong desire to indulge in some sort of discovery of my
feminine side, despite showing that I view it with some great disdain
and would do damn near anything to get rid of it with great frequency!
Maybe you can whip out a strap-on that you just happen to have handy and
do me with it while talking about how much prettier and sexier I am as a
girl, thus sparking my decision to stay as a girl and solve all my
problems, since girls have everything so much better!  This isn't in any
way any sort of projection on the part of the author and doesn't show
the least bit of gender issues at all, either!  It's perfect normal!"

        "Oh, I know!  Completely normal, much like the way we've somehow
teleported to the bedroom despite never leaving the kitchen and how
everyone else in the house is somehow missing!"  Kasumi added with great
exuberance, as though she was being written by someone who'd forgotten
there was punctuation other than an exclamation mark.  "And I see that
you have a penis that is large enough to qualify for 'massive', even
'improbable', and quite likely would actually make you pass out from low
blood pressure should it ever become erect!  However, I'm sure that I
will be able to fit it inside me with absolutely no problems, in any way
we see fit to try, even without lubrication of any sort, since that's
just a gimmick that you don't actually need!"

        "Well then, let's get to it!"  Ranma cried as he leaped at her,
amazed at the way his clothes had just vanished and astonished at the
way Kasumi was demonstrating her flexibility, because she was apparently
triple-jointed.

        And then they Did It.  And by "It", I mean sex.  Raunchy, dirty,
sweaty, sticky, tie-me-to-the-bed-and-spank-me, walking-funny-the-next-
day sex.  It was Great.
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