[FFML] [Ranma] Like Something Out of a Movie
dragonbard at hotmail.com
Fri Feb 6 18:57:57 PST 2009
Too much telling, not enough showing. You're skimming over so much, it's kind of 'what?' You need to start the actual storytelling earlier, such as just before he comes into the room.
Otherwise, not bad.
Windows Live™: E-mail. Chat. Share. Get more ways to connect.
More information about the ffml