[FFML] [PEANUTS] It's good to be the Queen, Charlie Brown

Richard Lawson nouma at msn.com
Tue Dec 22 12:20:26 PST 2009


Oh man, Biles does Schultz.  This oughta be good.  =)

>     The greatest frustration of Charlie Brown's life at the current
> time was that he hadn't made the High School baseball team

Ooh, you mean after seventy years, Charlie Brown finally made it to high school?  Sweet!

> in the city's 'Junior League' were stuck in phsyical education

"physical"

> This was one of their best years ever.

Poor CB.  Just once he should get to kick the ball.

> The coach had pretty much appointed two captains and given
> them the gear and wandered off;

A good indication of why they lose all the time, neh?

>     "Alright, let's play a good game," Charlie Brown said to his team.

Finally.  Can't believe I'm saying this of a Biles fic, but the opening was bit... boring.  A bunch of flat exposition that's unusual for you.

> (not to be confused with Peppermint Patty, unless
> you wanted Patty to hit you, or more likely these days,
> arrange for you to be snubbed.  Then Peppermint Patty
> would hit you.).

lol.  This is the kind of Biles humor I've come to expect.  =)

> She staggered and it dropped into the glove she was holding in her
> right hand.

Predictable but still funny.  =)

>     "You did that deliberately because you are jealous of my
> naturally curly hair!" Frieda yelled at Angela.

Love how you keep dropping in these character bits.  =)

>     They had become friends, which is to say, Charlie usually got
> nails driven into his emotions several times a day

This is awkward.  I know what you're trying to say (and I know the feeling you describe), but "nails driven into his emotions" just doesn't sound right and doesn't carry the weight you're going for.

> except sometimes he would wake up at night screaming about
> rhino beetles.

A complete non-sequitir but okay.  Made me laugh.  =)

>     "You didn't have to touch her!" Lucy shouted at Schroeder.  "We
> already had three outs and she couldn't score!  You never
> touch me!"
> 
>     Schroeder ambled over to Lucy as the team began to come in
> and lightly touched her forehead with the ball.  "There you go."

Loved this exchange.

>     Then he'd managed to get himself depressed about how he'd
> never really been kissed, but that was another story.

Hehe.  Do tell.

> in the middle of the room was a table and on it was
> a lemon cake covered in white frosting with the hasty
> message 'WE WON' scrawled on it in orange frosting
> that smelled really strongly of oranges.

Aww.

>     Charlie Brown turned to dust and blew away in the
> wind, figuratively.

Heh.  I know this feeling.  =)

>     Snoopy had arrived and stuck his head inbetween them
> and kissed her.

Oh, wow.  Nicely executed, John.

>     Linus and Lucy's Mom arrived home just in time to take a dog
> to the face and go down, throwing groceries everywhere, after
> which the killing began.
> 
>     Lucy takes after her mother, but is somewhat calmer and less
> violent, you see.

This elicited a classic Biles-inspired guffaw.

>  Fortunately, most of her career plans focused around
> her strengths--intimidation, shouting, and punching.

Lucy was my least favorite Schultz character but you're making me like her, John.  =)

>     "You call this a fight???" Linus said

Hmm.  I know this is a stylistic choice, but I still feel compelled to comment: more than one punctuation mark is grammatically incorrect.

>     "F**k realism," Peppermint Patty said hotly.

Heh.  Your Peanuts are a bit grittier than Schultz's.  =)

> Mr. Smith taught Linus' fourth period Sophmore

"Sophomore"

> the chance collision sent the ball arcing high into the stands
> where it hit Big George in the face.  He toppled, holding it and
> howling angrily, then he tried to throw it at Charlie Brown.
> The throw went wild and it flew over the third baseman's
> head and off into the open field beyond.  Jose Peterson yelled,
> then ran off to find it.

Okay, so, you know this isn't a hit, right?  The instant the ball touches anything in foul territory - including Big George - it's a foul ball.

Of course, if we're playing Anime-Rules Baseball, then anything goes.  =)

>     Richard now stepped up and nailed a single.

Go Richard!

>     Charlie Brown tossed the ball up and down.  "I'm going to
> strike you out, Peppermint Patty."

Oooh, you can cut the ambiguous sexual tension with a knife.

> Patty fired it to Snoopy, who tagged Richard out with the ball
> in his mouth.

Ew! 

> Richard had no great weaknesses or strengths

Yup!

> She'd long ago learned the easy way to tell which child was
> guilty was to yell and see who runs.

Hehe.

>     "It's good to be the Queen, Charlie Brown," Marcie said.

Heh.  Well, I was expecting that ending.

Who ended up with whom?  Will Charlie ever figure out that Lucy is his true love, or will he settle for Peppermint Patty while pining over Heather? 

Anyway, a fun little story, with some hilarious moments.  Well done, John.

-Richard
 		 	   		  
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