[FFML] [XOver] Wednesday's Child: Chapter Four
skywize at gmail.com
Wed Aug 12 10:26:56 PDT 2009
I think what I liked most about this chapter is that you had them actively
doing something importaint when the visitor arrived. Things that would have
large and long term implications both in their plans and the intelegence
that Ranma had gained. Of course the Tsunami may have swept a large portion
of that away, and we don't know if you intend to have that first boat and
any nukes it might have been carrying be used later. The hackers into the
chinese satelites, or any number of other things given whats just occured.
But even so I think that it is good storytelling to include those details
even if they are immediately rendered unimportaint by the larger plot. It
helps to provide a sense of surprise and freshness to what could otherwise
have been very drab.
I'm not sure about the timing on that Tsunami, but then I'm not a scientist,
it just seemd 60 seconds was awfully quick for the wave to reach them. Your
description of the jungle flash frying also seemed to be a bit extreme given
that the marines didn't seem to be hurt by the heat. The letters to and
from Misa are an ongoing bit of fun, even if I don't know that Ranma should
have written quite so much as he did given hes on an active operation.
hmm, thats it for the moment on my comments.
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