[FFML] [ORIG] Honeypot
henry.cobb at gmail.com
Mon Aug 10 23:22:00 PDT 2009
On Mon, Aug 10, 2009 at 10:29 PM, <miashara at deepfriedpuppies.com> wrote:
> That was extremely well done. The lack of understanding gave an
> extremely close approximation to insecurities, which actually made the
> Honey very human. One got the impression she was generally nice, but
> awkward, unsure how to express what she was thinking, and uncertain as
> to her loyalties. In High School. Imagine that. Anyway, very
> interesting. The only technical point I can give you is try to mention
> the narrator's name a bit more, as it was difficult to figure out who
> she was. Actually, if you can try to make the identities of everyone a
> bit clearer, that would be good. The rest seemed fine.
The problem with hitting send on a story is that there's always one
additional wrinkle to add.
It will take a rewrite throughout to leave open the question so the
rug can be pulled out at the end.
The health class teacher will explain that most of the girls would
have died, except that they got special brain implants to make up for
their damaged autonomic nervous systems and to allow for monitoring
and updates these included a network function.
Unfortunately the girls figured out how to control their own implants
and succumbed to a consensus hallucination that they were robots.
The honeys will be all abuzz about this. They've heard this rumor
before and wonder if they'd be able to communicate with these strange
A little too Hollywood for me I guess.
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