[FFML] [FIC][BtVS][SG-1][MAU] Repost: Worthless 1/?

StudioPC studiopc at sbcglobal.net
Wed Sep 10 23:07:06 PDT 2008

On Sep 10, 2008, at 1:24 PM, stevenav at comcast.net wrote:

> Okay, stopping here.I read further on, but this ficis just plain  
> awful.
> Xander, a 16 year old kid is punching and laying out Tony Harris, a  
> grown man? Riiight.
> Were he Ranma Saotome or something I could see it, but he's a 16  
> year old KID, and one that bigger kids at school pick on. That  
> should tell you something right off.
> Ditch the bashing, ditch the mary sue "I can have most anything I  
> wish for" machine, and ditch the "badass" Xander can beat up his  
> own father if he wants to stuff and try again.
> As it stands not only is the story saddled with trite fannon  
> cliches of "ZOMGabused-Xander!", "ZOMGneglected-Willow", and anime  
> references that are not in keeping with the characters themselves,  
> but the characters aren't showing the least bit of caution or worry  
> about mucking about in stuff that they should be worried about.  
> Living in Sunnydale requires caution, or I should say "staying  
> alive". The way this fic is written they are simply acting as  
> living manikins who are showing off the author's "Oh gee isn't this  
> new device cool" effect. Never make a story focus on a thing...  
> make it about the people and how THEY act and react.
>  I'm sorry but as it is the story reads like a bad "author's wish  
> fulfillment" fic than an actually interesting story that should be  
> told.

Yes, thank you, this is pretty much what I was thinking. The MAU is  
interesting, in that it can make you look like whatever and I got a  
chuckle out of the feeling up scene.

But, the characterization of Xander and Willow is too dry, too flat.

A few other points:

I can buy Xander taking the MAU to Willow, but taking it to Giles is  
even better.

Xander should show more caution upon finding the MAU

You could probably do without the magic bit.

So yes, rewrite, work on the dialogue, and tinker with this a bit.  
You have something interesting, it just needs some work.

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