[FFML] [fanfic][Sailormoon] [C&C] Moonshadow, chapter 7 (first draft)

The Eternal Lost Lurker lurkerdrome at sbcglobal.net
Sun Nov 23 20:43:23 PST 2008


> When Lurker writes a multi chapter fic of ANYTHING, I expect a lot.  And
> BOY did he deliver!

^^;; Thanks. Glad you enjoyed it.

> The opening fight scene for chapter 7 was a little short on
> choreography, but that's okay!  This fic isn't about the fights and we
> don't need a blow by blow account.

I had actually intended, originally, to right a straight-up 
monster-of-the-week fight here. But when I got back to it after however long 
I went between writing sessions, I realized that I'd get more out of this 
chapter if I left the actual mechanics of what Jupiter did to the youma to 
the reader's imagination, and moved on with the story.

Besides, I *hate* writing fight scenes involving paper witches. It takes 
freaking forever.

> Once again, Lurker makes this fic work by concentrating on character
> development.  Makoto's reactions to becoming a senshi are perfectly
> understandable because the author spent so much time building her up in
> previous chapters.  It is apparently going to be Rei's turn soon as this
> chapter starts to put her under the glass.

Mmm. Rei's Awakening is a bit of a ways off yet. I'm not going to pin it 
down with a definitive number, but I guarantee it won't happen until AT 
LEAST chapter 11. I have too much other stuff to deal with in the plot 
outline; trying to shoehorn Mars into the middle of everything ELSE would 
not be doing her service.

Besides, Mars' Awakening is going to be...*fun*.

> He's also not above displaying a little bit of fanboyishness.

Isn't that the WHOLE POINT of writing fanfics? :P

>> "The material is magical, so what they look like doesn't really matter,"
>> Luna explained as she slowed to let the two girls catch up. "The Senshi 
>> back
>> in the Silver Millenium didn't look like you two. Their uniforms were
>> more..." She paused. "Well, they looked like a cross between a very short
>> cocktail dress and a garment I believe you call a negligee."
>
> What really kills me about that passage?  ITS CANON!!!  I've seen the
> pics of it. :)

O.o;; You're kidding, right? Because I totally pulled that out of my ass.

> The scenes where Usagi & Ami arrive home are ... poignant.  It says
> something that they both have the EXACT same reaction to two wildly
> different parenting styles.

They're teenagers. It's universal.

>> Spotting an oddly vacant kouban nearby, and glancing around to make sure
>> nobody was watching, she slipped inside, crouched low so as not to be 
>> seen,
>> and quietly whispered, "Moon Power, Transform."
>>
> Oh come on, you just KNOW they got her on camera.

Not yet...

> On another note, why  "Moon Power, Transform" ?  You'd think 'Timothy'
> would want her in Sailor Venus mode right off the bat.

Go back to chapter 5 and reread the bit concerning that.

As for more practical, outside-the-box reasons, I need her to still be 
Sailor V for a little while. (Actually, THIS chapter was supposed to have 
dealt with that, but I pushed it back to chapter 8.)

>> Timothy sighed. A rogue Senshi...
>>
>> "No...we can't have that. We can't have that at all."
>
> That sounds ominous.  Every chapter I like Timothy a little less.  I'm
> beginning to wonder if Timothy really is Artemis.

Oh, he IS Artemis. At this point, I'm not even bothering trying to confuse 
the readers with that one. But just because he's Artemis, doesn't mean he's 
nice...

> 2.  The separation of forces.  The 'canon' Artemis & Venus spent half
> the first season separated from the main team for a good reason.  They
> were busy kicking the youma out of England.  Why is Timothy doing the
> same thing when all concerned are in Japan?  Why bother using Luna as a
> go-between when he could just 'advise' all the senshi himself?

He has his reasons. I shall say no more about that at this time.

>> Several hours later, police would find Kanzou Mitsuhiko lying naked in a
>> public park, marinated in cheap potato whiskey, babbling incoherently in 
>> a
>> strange mixture of French, Russian, and Yiddish.
>
> Does anybody not get the hypocrisy in what Timothy just did?  He told
> her it was wrong to use her powers to hurt people, used HIS powers to
> hurt someone.

Like I said, Artemis is not necessarily a nice man...

> For the record, I don't think Timothy is actually working for Beryl.  I
> do think is that he's the Silver Millennium's version of John
> Constantine, just BARELY on the senshi side.

You've pegged it SLIGHTLY closer than anyone else has yet...

Thanks for the C&C!

================================
The Eternal Lost Lurker
www.lurkerdrome.com



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