[FFML] [Death Note/?] Things Left Unwritten

DB Sommer sommert at connecttime.net
Tue Jun 10 21:14:59 PDT 2008



Gary Ee wrote:

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>om the first time they met. But L had ignored his instincts, insisting
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>>on hard evidence before doing anything. Why? Justice? Egotism?
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>If you believe the yaoi fangirls, something much, MUCH worse.....
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% For all that I enjoyed death Note and have written a couple of pieces 
using it, I haven't read much other than an early work by Shadoweaver

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>>Confirmation that he was not just another version of Kira by following
>>the letter of the law and having a trial before executing the mass
>>murderer penmen? Or was it more basic, L just wanting to prove he was
>>smarter than Light, perhaps the most brilliant mind he had ever met?
>>Whatever it was that had held L back had cost him not just his life, but
>>Watari’s as well. That might have hurt him more than anything, though
>>the heart attack was a close second. There was nothing peaceful about
>>your heart stopping and dying as your vision slowly went black from a
>>lack of oxygen. A bullet to the head would have been far better.
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>Good thing he never met Dokuro-chan. Or Tanaka Punie for that matter.
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% Heh. True.

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>>L had never considered the cost of failure, so certain of his eventual
>>success. Now with him out of the way many others would die at Light
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>Apparently Lawliet had never heard the immortal words "THIS is the price of
>failure!"
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% Nope.

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>>Yagami’s hands. In his ignorance L had remained blind to the fact his
>>failure would leave the populous to suffer at Light’s hands.
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>Personally I would insert "wilful" after ignorance just to play up just how
>bitter L is over this.
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% Okay. Appropriate too.

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>>Was…
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>>Light.
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>"Yes L. I have truly become a GOD!"
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>"My afterlife is so going to SUCK."
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% Heh. I wondered if anyone would make a crack along these lines. But it 
is the way of thing.

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>>This was not what L had expected death to be like.
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>Granted L had hoped for the perky Goth version of Death or the version that
>really liked cats. Like all reasonable men, he probably had covered all of
>his bases as far as Descartes' argument went but few people expect death to
>be, well, mundane.
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% Too true, I've used different versions of it on several occasions.

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>>Reflexively L’s observation skills kicked in. Yes, it was definitely
>>Japan: Tokyo Tower was visible from the window. He wasn’t the only
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>How would L know at a glance that it wasn't say, the Effiel Tower, or a
>reasonable fascimile of either of the two?
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% Surrounding area's Japanese arcitecture.

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>>occupant in the room either. A number of men of various ages and walks
>>of life were also present, all Japanese if their facial features could
>>be believed. An older man in a hospital gown. A younger man with an
>>agitated look. A man in his thirties with glasses. Two other older
>>males, that reeked of Yakuza, sitting against a wall. A high school age
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>Then L slowly, bitterly began to laugh.
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>As the others in the room edged away from him, the detective erupted into
>full-blown gales of laughter.
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% Nah. That was Light's thing. For all that they thought alike, their 
mannerisms were polar opposites.


>He always thought it was a trite phrase but apparently it was true.
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>Hell was spending eternity locked in the room with the same bunch of people.
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% I always thought it would be bored in place where nothing boring ever 
happens. Then there is no escape. :)


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>>boy along the back wall. And to round things out, a dog that L could
>>just sense would be annoying.
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>After all how often do you see a dog with a pretty young lady playing
>translator? Especially if its first greeting was "please don't eat me! I've
>already been the emergency food ration once!"?
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% Heh. No, this dog was... dirtier, much like the writer of Gantz.

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>>Oh yes, and there was a large black orb resting in the center of the
>>room. That was certainly out of place. No markings on the surface gave
>>any indication of its purpose. That was the real anomaly in this room.
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>Like any good detective, L knew that the last thing he wanted to do was to
>touch or manipulate the device in any way. The first thing he wanted to do
>was to get someone else to do it.
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% Heh.

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>>Wait. The high school student in back. He was different. His was not a
>>look of confusion. On the contrary: it was curiosity and amusement. A
>>closer examination for anything unusual revealed something odd sticking
>>just above the neck of his shirt. Something black and tight. The way he
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>You know, I actually had a hard time visualizing what that sentence meant.
>Perhaps a little clarification? My mind just keeps throwing up the image of
>a choker of some sort or an undershirt.
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% Not far from it. It's the leather uniform sticking above the neckline 
of his shirt.

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>>“No.” ‘Smokes’ phrase of ‘another one’ was further confirmation that
>>this group was not organized. The likelihood this was centered on L
>>became more unlikely. Were these all victims of Light? The Yakuza,
>>perhaps, but the others? None of them were familiar, and L had gone over
>>every confirmed Kira kill he could find. Any high school age victims
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>More importantly, Wataru was not among them. Something that L probably had
>bittersweet emotions about.
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% True, though at this point he might not be thinking along those lines 
since her recognizes none of the others.

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>>Ideas were just starting to coalesce when what appeared to be a laser
>>beam shot out of the black orb just above the wooden floor. It stopped
>>in mid-air for no apparent reason, and began going back and forth at an
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>Which would have been in defiance of all physical laws that L knew about
>since light beams just don't halt in mid air without meeting something. Then
>again he had a fairly strong conviction that he was dead so who was he to
>argue?
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% And it's about to do something even more bizarre in 'faxing' a person. 
Well, a copy of the original, since originals surive sometimes while 
their copies end up in the room.

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>>Keeping one eye on the ever rising beam, L saw the others lacked the
>>shock that would have been appropriate if it had been the first time
>>they saw it, though confusion still reigned over them. All accept the
>>Key. Oh yes, he knew something. It was probable they had all entered the
>>room in the same manner. The Yakuza were the most relaxed. Perhaps they
>>had been the first to arrive.
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>Not unusual given the lives of the Yakuza....
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%True, though this is something even Yak's wouldn't be prepared for.

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>>There was also no open relation to the Key. The newcomer was the most
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>I would use the word "apparent" rather than "open".
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% right

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>>“How did you die?” L asked.
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>"I was standing next to this pigtailed boy. He called this short-haired girl
>approaching him 'uncute'. She pulled a mallet out of nowhere and swung. He
>ducked. I didn't."
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% No, not a Ranma xover, though i think someone did do a Gantz/Ranma 
xover with Ukyou as being beamed into the room.

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>>L prodded him. “What was the last thing that happened to you before you
>>found yourself here?”
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>"A bright, white light."
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>In eerie unision the rest of the people in the room nodded.
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% And then ended up in the room.

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>>A pity the laser had distracted him. Still, L had more information.
>>‘Trying to outrun a train’ rarely met with success. Sudden death, no doubt.
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>L also marked the young man under the category of people he had to be nice
>to. He may be many things but unkind to the obviously mentally handicapped
>is not one of them.
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% Heh.

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>>Was L dead? A hard curl of his fist revealed pain. His body felt like it
>>had before. No. It felt better; a throbbing in his ankle that had
>>bothered him was gone. The orb’s light was creating, no, recreating
>>people somehow. Such technology was impossible. Then again, until a
>>couple of months ago shinigami were thought to be ‘impossible’ as well.
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>A tiny voice in his head started to quote Sir Arthur Conan Doyle. L mentally
>beat it with a savagery that would astonish anyone who knew him. After half
>of his clients expected him to wear a deer-stalker cap, it got really old.
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% Nah. They might think he's a zombie about to eat their brains, but in 
appearance, Sherlock Holmes he aint.

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>>The light was making another person, this one unclothed and female. She
>>was much more… bouncy than Misa, L noted. There was some blood on both
>>wrists. Suicide? Probably, though there were no wounds now.
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>Why did this girl appear with blood on her wrists but the Yakuza with a
>presumed gunshot wound appear with just the hole in his clothing? L decided
>to look for an exit hole later lest the inconsistencies in how this device
>operated drove him to distraction.
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% Canon for the series, though it is a valid question. Perhaps because 
her 'original' survived and her tranfer was partially 'incorrect' since 
she still had blood on her.

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>>lacked any true intelligence. He wouldn’t think someone with L’s…
>>unthreatening appearance a danger until it was far too late.
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>My dear girl, welcome to a life ruled by the Law of Narrative Casuality.
>When the Hero appears before a new group of individuals, he must have the
>chance to prove himself suitably heroic. Save the damsel, drive off the
>bandits, humiliate the Sheriff of Nottingham. You're just lucky this isn't
>an anime like La Blue Girl.
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% Well, if it hadn't been for L, Kato would have saved her, though he 
wasn't the main hero even then. Kei was, and i have to admit, the writer 
went from making him a whiney bitch to a stand up guy ina believable 
way. Actually good characterization admisted the gratuitous violence and 
skin.


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>>“Now you don’t have any urges to give in to,” L said.
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>Except murder. Of L. That was apparently okay since L expected everyone to
>try at least once. Came from his upbringing.
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% Heh. True. But that could be dealt with later.

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>>Further discussion ended as the ball began blaring morning work out
>>music. In poorly written Japanese it declared their lives were its to do
>>with as it pleased. That was not reassuring. It proceeded to tell them
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>Whoever had the insane levels of technology to design and build this machine
>apparently had no idea how to choose suitably dramatic or sinister music.
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>On some level L felt comforted by that.
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% That is true. I think its the paradoxical nature of Gantz (the orb).

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>>they needed to kill something called a green onion alien, complete with
>>an accompanying picture. A joke? A test of their reactions? The
>>technology involved was beyond that of anything known by humans, so
>>perhaps not. And L found the idea of aliens far more realistic than
>>shinigami.
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>Aliens shaped like green onions however did strain his mental processes just
>a tiny bit.
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% What, compared to Ryuk or Rem? They look downright normal.

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>>The sides of the orb popped out, revealing racks filled with several
>>different types of futuristic-looking weapons. L stepped close and saw a
>>man inside the orb, curled into a fetal position. He remained there,
>>unmoving, naked, totally hairless and with some sort of breathing
>>apparatus over his face. L didn’t have the faintest idea what that was
>>about, and had a feeling now was not the time to delve into it.
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>Hmmm............. Gantz?
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% Yep.

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>>In addition to the weapons there was a rack filled with metal suitcases,
>>one bearing his real name on it. How had they discovered that? Were the
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>Welcome to Battle Royale III. Could hardly be worse than the last one
>without inviting Uwe Boll. Oh SHI-
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% Or Azumanga Royale, even.


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>>shinigami involved? No, this was too high tech for them. Some other
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>Considering that they have notebooks that can kill people, I really wouldn't
>discount them having all sorts of fancy things.
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% That wasn't really techie, though. If anything, it's anti technology. 
Just a pen and paper and that's all they need.

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>>agency that operated on some level beyond easy understanding, then.
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>You know, I always did hold that all of them do.
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% Some are exact and to the point.

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>>L decided to play along and grabbed one of each type of ‘weapon’.
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>Why 'weapon'? L had earlier identified all of them as some sort of weapon
>after all which would mean that they were at least familiar to him.
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% Will change.

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>>Getting into the suit was going to be a challenge. It looked skin tight,
>>and even he didn’t think he was much of a fashion plate. “I recommend we
>>all do what the orb says and grab these weapons as well as put on these
>>suits,” L informed the others.
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>Inwardly L wondered at their design. They seemed made of cheap plastic but
>had surprising heft. Most intriguing were the names on the side. Raising
>Heart Excelion? Bardiche Assualt? Laevantine? Did someone run around with an
>electronic dictionary to name weapons?
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% heheheheeh. Very nice.

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>>“Why? They look stupid,” Smokes asked.
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><BOOM!>
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>"You were saying?"
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>"Gimme!"
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>Murphy's Sixth Law of Combat: If it looks stupid but it works, its not
>stupid.
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% He did qualify it with a 'looks stupid' rather than 'it is stupid'/

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>>you back from the dead just to make you look stupid?”
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>"Depends if we're in the grips of an evil, sadistic power who just wants to
>see us dance."
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>"......"
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>"Point taken."
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% Heh. True. Death Note only occurs because Ryuk was bored and wanted to 
be entertained.

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>>Once in charge, L would divine the mystery behind the mysterious ball,
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>Hmm, not so sure but in context did you mean the Key had become the de facto
>leader?
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% No, L. Key (Nishi) wouldn't accept him as it, though, which L realizes.


>>and even the aliens (should they exist) in time. But there was one other
>>matter to take care of once this hunt was over. One case that needed
>>wrapping up.
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>Where in the world could he get lots of sugar around here? He was getting
>irritable from withdrawal and L's trigger finger felt twitchy.
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% Now that would be a problem before too long.

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>>Light Yagami was about to have the worst day of his life, and nothing
>>could stop it. After all, you couldn’t kill someone twice, even with a
>>Death Note.
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>Although apparently you could kick them in the twigs and berries and have it
>*hurt*.
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% But not with a Death Note. :)

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>>Gantz is indeed the manga that was crossed over with Death Note.
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>Yay I called it right!
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>Overall quite an intriguing fic as it plays with placing an old character in
>a new premise. I did expect L's thought processes to contain more intuitive
>leaps though.
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% I thought the opposite and I migth be overdoing it. OTOH, this is L, 
who is a genius. I'm pretty happy with the leaps he's made so far.

% Anyway, thanks for hte thoughtful C+C. I used most of the suggestions. 
It's greatly appreciated.

DB Sommer

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