[FFML] [RE][C&C] [SM] Daughter of Silence

Aaron Nowack anowack at mimiru.net
Thu Jun 5 11:57:04 PDT 2008


Ann Lewis wrote:
> Interesting read.  Quick spelling nitpicks is all I have to offer, as
> I find the idea itself in not much need of polishing.  :)

Glad you enjoyed it. :)

> steed ***you probably meant "speed"***, reaching Hotaru before she had time to be afraid.

Argh.  Yep.


>  As they traveled, the girl observed the various outcroppings
> that disturbed the perfect flatness of the plain. Some seemed to indeed
> be natural rock, others showed signs of having been constructed. Some
> seemed to be more creatures like the one she rode, and others were other
> types of beasts. 
> 
> ***Two "other" used in a row.  I'd probably phrase it differently,
> such as "and others were yet different types of beasts." or something
> like it.  I'm not completely happy with that phrasing either, but I
> hope it will give you ideas.***

Good catch.  I've always had a problem with word repetition.

> Well, that's what I can offer for now, hope it helps!

Thanks for the typo-catching and suggestion!

-- 
           Aaron Nowack
"Never let reality get in the way of a good hypothesis."
http://www.mimiru.net/


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