[FFML] [RE][C&C] [SM] Daughter of Silence

Ann Lewis annplewis at lycos.com
Wed Jun 4 12:01:17 PDT 2008


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Interesting read.  Quick spelling nitpicks is all I have to offer, as I find the idea itself in not much need of polishing.  :)




---------[ Received Mail Content ]----------

 Subject : [FFML] [SM] Daughter of Silence

 Date : Tue, 03 Jun 2008 12:04:52 -0500

 From : Aaron Nowack 

 To : FFML 



So, how about some fanfiction?



This is just a short little thing, written in one sitting, but any C&C

is always welcome.



Daughter of Silence

A Sailor Moon Fanfic

By: Aaron Nowack



***********************************************************************

Disclaimer: The world and most of the characters are Naoko Takeuchi's.

Only the words are mine. By reading this fanfic, you agree to be pulled

away from the wall when the counter-revolution comes.

***********************************************************************


 There was a howl in the distance, and then a closer roar

answered. It came from what Hotaru had thought to be a mound of stone,

and it stirred, becoming in an instant a creature the likes of which

Hotaru had never seen. It resembled a dog, if a dog had no fur and

stood taller than Hotaru at its shoulder. It drew near with surprising

steed ***you probably meant "speed"***, reaching Hotaru before she had time to be afraid.



 The beast turned to look at her, and she read its answer in the
alien face, noting the bold, black star tattooed on its forehead.
Trying not the shake, she seated herself on its back. The best ***BEAST*** let out
a soft rumble, almost a purr, and stood. Then they were moving across
the landscape with the same incredible speed it had shown in reaching
Hotaru.

 As they traveled, the girl observed the various outcroppings
that disturbed the perfect flatness of the plain. Some seemed to indeed
be natural rock, others showed signs of having been constructed. Some
seemed to be more creatures like the one she rode, and others were other
types of beasts. 

***Two "other" used in a row.  I'd probably phrase it differently, such as "and others were yet different types of beasts." or something like it.  I'm not completely happy with that phrasing either, but I hope it will give you ideas.***


Well, that's what I can offer for now, hope it helps!

Ann P. Lewis
(Diese from way back when, for those who might remember me from ffirc ^_^)




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