[FFML] Genma and fitness [was] Kung fu Panda poster

Miashara miashara at deepfriedpuppies.com
Mon Jun 2 07:08:53 PDT 2008


----- Original Message ----- 
From: "David McMillan" <skyefire at skyefire.org>
To: "The Fanfiction Mailing List" <ffml at chez-vrolet.net>
Sent: Monday, June 02, 2008 7:05 AM
Subject: Re: [FFML] Genma and fitness [was] Kung fu Panda poster

> Angus MacSpon wrote:
>> On 31/05/2008, at 20:57, The Eternal Lost Lurker wrote:
>>> Folks?
>>> Does this discussion have anything whatsoever to do with fanfiction?
> Well, it's a tactical analysis discussion of diverse fighting styles. 
> You see, in a Chuck Norris-v-Sumo fight, if CN lets the sumo get a grip 
> on him, he's toast.  If CN is armed the way he usually is in most 
> movies, the sumo is toast.  If CN is unarmed, he needs to stay out of 
> reach, and probably concentrate on lots of kicks for max range.  If CN 
> can stay out of reach and turn the fight into an endurance match, he can 
> probably wear the sumotori down enough to make him vulnerable.
> Which just goes to show, tactics are more important than raw power, or 
> any inherent "style" superiority.
> (What *was* that van Damme movie that featured matchups between 
> fighters of all sorts of different fighting styles?  The little 
> monkey-kung-fu specialist trying to take on the Sumo wrestler sticks out 
> in my mind...)
>> Well, let's see...
>> "Uh, Pops?" said Ranma.  "Why are you doing this again?"
>> Genma cleared his throat.  "Sometimes," he said portentiously (or was
>> that pretentiously?), "a martial artists's got to do what a martial
>> artist's got to do."
> Maybe it's just "ponderously".  :)
>> "But Pops, that's Chuck Norris!  They say he can spit bullets through
>> forty inches of steel!  They say he sharpens his teeth on alligator
>> hide!  They say he --"  Ranma paused.  "Wait a minute.  Alligator
>> hide?"
> For a moment, I was sure Ranma was about to invent Gator-hide-fu right 
> on the spot...
>> His father glared at him.  "So, what, are you saying I can't handle
>> him?"
>> "Well, duh.  I mean, *I* could, obviously.  But you're just a lazy,
>> flabby, middle-aged old bald guy with the brains of a lemming and the
>> ethics of a wolverine."
> <k-SNIKT!>  "You got a problem with wolverines, bub?"
>> "Huh."  Genma gave him a black look and then stripped off his gi,
>> revealing quite a lot of muscle.  And, admittedly, the beginnings of
>> a paunch.  "Son, when all this is over ... you and I will have words.
>> Understand?"
> Now someone needs to write a 'fic where Genma was a sumotori, rather 
> than a student of Anything-Goes, and Ranma shows up on the Tendos' 
> doorstep looking more like a chibi-Sumo wrestler....
> (IIRC, it was a minor plot point in "Comes the Cold Dragon" that Nabiki 
> *used* to get off on watching Sumo wrestling, until Ranma dropped into 
> her life)
>> With a final withering look at Ranma, he strode out of the Tendo dojo,
>> to where the other man waited for him in the street.  He stopped a few
>> paces short and the two stared at each other ... each waiting for the
>> other to make the first move.
>> "Ranma?" whispered Akane.  "You don't really think your rather is all
>> that, do you?  I mean ... really?"
> SP:  Father.
>> Ranma slipped a thin booklet entitled 'A Beginner's Guide to Martial
>> Arts Slander' back into his pocket.  "Nah.  Just wanted to give the old
>> man a little encouragement, that's all.  Man, I thought he wasn't ever
>> gonna get out there!  C'mon, now, this should be good."
> <snerk!>  Now, how long will it take Akane to figure out that he's been 
> doing this to *her* since, well, the day they met?
>> "Um ... okay."  Akane followed him out, a little intrigued by the
>> forthcoming battle herself.  "Hey, Ranma --"
>> "Hmm?"
>> "Spit bullets through forty inches of steel?  Really?"
>> "Sure.  It's well-documented on the Internet.  Nabiki showed me."
> Ah, Wikipedia, how we do love thee...
>> "Wow."  Akane settled down expectantly.  Ranma was right; this really
>> should be an interesting match.  And even as she watched, there came a
>> sudden shout from the street -- and the two men rushed at each other.
> Ranma staggered away, feeling as if he'd just eaten one of Akane's 
> meals.  Akane herself looked about the same way.
> "I can't believe it," Ranma said finally.  "I mean, that was... was..."
> "I know."  Akane shuddered nauseously.  "Watching your father use the 
> Cradle attack on *you* was bad enough, but on a full-grown man -- oooh, 
> I think I'm going to throw up again!"
>> END
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