[FFML] Genma and fitness [was] Kung fu Panda poster

David McMillan skyefire at skyefire.org
Mon Jun 2 06:05:50 PDT 2008

Angus MacSpon wrote:
> On 31/05/2008, at 20:57, The Eternal Lost Lurker wrote:
>> Folks?
>> Does this discussion have anything whatsoever to do with fanfiction?

	Well, it's a tactical analysis discussion of diverse fighting styles. 
You see, in a Chuck Norris-v-Sumo fight, if CN lets the sumo get a grip 
on him, he's toast.  If CN is armed the way he usually is in most 
movies, the sumo is toast.  If CN is unarmed, he needs to stay out of 
reach, and probably concentrate on lots of kicks for max range.  If CN 
can stay out of reach and turn the fight into an endurance match, he can 
probably wear the sumotori down enough to make him vulnerable.
	Which just goes to show, tactics are more important than raw power, or 
any inherent "style" superiority.
	(What *was* that van Damme movie that featured matchups between 
fighters of all sorts of different fighting styles?  The little 
monkey-kung-fu specialist trying to take on the Sumo wrestler sticks out 
in my mind...)

> Well, let's see...
> "Uh, Pops?" said Ranma.  "Why are you doing this again?"
> Genma cleared his throat.  "Sometimes," he said portentiously (or was
> that pretentiously?), "a martial artists's got to do what a martial
> artist's got to do."

	Maybe it's just "ponderously".  :)

> "But Pops, that's Chuck Norris!  They say he can spit bullets through
> forty inches of steel!  They say he sharpens his teeth on alligator
> hide!  They say he --"  Ranma paused.  "Wait a minute.  Alligator
> hide?"

	For a moment, I was sure Ranma was about to invent Gator-hide-fu right 
on the spot...

> His father glared at him.  "So, what, are you saying I can't handle
> him?"
> "Well, duh.  I mean, *I* could, obviously.  But you're just a lazy,
> flabby, middle-aged old bald guy with the brains of a lemming and the
> ethics of a wolverine."

	<k-SNIKT!>  "You got a problem with wolverines, bub?"

> "Huh."  Genma gave him a black look and then stripped off his gi,
> revealing quite a lot of muscle.  And, admittedly, the beginnings of
> a paunch.  "Son, when all this is over ... you and I will have words.
> Understand?"

	Now someone needs to write a 'fic where Genma was a sumotori, rather 
than a student of Anything-Goes, and Ranma shows up on the Tendos' 
doorstep looking more like a chibi-Sumo wrestler....
	(IIRC, it was a minor plot point in "Comes the Cold Dragon" that Nabiki 
*used* to get off on watching Sumo wrestling, until Ranma dropped into 
her life)

> With a final withering look at Ranma, he strode out of the Tendo dojo,
> to where the other man waited for him in the street.  He stopped a few
> paces short and the two stared at each other ... each waiting for the
> other to make the first move.
> "Ranma?" whispered Akane.  "You don't really think your rather is all
> that, do you?  I mean ... really?"

	SP:  Father.

> Ranma slipped a thin booklet entitled 'A Beginner's Guide to Martial
> Arts Slander' back into his pocket.  "Nah.  Just wanted to give the old
> man a little encouragement, that's all.  Man, I thought he wasn't ever
> gonna get out there!  C'mon, now, this should be good."

	<snerk!>  Now, how long will it take Akane to figure out that he's been 
doing this to *her* since, well, the day they met?

> "Um ... okay."  Akane followed him out, a little intrigued by the
> forthcoming battle herself.  "Hey, Ranma --"
> "Hmm?"
> "Spit bullets through forty inches of steel?  Really?"
> "Sure.  It's well-documented on the Internet.  Nabiki showed me."

	Ah, Wikipedia, how we do love thee...

> "Wow."  Akane settled down expectantly.  Ranma was right; this really
> should be an interesting match.  And even as she watched, there came a
> sudden shout from the street -- and the two men rushed at each other.

	Ranma staggered away, feeling as if he'd just eaten one of Akane's 
meals.  Akane herself looked about the same way.
	"I can't believe it," Ranma said finally.  "I mean, that was... was..."
	"I know."  Akane shuddered nauseously.  "Watching your father use the 
Cradle attack on *you* was bad enough, but on a full-grown man -- oooh, 
I think I'm going to throw up again!"


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