[FFML] [spamfic/idea][??/??] No Such Thing
The Eternal Lost Lurker
lurkerdrome at sbcglobal.net
Fri Jul 4 04:09:56 PDT 2008
A messy, satisfying splatter marked the end of another successful job.
The demon hunter stowed his weapon, gave a sigh of deep contentment, and
withdrew a cigar from a pocket of his trenchcoat.
Just as he had clenched his teeth around the finest product of Cuba, a black
blur entered his field of vision. "STOP RIGHT THERE!" shouted a high, nasal
"Hm?" the hunter subvocalized, quirking an eyebrow.
The black blur resolved itself into a small saurian creature, mostly covered
in a sleek black and white bodysuit. A round emblem graced the breast of the
uniform: a raised black dial with a crest in the shape of a stylized white
"Okay, and what the hell are *you* supposed to be?" the hunter asked in a
The visor on the lizard's helmet slid up, revealing a blue-skinned face and
narrowed yellow eyes. "I'm the guy who's gonna kick your butt back to
wherever you came from!"
"Oh yeah?" The hunter fished around in his coat pockets, producing a long
wooden match. He struck the match against one of the splintered, uneven
stumps on his forehead, then lit his cigar, taking a deep drag before
blowing out the match and tossing it into the gutter. "Is that so?"
"And you're a litterbug on top of everything else!" the lizard continued
With an irritated grunt and a long exhalation of smoke, the red-skinned
demon slayer produced a massive hand cannon from a concealed holster,
levelling its muzzle at the saurian nuisance. "So sue me."
And then, suddenly, the creature wasn't there anymore. An instant later,
neither was the hunter's gun. "What the--?!"
The black blur returned, resolving into the lizard creature again. "Sheesh,
this thing's heavy!" it protested, dropping the hand cannon to the sidewalk
with a loud crash.
The demon hunter sighed deeply, shoulders slumped. "Okay, why'd you go and
do that? 'Cause now, I'm gonna have to kick your ass."
"Just try it! I've handled bigger, tougher aliens than you!"
The hunter blinked. "Alien? What the--?" He then gave a laugh that rattled
nearby windows. "There ain't no such thing as aliens!"
"Oh yeah? Then what the heck do you think *I* am?!" the lizard retorted.
The infamous demon stalker, believed by many to be nothing more than an
urban legend, eyed the strange creature for a moment, frowning. He then took
one last, long drag from his cigar before tossing it into the gutter.
"A two minute workout," Hellboy replied at length, cracking his neck loudly.
This is just an odd little notion I had last night, and I had to nail it
down in writing. I'll say this up front: I have no intention whatsoever of
doing anything further with this. If anyone else wants to take a whack at
it, by all means feel free. ^_^
Hellboy belongs to Dark Horse Comics
and Columbia Pictures. Ben 10 belongs
to Cartoon Network. Used without permission.
The Eternal Lost Lurker
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