[FFML] [C&C] Re: [fic][Dark Cloud] DARK CORONA: Days -1 through 5

The Eternal Lost Lurker lurkerdrome at sbcglobal.net
Tue Jul 1 22:11:26 PDT 2008

> > [Day -1, Night]
> If One Hundred Days taught me anything, it's that this formatting choice
> can lead to exceedingly long stories.  (Unless one "skips" days, I

Heh. Well, there's a reason it's this way. I'm following the way the games
work, and the games keep a tab of how many days pass in your adventure, as
well as the time of day (DC1 only uses "morning/afternoon/dusk/night"
whereas DC2 has an actual clock, which runs at Sims speed).

> Hrm.  I'd suggest splitting this into more sentences.  It's a fairly big
> chunk of text.


> > *Besides,* he told himself, *Mom says Atla are usually found in some
kind of
> > dungeon or secluded, bounded area...a canyon is certainly bounded, and I
> > see caves over there.*
> This certainly isn't for game design reasons... :)

Oh, definitely not. :)

oversized rat
> > with its tail tied around a mining pick. He blinked. "Ooooookay..."
> ...okay indeed.

The Pick Rats are based on a common enemy class in DC2. In the first
dungeon, you encounter Sewer Rats, which are big rats with logs tied in
their tails. In the fourth dungeon, you meet their stronger cousins, Beach
Rats, who have...was it driftwood or surfboards? I forget. Then in the last
dungeon, you run into Castle Eaters--rats with giant forks tied up in their
tails. And then in the bonus dungeon, Death Mouse--a black rat with a

Yes, Level-5's monster designers are on something.

> Then again, it beats trying to rationalize monsters that look like giant
> playing cards, as I kinda sorta tried to do in a Suikoden fanfic once
> upon a time...

Funny you should mention playing card monsters...

> > "Where th' hell is everybody?" the man rumbled, staring around wildly.
> > what th' hell happened to th' town?"
> Awkward.

No kidding.

> > "Thanks." Blackstone bent to pick up the money. "Why would a bag o'
> > have money, anyway?"
> Same reason that wolves carry full suits of plate armor!


> > The miner sighed. "Yeah, you're right. We'll come back in th' mornin'."
> So, knowing nothing about the game, I'm guessing the dungeons are
> randomly generated each time you enter and the Gates are checkpoints?

Pretty much. You can replay any floor of any dungeon as many times as you
want, and the layout will always change. One monster on each floor will
carry a Key Item, and once you have the Key Item, you can open the gate to
the next floor and proceed. You can choose to leave the dungeon when you
open a Gate (usually a good idea for several reasons), and when you next
return to the dungeon, you can continue onward at the next sequential floor.

> Hmm.  Not too much to say in the general comments here; it's
> well-written (of course), and engages in some much-needed-for-me setting
> establishing.  The decision to stick as closely to game mechanics as it
> seems you are is a tad unusual (at least, for a mostly serious story of
> this quality) but it works fairly well thus far.

Yeah, keeping it on track AND meshing the game mechanics is tricky, but it's
important to my purposes with this. Besides, I've always wanted to poke fun
at game mechanics in a video game fanfic...this seems as good a time as any.

> I didn't notice any formatting problems on my end, incidentally.

That's a relief.

Incidentally, for those having a hard time picturing the sword, Dark Cloud:


(Thanks to Jorge Pratt for screencapping this.)

Thanks for the C&C!

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