[FFML] Ref: [fanfic][Ranma/MKR] Fire in the Water, Act 2

[The Eternal Lost Lurker]

> > "What's the latest news from our patrols?"

> "Farmer Mack lost his cow again, the Chevy brothers were > caught
vandalizing Presea's outer wall with obscene grafitti, > and a drunk Ascot
and Caldina jacked one of Mokona's
> flying dishes and led the Royal Guard on a high-speed
> chase around Windam's shrine. Captain Hummer just sent > that to Cephiro's
Wildest Videos."

> "Really? That doesn't sound exciting enough for them."

> "It wasn't, not until Caldina thought tossing her top at the
> guards would make a good diversion."

*dies laughing* Nice :)

>> "Not good. The sporadic reports of crops dying and trees
>> rotting...it's become more widespread. And now there's some kind of
>> plague. Animals are dying, horrible new monsters are appearing...the
>> land itself is dead in places. It's getting worse by the day."

> You know that's going to cause unrest among the people,
> which, in turn, leads to more monsters popping up. That's
> not a vicious circle, that's a downwards spiral.

Oh, it gets even worse than THAT.

> Hm. Who's doing the reporting, here? The dialogue
> suggests that Clef opened with the request for news, so the > way the "And
the Pillar?" question is made comes off as
> insubordinate, or at least not as respectful as it should be.

Well, just assume it's Lafarga. :)

> > *Umi. Fuu. Hikaru. I'm...sorry.*

> Well, yeah... but you'd also be a LOT more useful as the
> High Mage (or whatever his title is) if you went out and
> _did_ something to help, instead of standing around
> watching the land deteriorate and bemoaning your fate.

Clef is a master of delegation.

> Same deal with the uppercase "E" here :)

It's a copy-paste, so of course it's the same error. :) Fixed.

>> "What did we just LAND on?" Ryouga asked, picking himself up.
>>
>> "It fish. It too too big fish. It flying."

> Fyula: *chirping angrily* I'm a Summoned Monster, not a
> ferry service! I bet Bahamut doesn't have to put up with this. > ;_;

*snrk*

>> "How the hell did we get here?" Ryouga asked.

> Like _he_ should be asking that kind of question :P

Heh.

> Though I wonder if Hikaru herself had been in that situation > while in
Jusenkyo/in Ranma's body, or if she just went
> directly (or almost) from "drowning" to "waking up at
> Fuurinkan."

Hmm. Hadn't really thought about that.

...not going to, either. :)

> Lacking a body, does he "look down" and "see" himself as a > wispy
apparition? Or is he a disembodied point of view?

He's a floating point of perception. He can "see" and "hear" in all the
usual ways...it's just that his projection remains unmoving.

> It'd be funny, though... since Clef manifested mostly through > Mokona's
gem, if Ranma could appear on there too.

Heh!

> So secure your trays and return your seats to an upright
> position already. And, Fuu, use of electronic devices is
> forbidden at this time, so put away your DS.

*Fuu quicksaves on FF4DS*

> Um, did Fyula drop them off at the castle, or at the cliff?

He dropped them off wherever the hell Clef was, which is neither place. :)

>> "That's what WE wanna know!" Umi shouted, storming up to the mage and
>> leaning down to shout in his face. "Haven't you and your princess done
>> enough damage? What the hell was the point of bringing us back here?"

> Wow, unusually restrained for her. All things considered, I'd > have
expected her to pile-drive him into the ground at first
> sight. :P

Heh!

> (...as an aside, although MKR2 can explain who/why/how
> they were summoned back, it would make for a unique plot > device if
Emeraude or a similar power had called them
> precisely to _end_ the Princess' suffering.)

Well, let's just say that knowing how both the anime AND manga versions of
MKR2 end will help you figure out just what the hell brought them back to
Cephiro. :)

>> "Also, your appearance has changed considerably," Clef noted, studying
>> Hikaru.

> Clef: *thinking* Yes, _considerably_... H_H

*all the girls mallet Clef*

> Hmm. Throughout this scene, many paragraphs start with
> "Clef [action]ed. The weary sigh from various characters is
> also starting to get repetitive. I suggest shuffling around the >
paragraph openers and substituting reactions for responses > with similar,
but not identical, attitudes.

Yeah...this is one of the things I have the most trouble with,
stylistically, and even when I'm actively trying to avoid it, it STILL
happens. -_-

*snip note about Clef's reaction*

You know...you're probably right about that. This may call for an extensive
rewrite of that scene...

> Er, a sudden change of subject ^^;; Again, considering
> Clef's usual demeanor, I'd have him wallow on his shame
> and sympathy a little longer before bringing up the plot.

Well, Cephiro is kind of dying around them, much like it did in MKR2 (if not
quite as rapidly)...he's kind of got other things on his mind... ^^;;

>> "During the third week, Princess Emeraude fell into a death-like
>> sleep. No healing magic we tried roused her. Zagato has stayed by her
>> side the entire time.

> Some help _he_ is. Meanwhile, a little elf boy in green robes > is working
hard to find the Triforce of Courage, all on his
> lonesome.

Heh!

>> "You've got a hell of a lot to answer for, pal!" Ukyou cried, marching
>> across the room and grabbing the priest by the front of his robes.

> Heh! An impressive feat for a sixteen year-old Japanese girl, > seeing how
Zags could dwarf an American basketball
> player :P

We're talking about a girl who swings around the spatula that ate Manhattan
here. :P

>> "He has allowed himself to wither," Clef finished.

> That's counterproductive. If he really loved Emeraude that
> much, he'd put all his will into projecting himself as a pillar of >
strength (er, no pun intended.) Then again, the fact that
> she's in a death-sleep and can't actually receive his support > (or could
she?) makes it a moot point.

Zagato's emofagging. He's a biseinen. It comes with the territory.

>> "The spell I cast was intended to erase you from existence.
>> Permanently." Zagato sighed.

> Ukyou: You're not helping your case, jackass.

No kidding.

>> "Shut up..."
>
>> Clef coughed.

> I don't think the dejected "Shut up..." is needed there. That, > or make
it an exasperated "Oh, shut up." instead.

Good call.

>> "Poisoning the water supply," Clef said, shaking his head. "A
>> deliberate act...unthinkable."

> "Nothing can beat the music of hundreds of voices
> screaming in unison!" *tinny laughter*

> "...oh, great, it's this clown again."

Heh!

> Where is the grubby peasant getting his educated vocab? :P