[FFML] [Sailor Moon] Double Exposure 3 [Dark/Comedy]

[Brian Randall]

On Mon, Dec 3, 2007 at 10:44 AM, Paul Durant <031537 at comcast.net> wrote:
>    Sailor Moon was created by Naoko Takeuchi, and the DARK•MATTER
>  setting was written by Wolfgang Baur and Monte Cook. I own neither of
>  these things, and expect that if either of those last two people Google
>  their own names they are going to be incredibly confused.

As always, my C&C is typically opinion only and should be ignored/used
as you see fit.

>    For being an ancient, alien demon who has been on Earth longer than
>  mankind has, simmering for millennia in his own toxic hatred, eternally
>  trapped a handsbreadth away from reality, seeing everything but only
>  able to affect it in the most transient of ways, ever longing to be free
>  and to annihilate the world that has imprisoned him, for all this the
>  creature most recently known as the Pharaoh 90 is a very patient, very
>  accomodating sort.

handsbreadth -- hands-breadth
accomodating -- accommodating

>    Pharaoh 90 chose to operate like this because, and deep down he
>  realizes this, he is squeamish. He is capable of directly controlling a
>  human mind but almost never does so, and even then only for incredibly
>  short periods, because it is gross. To him it is like wearing someone
>  else's dirty underwear, only instead of putting it on his groin he is
>  putting it on the immaterial essence of his mind which is arguably more
>  valuable. Even when he put into motion a plan that required close
>  contact with his summoners, he psionically crafted a separate
>  intelligence and used it to possess the human he was using as a focal
>  point, one that was far less intelligent and skilled than he was, just
>  so he wouldn't have to get his soul dirty by touching icky human brains
>  with it.

You know, this is a novel approach to cthulian intelligences.  It's
not that we're too fragile to them, it's that we're too disgusting,
much the same way we might view insects, or bacteria.  I've also never
seen someone try and give this guy personality, so props for that.

>    And instead, he was trapped again, worse, locked in a space that was
>  no space, expansive and claustrophobic, a dull gray he could sense even
>  without eyes, for the past 58 hours and 45 minutes. Unable to see or
>  effect the hated human world at all, he's had a lot of time to reflect
>  on his past mistakes, on how they led to this current failure, and
>  Pharaoh 90 has made a decision.
>
>    He is absolutely done fucking around.

Yeah, I could see that, too.

>    "Your English is really good," Bill said more to fill up the awful
>  Silence than to actually communicate an idea, "I bet that took a lot of
>  practice."

capitalization Intentional?

>    "I don't. They just think I do because I got this autistic kid to
>  open up and tell us where his dad -- who was some kind of crazy wizard
>  guy -- where he ran off to so we could stop him from blowing up Spokane.
>  And the only reason I could do that was my cable had been on the fritz
>  and one of the only shows I could get was the one he was obsessed with."

Was it Monk?

It was Monk, wasn't it?

>    The five Senshi met at the hospital now that Usagi was awake,
>  hopefully to shed some light on what had happened. Ami and Minako, who
>  had gone home that fateful night, had a lot of creative explaining to do
>  as to where they were and what they were doing but for the most part
>  found family members who were happy they were safe and, relatively
>  speaking, healthy. Makoto had just spent a night at the hospital, having
>  no pressing reason to go home, and the doctors wanted to keep Rei
>  overnight for observation even after she regained consciousness. Usagi
>  had come to last night and looked to be getting the same treatment. Her
>  parents were here, relieved beyond words that their daughter was alive.
>  It had taken a couple of hours, but Usagi had finally convinced them to
>  leave and let her discuss "girl things" with her friends; even then the
>  five of them whispered as Usagi's parents were right outside the door.

as Usagi's parents -- as, or as if?

>    "We don't think this was Sailor Saturn's plan," interrupted Rei, and
>  quickly so Usagi wouldn't start crying. "She hadn't even turned to face
>  the Pharaoh yet when it happened, and she looked like she was preparing
>  to do something but she wasn't ready yet. When the portal exploded I
>  think she was as suprised as anyone."

suprised -- surprised

>    Makoto sighed. "We aren't sure. We think the Pharaoh 90 is dead, or
>  back on his home planet, nobody's seen a sign of him or any daimons
>  since the incident. We think that maybe a piece of equipment must have
>  overloaded, or malfunctioned, or something. Nobody's been able to find
>  Neptune, Uranus or Saturn either -- and there was no school on Friday
>  and it's the weekend now so we've had time to look."

home planet, nobody's -- home planet; nobody's

>    Makoto got ready to admonish Usagi about how this was serious and
>  pretending there wasn't a problem wouldn't solve it... and then she
>  realized son of a bitch, Usagi's right. That inner spark, that point of
>  light, was there and simmering with the same intensity it ever had. It
>  must have faded back in instead of appearing as abruptly as it left, and
>  like the fabled frog in the pot of boiling water the changes had been
>  too gradual for any of them to notice. It hadn't come back as of 8 AM
>  this morning, which was the last time any of them checked, but that left
>  seven hours afterward for it to gradually seep back. Minako, Ami, and
>  Rei, all coming to the same realization, blushed and turned away in
>  unison and felt like colossal jackasses.

Colorful language for a shoujo fanfiction, but about perfect for
DARK*MATTER as I understand it.

>  A couple seconds later a young man came on the public address system and
>  announced, matter-of-factly, "Tomoe Hotaru is in room 409."
>
>    "Well..." said Minako, "I guess that's one question answered?"

This should be interesting.

>    Meanwhile, Uniform-Man had calmly walked to the other side of
>  Hotaru's bed and started to make off with her. He'd reached for her as
>  if to grab her and throw her over his shoulder, but she raised a hand
>  and indicated she'd go with him on her own. She disconnected the
>  electrodes on her chest, leaving the white circles of gauze, and calmly
>  removed the IV from her arm. She sat up and tenatively put a foot onto
>  the floor; confirming she could walk, she stood up and began to follow
>  Uniform-Man out of the room. She turned back and looked at Bill with an
>  expression that said 'I could be resisting but what would be the point?'

tenatively -- tentatively

>    Gown-Girl kicked Bill in the back of the knee before he could bring
>  his other foot back into position and then both of them hit the floor .
>  Bill was throwing elbows behind him to try and dislodge the girl but he
>  couldn't get them far enough behind him with any force. She re-
>  positioned herself to sit above him, one arm still around his throat,
>  and she grabbed the clear plastic tube that had just been in Hotaru's
>  arm and started wrapping it around Bill's neck. Bill tried to get his
>  thumbs underneath the girl's improvised garrote to give himself enough
>  room to breathe but he wasn't quite fast enough.

Where's his backup?  If the big boss wants to recruit her, I'd expect
Akens or Donna to keep an eye on the hallway, or at least be in the
building to hear the PA announcement.

>    Uniform-Man was walking ahead of Hotaru and so he reached the door
>  first and bumped into Donna Truitt, spilling some hot chocolate out of
>  the mug she was holding. Both of them looked confused for a split-
>  second, and then Donna shattered the ceramic mug across the man's face,
>  dousing him with hot liquid as well. He winced and covered his eyes and
>  left himself open for Donna to punch him in the solar plexus, take a
>  half-step backwards, and then kick him in the stomach and send him
>  rolling over the foot and into the bed Hotaru had just been laying in.

Right.  Never mind me, then. <_<;

>    "Those were Mugen Academy students," Hotaru said without looking at
>  either one of them. "They're still under the Pharaoh 90's control and
>  they want to bring me back to summon him. If they took me, I would have
>  had another chance to kill him."
>
>    Donna thought about that for a second. "Yeah, Bill, what did you go
>  and do that for?"

Donna's for letting Hotaru run off alone to try to take on Pharaoh 90?

>    "One of them must have found out where she was and then called them
>  all up there!" said Minako, "We've got to get up there before they take
>  off with her!"

Minako, "We've -- Minako.  "We've

>    "Oh, everytyhing we could," chimed Minako sweetly. "But you know how
>  us girls are, once we get to chatting we can go at it for hours!"

everytyhing -- everything

>    Minako and Makoto looked at each other, then Minako spun and kicked
>  open the door to the room next to Usagi's. It was occupied, but by an
>  eldery man who seemed not to respond to the loud noises or Minako's
>  sudden intrusion -- it'd have to do. Makoto dug through her pockets for
>  her wand, flinging aside newsstand reciepts and Tootsie Roll wrappers
>  and spare change, Minako slammed the door behind them, and almost in
>  unison they cried:

eldery -- elderly

And that's going to make an awesome (and totally unbelieved) story for
the great-grandkids.


>    "OW!" gasped Jupiter as she put a hand out on the wall to brace
>  herself. "Okay, that's good to know. Sailor Transformation makes a leg
>  cast go away. Sailor Transformation heals minor wounds. Sailor
>  Transformation does NOT heal a broken leg."

That's going to suck.

>    The door to Usagi's room flew upen and out came Sailor Moon, looking
>  dismayed and with a bunch of wires tangled into the ribbon on her chest.
>  Just behind her was a grimacing Sailor Jupiter using her metal crutch in
>  a gait so wide it would be more accurately named a 'pole-vault'. All
>  three of them made it to Usagi's parents at about the same time, so all
>  three of them saw what was in the lobby at once.

This should be good.

>    Bill opened the sliding door and Hotaru walked in like a cow being
>  led up the slaighterhouse ramp, feeling like an idiot holding her
>  transformation pen. The seat was uncomfortable, lumpy. Bill opened his
>  own door, jumped into the seat, and immediately swore. "Son of a BITCH!"

slaighterhouse -- slaughterhouse

>    Bill pulled a rectangular hunk of plastic from unerneath his thigh.
>  "Nadine left her phone in the car again."

unerneath -- underneath

>    "DAMN it!" Donna smacked the wheel. "What's the point of having one
>  of those if you leave it in the car all the time?"

...I end up doing that sometimes myself. <_<

>    She stopped, and they switched seats, Bill immediately identifying
>  the source of discomfort in the backseat as his Mosin Nagant sniper
>  rifle laid across the seat with a blanket thrown carelessly over it.
>  Hotaru got into the front seat, buckled her seatbelt, and with two
>  fingers holding her transformation pen opened the road atlas and began
>  to navigate Donna toward the Juuban Hilton. It would be much later when
>  she recognized the significance of this event, if she thought it was
>  significant now she would not have done it. It was the first time after
>  her recent attempt at suicide-by-Silence that she had put herself in a
>  position where another person trusted her, no matter how minor the role.

Interesting.

>    The daimon turned to face them with its huge red LED eyes and wide,
>  functionless metal jaw; it could only turn its head so far and ended up
>  facing a point 30 degrees away from them. "SHUT UP!" it shouted, "SHUT
>  UP SHUT UP SHUUUT UUUP JUST SHUT UP!" Its voice was harried and a bit
>  panicked; to the extent a electrical-demon-robot has an identifiable
>  tone of voice.

...what was this thing made out of? O_o

>    The coils lining its body flared to life with crackling blue-white
>  power, the lights all flickered, and the other people in the room
>  stopped manhandling the unconscious bodies in the room and all ducked
>  behind cover. The charge built up in a split-second that seemed to take
>  hours, a hum rising in pitch until it was almost outside of human
>  auditory range. Venus agonized for an instant before she dove into Moon
>  to get her out of the way of the attack, but Jupiter was out of her
>  reach and there was no way she could get out of the way in time. She
>  didn't even try to move to avoid the attack, she just let go of the
>  metal crutch and pushed it off to her side.

A tesla coil.  I should know that.

>    Jupiter, totally unmarred, scoffed. She looked upward -- as if she
>  could even see something mounted in the center of her own forehead --
>  and muttered "Lightning rods don't even work that way."

muttered "Lightning -- muttered, "Lightning

>    "GO AWAY!" the monster howled, waving its arm as it built another
>  charge. "GO AWAY GO AWAY GO AWAYAWAYAWAY WHY ARE YOU STILL HERE!" Venus
>  peeked her head around the corner and almost instantly another discharge
>  of electricity, one mercifully less intense, streaked from the daimon's
>  body directly into her face. She yelped and was thrown backwards a good
>  two feet, luckily Moon grabbed her and was able to get her back behind
>  the cover of the wall before the monster could discharge again.

Some of these sentences are very long with many clauses (lots of
'and's).  You might want to try cutting them up a bit?  Not sure how,
though, and it does also work as a style, if unorthodox.

>    She slowly, deliberately dropped her shoe on the ground and lined her
>  foot up with Usagi's boot. The daimon had rotated around to face her
>  completely and appeared to have built up a full charge but was doing
>  nothing, unless repeating "HURRY UP HURRY UP WHY ARE YOU TAKING SO
>  LONG?" counted as something.

Very high frequency, it seems. o_o

>    And then, the momentary pain passed, though the constant pain that
>  underlied it was still pretty significant. Jupiter wiped a tear of pain
>  from her eye and experimentally lifted her left leg a little. It hurt,
>  it hurt like she'd been stabbed, but that was a lot less than it did
>  before and she could deal with it if she had to. And she did. Gingerly,
>  on three limbs, she crab-walked over to Venus and Moon, who helped her
>  to stand.

underlied -- underlay (I think)

>    "I think I'm going to throw up," she replied. Venus and Moon shifted
>  thier stances so no part of them was in front of her.

thier -- their

>    Venus howled "Crescent Beam SMASH!" not even bothering with the
>  gestures this time. Brilliant yellow energy shot from her fingertips
>  right above Jupiter's elbow and streaked toward the daimon. What
>  happened next was over in a fraction of a second, but was so bright that
>  Jupiter could just study the afterimages it left in her vision to
>  determine what hapened. The electrical coils had all fired at a point in
>  space about five meters away from the monster and that's where the
>  streak the Crescent Beam left in her eyes stopped. She blinked and shook
>  her head a few times to dispel the afterimages. "Did I get it? What
>  happened?" asked Venus.

hapened -- happened

>    "Electricity doesn't work that way either!" snapped Jupiter in
>  exasparation. "Oh, wait, hang on, pull your hand back. SPARKLING WIDE
>  PRESSURE!" Jupiter's arm shot out in front of her and the hallway was
>  illuminated by pure white light. "Okay, two of them are coming for us,
>  it can suck up my attacks if they aren't directed at it, pull me back
>  pull me back PULL ME BACK!"

exasperation

>    "Hey, hey, she's 13. That's different." Phil gave her the exasparated
>  look he got to use so seldomly. "Eh, I don't know. Donna made it sound
>  like Nakami thought she had some kind of power and that we'd need to use
>  it more than we'd need to study it."

exasparated -- exasperated
seldomly -- seldom (I believe)

>    "Set people on water, maybe? That'd be a neat trick." She sighed. "I
>  don't like it any more than you do. This girl needs extensive therapy
>  and instead we've got Bill 'The Government Took My Skynyrd Tapes'
>  Wheeler up there, lying to her about how she's won a contest and gets to
>  go on a fun trip or something. But once Nakami gets something in his
>  head like this, he's not going to let go."

Oh, nice.

>    Phil cracked the hint of a smile. "In his enormous head with his big
>  black eyes." Nadine giggled, slapped him lightly. A couple of people
>  jostled into them as they ran by, then a couple more. "Is there like a
>  band making an appearance here? I swear I hear this, like, tenny-bopper
>  screaming that OH SHIT."

tenny-bopper -- teeny-bopper

>    "No, they all were suprised to see us, and they kept getting in each
>  other's way duiring the fight, and they would all try to get into room
>  409 before they started really going at us even though we were outside
>  it. It's like they all just thought nobody else was going to get Hotaru
>  so they had to do it, and they all showed up at once. Anyway, it took us
>  a while, and by the time we dealt with the last ones the first ones were
>  coming back to consciousness, but we got them stuffed into a supply
>  closet and we tipped over an ice machine in front of it. Ami was going
>  to check on the other floors and see if anyone needed help getting out
>  and I ran down here to see if you needed any." She paused and looked
>  downward. "Sailor Moon, where did your other shoe go?"

suprised -- surprised
duiring -- during

4 is considered an unlucky number in Japanese culture, because the
word for it is 'shi', which is also 'death'.  Often, hospitals will go
from floor 3 to 5.

>    "We've got some kind of super-Daimon down here" said Venus. "Hits us
>  with a bolt of lightning if we expose ourselves to it, luckily it's too
>  big to move around and chase us. Can't hurt Sailor Jupiter, but..." she
>  looked down at Jupiter on the floor, whimpering at a volume she thought
>  the others couldn't hear. "but her Sailor Transformation took her leg
>  cast off and it almost hurts too much for her to move. She's using that
>  boot to hold it in place but it's not as good as she needs it to be. And
>  her lightning attacks can't hurt it, either. The Daimon was extracting
>  Heart Crystals out of everyone in the lobby, now it's just waiting on us
>  and shouting we should hurry up. There's two uh, Mugens out there with
>  it, but they haven't come for us."

hear. "but -- hear. "But

>    "Do you think that things made of love conduct electricity?"

That is a very unique line.

>    "Not that I can remeber, no."

remeber -- remember

>    "I don't think it was meant to be used like that..." Sailor Moon
>  looked down at the rod in her hand, "...but if you need it, then you
>  need it, Mako-chan." She placed the enchanted scepter of the Moon
>  Kingdom into the hands of someone planning to use it as a billy club and
>  smiled.

Nice.

>    The monster appeared not to have moved from its position, and when it
>  saw Jupiter it started yelling "WHY HAVEN'T YOU GONE AWAY YET? WHY ARE
>  YOU MAKING ME DEAL WITH THIS! YOU'RE DELAYING THINGS! GO AWAY!" Jupiter
>  wondered what it would do if she really did leave, as the creature had
>  seen her vanish behind the wall and yet had not resumed whatever it was
>  doing that was so important. Next to it was a stack of unconscious
>  people, three wide, waiting on the daimon to drain their pure hearts.
>  Everyone in the room had been assembled into the stack, save for the six
>  or so that had already been drained, and the stack was now about thigh-
>  high -- really too big to stay together on its own; the Mugen who had
>  been piling them together was now just picking up the same two people
>  who kept falling off the top and placing them back on the top, where
>  they fell off within seconds. Occasionally someone started to wake up,
>  and the Mugen punched him or her in the head until they stopped moving
>  again. The other Mugen was walking back and forth, looking under the
>  seats and benches as if checking for people he missed. He was also
>  looking underneath magazines and handbags and potted plants, so maybe he
>  was looking for very tiny people he missed.

yelling "WHY -- yelling, "WHY

>    Jupiter hopped, slowly even for someone hopping on one foot, into the
>  lobby. She kept a wide berth around the daimon -- she was pretty damn
>  sure she wasn't immune to an electricty-monster punching her. Or
>  snapping her like a toothpick, which he could damn well do with those
>  massive hands. She hopped a slow circle around the creature, wishing
>  that she was shorter or the Moon Rod longer so she could use it as a
>  cane. The daimon continued to shout "GO AWAY! GO AWAY! SHUT UP AND GO
>  AWAY!" at her, and rotate its head to keep her in sight, but once she'd
>  made 30 degrees of the circle around it she realized it was not rotating
>  its body to face her. She wouldn't be much use if SHE was behind it,
>  because those damn generator-arms of its could draw away her lightning
>  attacks from a much greater distance and wider angle than they stopped
>  Venus's Crescent Beam from. She waited for Mugen Number 2 to pass her by
>  as if she didn't exist, then picked up the issue of Rolling Stone he'd
>  just lifted up and looked beneath for the fourth time. She put her hand
>  on the bottom corner, pointed the spine at the daimon, and gave it a
>  fling. The pages flapped open as the magazine turned end over end, and
>  then John Entwhistle on the front and the bottle of Absolut vodka on the
>  back were both incinerated by a burst of electricity from the daimon's
>  arms. "YOU'RE NOT DOING ANYTHING! WHY WON'T YOU STOP DOING IT?" it
>  hollered, but obviously it thought she did do soemthing as it moved its
>  arms around and started to rotate its body by pulling in a circle on the
>  floor. The two Mugens looked up at her as if she had not already been in
>  the room for a good five minutes.

electricty -- electricity
shout "GO -- shout, "GO
soemthing -- something

>    Eventually she made it to the other side of the lobby without
>  crossing within range of it, she could see the entrance of the hallway
>  where Venus and Moon and maybe the others were, and all of the monster's
>  generator coils were pointed at her. But she hesitated. She couldn't
>  help it. This monster put her through hell and she needed a little
>  personal satisfaction. So she waited until the monster shouted "WHY ARE
>  YOU DOING THIS?"

shouted "WHY -- shouted, "WHY

>    Just so she could shout back "Because you never shut up, that's why!
>  VENUS! MOON! HIT IT NOW!"

back "Because -- back, "Because

>    "Bill, you said this was a mixtape, are there any songs on this that
>  aren't 'Free Bird'?" Donna slapped the "off" button on the car stereo in
>  disgust rather than switching to the radio. She mashed the 'eject'
>  button on the tape deck with her thumb, meaning to throw the tape out
>  the window, but apparently Bill became a damn mongoose when his Skynyrd
>  tapes were in danger and he snatched it away from her in the blink of an
>  eye.

mixtape -- mix-tape -or- mix tape

>    The monster whirled in place to face him and pointed with her left
>  hand. It shouted something in Japanese -- Hotaru was the only one to
>  recognize it as "WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE? WHY AREN'T YOU GOING AWAY?" It
>  started to run at him, the ground shaking with her every step. Oddly
>  neither of her "attendants" seemed to notice, and they were just
>  concerned with straightening the human piles that kept falling apart
>  with her ground-shaking steps.

as "WHAT -- as, "WHAT

>    Bill jumped on the back bumper of the van and shouted "PUNCH IT!",
>  the tires squealed, and a massive metal piledriver passed through the
>  space where his head was about half a second before. He held on to the
>  rear-doorhandle for balance, fearing if he opened it he'd fall off the
>  narrow rear bumper.

shouted "PUNCH --  shouted, "PUNCH
rear-doorhandle -- rear door handle

>    The monster turned and chased after the car, yelling "I DON'T HAVE
>  TIME FOR THIS! YOU ARE WASTING MY TIME!" but making no attempt to break
>  off pursuit. Her legs were long, but heavy, and with the lack of traffic
>  Donna quickly got a five-block gap between them. That's the point when
>  she pulled an abrupt 180 and sent Bill rolling off his perch and into
>  the curb. At the same time, the passenger-side door opened and out
>  hopped Hotaru, holding a Japanese road atlas in one hand and her
>  transformation pen in the other. Almost before her feet touched the road
>  the van took off with a squeal of rubber and drove straight at the
>  monster.

yelling "I DON' -- yelling, "I DON'

>    "STOP IT! STOP IT! YOU'RE NOT DOING ANYTHING! GO AWAY!" shouted the
>  monster as it rose from the tangled heap of machinery, and it was clear
>  that Donna had done something. Her left arm was chopped off above the
>  elbow and the stump oozed a thick purplish glop. Several pieces of the
>  car's frame were piercing through her torso, her right eye has been
>  gouged out along with a good chunk of her head. Still she ran at them
>  once more, howling "SHUT UP! IT DOESN'T WORK! SHUT UP!"

has been -- had been
howling "SHUT -- howling, "SHUT

>    Bill looked at her with complete confusion. Donna looked at her with
>  a face that was too contorted by running for her life and yelling "SHIT!
>  SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT!" to adequately express complete confusion. The
>  daimon was still shouting and chasing Donna but didn't look at her at
>  all. For a horrid moment Hotaru felt as if she was in a play and she had
>  forgotten her lines. Then after a second she yelled,

yelling "SHIT! -- yelling, "SHIT!

>    "The herald of catastrophe, I am Sailor Saturn!"

Very nice.

>  PSYCHOLOGY: Donna Truitt is massively insecure. Far moreso than the
>  other three insecure members of I&R Team Rho. She has built an ideal of
>  herself as a limitlessly-cool, vastly-skilled, utterly ice-hearted
>  professional and hates every part of herself that doesn't live up to
>  this. She hated herself for her inability to kill people for the CIA,
>  and for her inability to steal from orphans, and constantly is driven to
>  prove herself as living up to this imaginary and sociopathic ideal --
>  but finds herself incapable. Reacts with great hostility to any
>  percieved attempt to mock her for her shortcomings as well as any
>  attempt by others to act as if they are superior to her.

percieved -- perceived

>  Code of Honor [+3]: Donna talks a big game and plays herself off as cool
>  and callous, but deep down she cares too much. Donna will not knowingly
>  perform an act to harm someone, directly or indirectly, who she does not
>  believe had hurt or is trying to hurt her. And if she inadvertantly or
>  throuh inaction causes harm to come to those she percieves as 'innocent'
>  she must work to make it right again, even and especially when such
>  behavior is a huge pain in the ass for her and her teammates. Note this
>  generally applies to people she doesn't know, which is why if one of her
>  teammates were to point out or mention this code of honor, she would hit
>  them.

inadvertantly -- inadvertently
throuh -- through
percieves -- perceives

>  Clueless      [+4]: Donna is nowhere near as good at the art ofseduction
>  as she thinks she is. She keeps trying it, though, playing into her own
>  fantasies of being the femme fatale, the erotic assassin. Nobody else on
>  the team will tell her why she keeps failing because that's the ticket
>  to a half-hour berating session. Donna has a +2 step penalty on all
>  Interaction -- Seduce skill checks.

ofseduction -- of seduction

>  Coffee Mug 14/7/3 +1 Personal d6+2s/d6+3s/d4+1w LI+En/O

...

I guess it had to be done, though. o_o

Nice work, hope to get around to the next chapter shortly.

-- 
Brian Randall
--
I write fanfiction. Too much of it. You can read it here, thanks to a
kind grant from the Larry F foundation:
http://www.florestica.com/brandall/
--
Together. Allegiance or death. BIGFIRE!
--
Haiku of my lament:

Forgive my spelling,
my U.S. education,
is the source of blame.