[FFML] [fanfic][Sailormoon] Moonshadow, chapter 13 (first draft)
The Eternal Lost Lurker
lurkerdrome at sbcglobal.net
Mon Dec 8 15:15:05 PST 2008
>> "Really. That spiritual garbage is the best you can come up with? How
>> utterly foolish!"
> Hm. I don't recall Rei's miko powers being this useless in canon.
We left canon behind a LONG-ass time ago :P
>> "Yes, Venus, nice to meet you, save it for later, we've got to help Mars!
> Heh. You could just about leave out the commas in that sentence...
Well, the one after 'Yes' is a comma splice, but the rest of them need to be
there or the sentence would read very strangely.
>> "Are you injured?" the new panther rumbled.
> Ah. So, real-Luna shows up to deck Art's fake-Luna-- no? Oh....
This fight was fun to write because it's basically a great big snowballing
>> "WHO DARES..." The first panther had risen to its feet, back arched
>> "I WILL KILL--" The demon's enraged snarl cut off abruptly, replaced with
>> confusion. "--broodsister?"
Luna IS a youma, remember? You didn't think there wouldn't be more than one
demon panther running around, did you?
>> "BEGONE, WRETCH!" Yet another demon panther appeared from the shadows,
>> tackling the second panther around the neck with massive forepaws. The
>> beasts rolled away and down the temple steps, yowling and hissing.
> I think I need a scorecard.
That's about how *I* felt WRITING this. By the time this fight ends, there's
three Senshi, four panther youma, a High Lunar Mage, and a Shitennou
>> "--or we're gonna skin us a couple of cats!"
> They're *tag-teaming* the Senshi Speech! Oh, my HEAD....
Usagi and Mina get a little...silly in tandem.
>> "A little light for my tastes," the panther said with a purring chuckle.
> What, no "tastes like green cheese" joke?
That'd be stretching it. :P
>> "Then here, try the next course! LOVE MACHINE!" The second Senshi
Venus' attacks are going to be a running joke. She's the only native English
speaker among the Senshi, so naturally she's the only one whose attacks get
Engrished to hell and gone.
>> One of the panthers had reappeared, covered in bleeding gashes and
>> badly on one leg. "Or did you forget why you came--BEHIND YOU!"
> Luna's looking worse for wear.
Getting rolled down the shrine steps by a broodsister at full strength will
>> Hino Rei's world became an inferno.
> "Gimme fuel, gimme fire, gimme that which I desire--"
Hmm...that's probably gonna be on Guitar Hero: Metallica, come to think of
(Personally, I hope 'I Disappear' is on the set list. It's my favorite
Metallica song, and pretty much the only thing I'll buy the game for.)
>> Serenity and Venus gingerly rose to their feet, watching the youma
>> yet not taking their eyes off the blazing fire which had erupted just
> Metres: Brit spelling?
I've been using British spelling conventions for Moonshadow, and American
spelling conventions for Fire in the Water.
I like to confuse people.
>> As she looked up, her violet eyes locking gazes with the Senshi and the
>> youma, two great, black-feathered wings burst forth from her back,
> O_O that's new. Something do do with Deimos and Phobos, I bet.
>> "Upon my right, I bear Fear. Thou who strivest to cause Fear in others, I
>> now control thine own. Upon my left, I bear Dread. Thou who bearest with
>> thee the Dread of death and suffering, I now control thine own. Look upon
>> now, and Fear me. Look upon me now, and Dread me. I am Mars..."
> Wasn't it Fear and Terror? Although I suppose there's more than one
> way to translate the names of the Hounds of Mars.
Pretty sure it's Dread, especially since I triple-checked it. :)
(They're somewhat interchangeable, in any case; refer to Batman Begins for a
>> "...and I am come to destroy thee."
> At this point, smart youma RUN!
>> Luna coughed pointedly. "Girls? Not out of danger yet."
> I do love how Luna keeps pulling these "Ahem, *reality* calling" moments.
I know, right? :)
>> "Nice wings," Venus commented. "Hey, how come she gets wings? I didn't
> That is just SO Mina...
>> I bear as my cross the souls of the angels, the angels who gave of their
>> life that I might live."
> ...oooookay, *that's* not healthy.
Mars...is a little weird. She's a Bible-otaku, who just transformed into
what is, for all intents and purposes, an avenging angel straight out of the
Old Testament. So she's going to speak in what I like to call "Biblefish".
>> "Well, this is quite a party."
> For some reason, I keep hearing that line delivered the way Jeremy
> Irons did his "My, *somebody* had *fun*" at the scene of the Big Wall
> Street Explosion in "Die Hard With a Vengeance."
>> A blonde man in a grey uniform appeared behind the panthers. "Beruche,
>> Karaberas, Petz...withdraw. This night shall not be ours."
> First, it's "blond" (no e) when referring to guys, IIRC.
I really do need to check that--I've been doing it the other way around, and
I *think* I'm right, but...I really do need to verify that.
> Secondly... BWA!?!? Team Nemesis? Wow, you're squashing *all* the
> seasons together. Next we'll find out that Beryl is actually Galaxia or
Actually, no. Moonshadow is only going to deal with two story arcs: Dark
Kingdom and Deathbusters. The use of the Ayakashi Sisters' names for the
shadowbrood is more or less an Easter egg, since I have absolutely no
intention to use any characters or plot elements from Sailormoon
>> "An explanation would be welcome," she said primly.
> From psycho to prim in zero seconds flat. *Why* do I think this is
> *not* a good sign?
Eh, Rei's just one of those people who gets really intense when the
situation calls for it, but the rest of the time is fairly calm and
even-tempered. Kind of a Sakaki-type.
>> "I warned you it might get messy," Artemis offered lightly.
> I can't tell is Artemis is doing a Xanatos Roulette, or if he's just
> *faking* being in control of everything that's going on.
That's half the fun, though, isn't it? ;)
Thanks for the C&C!
The Eternal Lost Lurker
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