Sat Aug 16 11:47:13 PDT 2008
the looks being exchanged between the two women, but he could feel the dangerous sparks
"Ho ho ho ho, it seems this little impasse must be rectified."
The cheerful laughter in her voice was not present in Tsuruko's suddenly glowing eyes.
Mana's own piercing amber pupils started to gleam like hard cut gems.
It was a delicate moment where even the least provocation could ignite the entire conflagration.
"I FIGHT ON!!"
Kuno's timing couldn't possibly have been any worse.
"AUUGHH!! MY EYES!! THEY BURN!!!"
Ranma mentally nodded in confirmation. Pacification bullets with twelve alarm chili pepper base.
Tatewaki's cry of pain trailed off as he vanished into the distant blue sky.
There was a hushed pause.
And then all Hell broke loose.
-End Chapter 2
Author's notes: Lots of thanks to Dracos for pointing out areas for improvement. Also thank you to all
of the people on Hawk's forum who have made the process as much fun as the final product.
-Fear the Women Omake
"But what about that poor woman's husband? How could you force her to cheat on him like that?"
Ranma blinked, nonplussed by this bizzare conclusion that Sayuri had somehow reached.
Had all of Akane's friends been this retarded and he'd just never noticed it before?
With an effort he swallowed the first dozen or so choice retorts that immediately sprang
to mind which would have curled the hairs on her empty little head.
"Actually, Mother is a widow."
Tsuruko finally broke in with a polite cough.
"Oh, we're sorry."
Yuka and Sayuri stared down at the ground as they quickly apologized, cheeks pink with shame.
It has occurred to me, Dearest, that perhaps I was a touch...hasty at that time."
The elegant swordswoman slowly laced her fingers together with a slightly nervous
air as she picked her next words carefully. Ranma's breath caught as a faint light
of hope rekindled in his breast. That didn't sound like the beginning of an execution
speech to him.
"Having had some time to reflect on the matter, I have come to the conclusion
that you were not to blame for that unfortunate incident."
You could have knocked the young martial artist over with a feather at that moment.
Genma had been right? His father's advice had turned out to be good for something
after all?! Had Hell finally frozen over?!
This had never happened to him before and Ranma wasn't quite sure what to do.
"I should have warned you earlier about that unfortunate part of the Aoyama Clan's history.
I'm sure it must have been quite a shock."
Tsuruko blushed slightly.
Ranma swallowed audibly. He remembered *that* all too well. That had been
the *other* reason why he'd been so quick to flee from the Aoyama family compound.
Nabiki eyed the pigtailed boy skeptically.
"The guys they marry tend not to live very long after the wedding. Oldest one
I managed to find in the records only made it to twenty nine before he kicked
"And just how far back do these records go?"
"Back to the early fourteen hundreds I'd guess. At least that's all I managed to look at."
Ranma shrugged as the girls stared at him with widened eyes.
"Wait, so you're saying that all of their husbands died before reaching
the age of thirty for the last six hundred YEARS?!"
"I'm afraid so," Tsuruko said as she gently petted Shipuu's crest.
"What, their wives kill them all for cheating on them or something, " Akane snorted rudely
as she limped over to the group. She was already developing a strong dislike for this
teeth-gnashingly beautif-slutty 'wife' that had obviously been brainwashed by her pervert
of a fiance.
"Of course not, don't be silly," Ranma replied in a contemptuous tone of voice usually
reserved for that special breed of idiot that likes to ask stupid questions they should
already know the answers to.
"Then what has been the traditional cause of death for men marrying into the Aoyama family,"
Nabiki, Yuka, Sayuri, Akane, the other girls and what few boys had managed to stay conscious
all asked simultaneously.
The young married couple replied in eerie unison.
"Um, you're not still mad about *that*, are you?"
The young woman whipped out one of the dual matching Desert Eagles
in her thigh holsters with her right hand and took aim.
"Not anymore," Mana said simply.
Then she shot him in the head.
Blood and brains erupted everywhere.
Mana blinked, then took a second look at her gun.
"Oops. Used the real one by mistake."
"Guess there's no helping it then."
She shot a hard glare at the whitefaced boys and girls staring at her.
"If any of you laugh at what I do next, you die."
Holstering her weapon, the tanned young woman knelt down to open the
black guitar case she had by her feet. Flipping it open she pulled
out a gigantic nightmarish spiked club with the name 'Excalipur'
emblazoned in flaming red letters on the side. She gestured at
the still bleeding corpse now flopping around on the ground
like a fish out of water.
"Pipiru piru piru pipiru pi!"
Bits of bloody brain and skull started flying back to their original
resting place until Ranma's head finally reformed back to what it
was before his gruesome death. He blinked.
"Killed me again?"
Mana's apology was interrupted by a rude snicker. Whirling around she
saw Nabiki and Akane holding their hands over their mouths in a vain
attempt to muffle their laughter.
"Mmphh-ahahaha, did you hear that?!"
Mana's cheeks reddened.
"Pipiru piru, she sounds like a little girl playing magical princess! Bwhahahaha-"
AKane's head exploded.
Nabiki's head followed suit.
And so the Great Furinkan High School Bloodbath began.
-Hey, It Could Have Been Worse Omake
"He owes me a wedding night *and* a honeymoon. With *Penalties*," said Mana
as she emphasized 'Penalties' with a solid grinding from her foot that
threatened to leave Ranma's pants with a big sticky wet spot on the front.
"That is indeed unfortunate...but perhaps we could reach an acceptable compromise?"
Ranma didn't like the sound of that. Esepcially once he noticed that Mana looked interested.
"Our husband has more then one method available for satisfying a woman. And I am not adverse
to having him work off his punishment...orally."
Tsuruko smiled like a cat in the cream.
Mana's features slowly shifted until her own evil grin matched the one
Ranma whimpered helplessly as each woman took hold
of one arm and dragged him off to his doom.
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