[FFML] [Naruto] Memories Lie 9-11

skychan skywize at gmail.com
Thu Aug 14 15:13:37 PDT 2008


Oh very good.  And finally we get to find out more about the cave and the
bears.  I admit to being a little bit disapointed by them.  I guess the
situation just didnt feel appropriate in the world as I've envisioned it.
That said I do think that once in the bowels of the cave it was handled
quite well and the transition into a more lovecraftian universe went over
well.  Jarring with your odd bouts of humor back and forth but I'm finding
myself enjoying the shifts in style.

I think that you may want to consider how you portray the fight with Lee.
It is almost to the point where the lesson they are teaching is being lost
because he is too good.  Its understandible if you were to put in that they
are intentionally not killing him, but without that handicap it makes it
appear as if the three together cant even stand up to him.  Something that
if true says something very sad for your heroic? trio or frightening about
lee.  The fact that its left unspoken may be in keeping with much of your
style for the story but leave readers confused.
-------------- next part --------------
An HTML attachment was scrubbed...
URL: http://www.chez-vrolet.net/pipermail/ffml/attachments/20080814/5845e249/attachment.htm 


More information about the ffml mailing list