[FFML] [C&C] Re: [Fanfic][Naruto] Suiren, Chapter 13: Wolves...

Eimii eimii.sensei at gmail.com
Tue Aug 5 22:38:10 PDT 2008


> Kurenai's "death" might be a good place.  She's a jounin; even as just a
> kage bunshin with her guard down, it's a bit... iffy, that Lord Haruno's
> men are able to get the drop on her so easily.  It'd be really easy to
> justify her being aware of the attack.  Maybe have her _let_ them
> decapitate her, because there's no reason to "upset Lord Haruno's power
> games" until there's some advantage to be gained from it?
>
> Or even just adding to her musing at the end of the chapter that Lord
> Haruno was lucky that the Third Hokage was easy going and hadn't
> considered him a serious threat, but that he might not be so lucky with
> whoever became the Fifth, could work.

One thing i forgot to mention earlier is that something somewhat
related to this got cut from an earlier revision of the scene. In the
current version, Kurenai observes that he's dressed himself up like a
third-rate yakuza thug. Kurenai realizes that this affecation is
probably supposed to be a some sort of sarcastic joke, because the
lord knows all too well what Konoha really thinks of him; he's a
barking dog to them, and nothing more. An earlier revision of the
scene made this understanding clearer, but the wording was somewhat
ungainly, and distracted from the immediacy of the scene, so i cut
it...


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