[FFML] [C&C] Re: [fanfic][Sailormoon] Moonshadow, chapter six (draft)
The Eternal Lost Lurker
lurkerdrome at sbcglobal.net
Sun Sep 9 10:40:41 PDT 2007
> And chapter six.
SIX! SIX chapters of Moonshadow! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
> > Her instincts were to descend into the living mass below and rend, tear,
> > rip, kill, devour--to take the souls of these prey creatures for her
> > become stronger, to...
> And yet, oddly, she's more sympathetic than Timothy so far.
> > "Kino-san," the officious little man was saying, peering at her through
> > tiny, oval-framed spectacles, "you must understand that we care very
> > about the reputation of this school. The actions of our students reflect
> > the entire school--for good, or for ill."
> Well, that explains last chapter's cliffhanger.
Curious as to your opinion of Makoto's exposition/character backstory
> > Many murmurs stirred as the teacher for the next lesson entered,
> > by a strikingly handsome youth. Mina immediately sat up straight and
> > her full attention on the front of the room. *I think I'm in love,* she
> > mused, before reminding herself she already had a boyfriend.
> Oh, since when has _that_ stopped Minako?
Since now? :P
> > //Motoki speaking.//
> ...I just can't see it. I mean, I suppose it makes sense, but... ;)
I admit I pulled that out of my ass as I was writing the scene, for the
sheer WTF factor.
> > Ami and Usagi transformed in mid-fall, completing the transformation
> > time to catch themselves, cracking the pavement beneath their boots.
> ...now I'm imaging the transformation sequence.
> > "That," Luna said, glancing sharply upwards, "is the Papyrus Witch,
> > She's fairly dangerous. She can control all forms of paper, making
> > clothing, traps, and even explosives out of it."
> Hmm. So there's a fairly limited number of youma in this universe, I
> suppose, if Luna can recognize a random one on sight.
Not so much that, as Amami is a well-known youma. Plus...
OK, slight advance revelation here: Luna is a Nightbeast. There are hundreds
of them in the Dark Kingdom, they're a mid-level type of youma, and they're
used as hunter/trackers. Think ANBU, only not quite strong enough to take
down S-class "criminals" on their own. More like C-rank. And Amami is
Yes, it makes Luna even MORE of an exposition mouthpiece, but it works.
> > "Ryoukai," the blue-haired girl called back. She made a wave of her
> > and a deep, chilly mist blanketed the area. The monster screeched in
Japanese equivalent of "Roger that". You need to watch more military anime
(Actually, not even military anime...it pops up in shows like Azumanga as
> > "Jupiter Power, MAKE-UP!"
> And another Senshi down. Or up. Or whatever.
> Anyway, it's another good chapter, looking forward to the next, etc.,
> etc. Keep up the good work!
Thanks for reading, as always :)
This is a test of the Emergency Ass Dance System.
The Eternal Lost Lurker
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