[FFML] [Fanfic][Naruto] Suiren, Chapter 14: Blood...
wlit0613 at postoffice.uri.edu
Sun Sep 2 10:17:32 PDT 2007
> Unfortunately, Sakura's mouth was much faster on the uptake. "Holy
> shit, is that real?" the pink-haired girl blurted, gaping at the
> stylized manji branded on Hinata's forehead.
See, this, THIS is why you should have kept the @#$%!. Fuck basically
workes later on, but the first half of the scene entirely looses it's
impact with a curse as mild as shit.
> Still looking rather pole-axed, Hinata twitched again and stared at
> Sakura for a long moment. "Holy shit," she finally mouthed in an
> almost reverent whisper.
> Sakura could feel the steam coming out of her ears as a terminal blush
> spread from her hairline right down to her shoulders. "Hinata!" she
It's all out of proportion. They're twelve year old girls. Childish
curse words have been part of their conversations for years now, no
matter how sheltered they are.
I'd suggest replacing shit with fuck, but then you'd have to go to
something to replace fuck that probably isn't wanted on the list and
certainly couldn't be put on FF.net.
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