[FFML] [Ranma/various] Avenging: Act 3 Chapter 7

[Nugar]

$Took my time C&Cing this, but, well, sorry, DB.  I think I've lost my
touch.  I haven't exactly felt funny this past year, you know, and I'm
sort of out of practice, and I never did find it easy to comment on
this series, since I don't know Marvel and for whatever reason just
don't see many opportunities to be snarky.  But really, I have no
excuse.  Sorry.

Here's what passes for my comments anyway.


>
> The Hulk was torn. On one side, he wanted to near Thor. On the other, he

$ to be near

> knew he couldn't leap as fast as she could fly. Reluctantly he got on
> the quinjet and buckled himself into his seat. After all, it was
> dangerous to travel without a seatbelt.
>
> Just as she brought her repulsors up in an effort to blast the missile
> from the sky, something small impacted with the back of her head.
> Instantly her armor seized up, everything shutting down. Her eyes
> widened behind the slits of her faceplate as she plunged headfirst to
> the ground. She tried shifting in some way to keep from plunging like a
> rock, tried rebooting her system, but nothing worked. The only thing
> still running was her pacemaker, which was on its own system

$need a period at the end there.

> The 'Goo' was working on the Hulk. Bullseye had been confident on that
> one as well, having been given a chance to see it in action. Expanding
> on contact with air, the substance formed a bond with whatever it was
> splashed on that would make super glue look like cheap masking tape. At
> least in the first second. After that, whatever wasn't in physical
> contact with a solid surface would then turn slick so one could get a

$so no one

> good hold on it, and it was so rubbery it would stretch and contort even
> if one could. An ideal weapon against a one trick brute force pony like
> the Hulk, though Bullseye had plenty of somna gas capsules that would
> have done the trick as well.
>
> The missile had brought down the quinjet, though it had taken
> disturbingly long for it to lock on to the vehicle despite her
> employer's contention that the tracking system was one of the best in
> the world. It was only because her employer was providing Bullseye with
> all of the (largely experimental) weapons that she was able to take out
> the more powerful super-heroes. Now all that was left was to blow away
> the remaining, far more vulnerable ones. And if she wanted to do it, she
> had to move fast, since Nitro would be on her way to the downed quinjet
> to get her share of the kills. They had a bet going with who could kill
> the most Avengers. The loser was to pay dinner for the winner for the
> duration of their stay in Japan, and Bullseye thought she might kill a
> few more superheroes just to see if she could find a good one.

$find a good one what?  I think that needs rewriting and clarifying if
you mean a restaurant.

>
> Just poke your heads out, Bullseye thought to herself. She had nearly
> nailed the shield toting hero, but someone had pulled him out of the way
> just as she triggered her shot. She wanted a clean kill, wanted to see a
> head explode like a piñata full of blood, bone and brains. There had
> been a moment right after the shot when she thought she saw a strange
> shadow moving near the edge of the wreck, but it seemed impossible it
> was anything human. Most likely an illusion produced by the flames and
> smoke. A lot of smoke was starting to fill the area, thanks to the
> Nitro's gas explosion.

$thanks to Nitro's

>
> Then Bullseye saw it: a slender cable snake its way out the hole and

$snaked

> around a telephone pole. The movement was quick and the cable nearly
> invisible. One person out of a thousand wouldn't have seen the motion.

$Suggest:  Only one person in a thousand could have seen the motion.

>
> Bullseye was one out of a million. Maybe ten million.

$And I'd make that number higher, too.

>
> The red blur came streaking out of the hole, swinging on the line.
> Child's play. She was able to gauge his speed and distance in less than
> the blink of an eye. She held her breath and triggered the shot that
> would send a round of fifty caliber death through the air and burst her
> piñata.

$the possessive 'her' seems odd here.

>
> The bullet struck the figure's head cleanly, making it explode in a
> shower of streamers and party favors.

$Candy would have been more appropo, though sillier.

>
> Bullseye hesitated a full second before realizing she had been had. She
> tracked her rifle back to the hole, but there was nothing there. Her
> peripheral vision caught a red blur duck into the nearest building.
>
>
> It was a testament to Tigra's reflexes and agility that she evaded all
> but one of the bullets. The one that struck hit her in the side, the
> kinetic energy spinning her around and throwing her backward into a

$The one that struck her in the side had enough kinetic energy to spin
her around and throw

> window that broke with the impact. She went tumbling out.
>
> As Bullseye had hoped, Tigra did have an enhanced sense of smell. One
> wiff of SF's stink bomb would make a normal person vomit, which was why
> Bullseye had nose filters in place since the beginning. For Tigra it
> must have been like jamming a week old decomposing corpse up her nose.
>
> Before Bullseye could walk to the window to confirm the kill, she again
> became aware of movement out of the corner of her eye. She brought her
> empty gun up, deflecting the thrown billy club aimed at her head.
>
> Daredevil was coming at her from above. A dead man's move. She sprang
> back and pulled out another pistol, firing a round for center mass. Just
> as quick Daredevil brought an archaic shield out. Or at least archaic in
> appearance, since the bullet deflected. He must have been taking Captain
> Japan lessons.
>
> Daredevil landed right in front of her and came up swinging. Bullseye's
> own reflexes were bordering on superhuman, which was how she rolled with

$bordered on superhuman

> the punch which only clipped her in the jaw instead of concussing her.

$punch fast enough that it only

> She lashed out with a foot, catching him in the gut, as well as making
> him drop the shield. Off balance, she fired blindly in the hero's
> direction, driving him back.
>
> Bullseye threw another capsule, this one a basic smoke bomb to blind her
> foe while she changed position, firing in the direction she had seen
> Daredevil in.
>
> No cries of agony came from the smoke. Instead a chain came out, snaring
> her leg. A quick jerk put Bullseye on her back, hard. She was gasping
> for air as she fired a round at the chain, breaking it, then fired in
> the direction the chain had been in when it had been pulled tight,
> emptying her gun as she rose up and kicked the slack chain around her
> ankle away, staying in motion the whole time. Another capsule was drawn
> from the mini-bandolier around her waist and in her free hand.
>
> A net woven of steel cable came at Bullseye, and she barely dodged it.
> Daredevil came emerging from the cloud in nearly the opposite direction.
>
> Bullseye threw down the flash bomb. The special wraparound sunglasses
> her employer had given her tinted instantly, preventing her from being
> blinded. Now Daredevil was dead. It was too bad, as he had excited her
> more than anyone since the Underworld hit. Killing competent,
> professional, and old school hit men was always a turn on. But to all

$Suggest: competents, professionals, and old

> good things and whatnot.
>
> The remaining smoke panicked and began to race around the Hulk, some of
> it began to leak out of his nostrils.
>
> "Pinch your nose shut!" Hawkeye shouted as she raced to him.
>
> The Hulk did so, looking a bit woozy as he held his stomach.
>
> Hawkeye got another one of her arrows out and twisted the head on it. A
> small bag inflated. She pushed the gas in it out, deflating it, then
> brought the end of it up to the Hulk's mouth. "Exhale gently into the
> bag. Make sure you don't blow hard enough to rip the bag."
>
> The Hulk did so. The instant he was done, Hawkeye tied the bag in a knot.
>
> "Hulk will never smoke again," he swore.

$Bah, smoking is good for you.  Unless if, you know, you're on fire or
something.  Just look at Revy.  Chain smokes all day and still can't
be killed.

>
> The smoke that was Nitro swirled around the outside of the bag, and
> Hawkeye could feel the parts of her in the bag swirling around to get
> out, but her disembodied form couldn't create anywhere near enough force
> to tear open the bag. Hawkeye smiled. It was a good thing she had those
> helium filled balloon arrows. She had never been sure what she might use
> them for, but the ability to leave something floating in air had always
> been an idea that appealed to her.
>
> Xxxxxxxxxxx
> He straddled her, pinning her down with his body and he could
> practically feel the sexual arousal cut through the confusion of flame
> and smoke, which were threatening to overwhelm his senses.

$That needs clarifying.

 One more good
> shot would end the fight. He drew his fist back, intent on punching her
> lights out.
>
> Lightning fast Bullseye's arm came up in a wide arc, a hold out

$fast, Bullsyeye's

> derringer slipping from up her sleeve in the same manner Daredevil's
> weapons did. It was pointed directly at his left eye.
>
> He moved his head even as the barrel came up. The bullet whizzed past,
> but almost as equally damaging was the sound of the gun going off next
> to his ears. The loud crack by the small firearm overloaded his
> heightened sense of hearing as though someone had jammed a needle right
> into his ear drum. He cried out at the top of his lungs at the pain, and
> didn't hear a sound.
>
> Instinctively he brought his fist down in Bullseye's face, cracking a
> cheekbone.
>
> "Oh my god!" Bullseye's cried out in delirious joy as her other arm came
> up. She flicked her wrist in the middle of the motion, producing a small
> bladed knife, which promptly buried itself deep into Daredevil's shoulder.
>
> The pain was too much. Everything was coming at him from all sides, all
> sense of reality was eradicated in a miasma of pain, blood, and
> overloaded senses as a hundred different agonies became the center of
> his existence. The reptile portion of his mind lashed out, as his
> remaining working arm came down, smashing into Bullseye's face, cracking
> her jaw. A second blow shattered in orbital bone.

$shattered an orbital ridge.

 He lashed out with a
> third, leaving his fist bloody. And then a fourth. And then Bullseye's
> body convulsed so violently even Daredevil was almost thrown off.
>
> "Yessss!" Bullseye gurgled more than groaned in pleasure. The totally
> inappropriate reaction cut through the haze, making even the darkest
> portions of his mind cease in stunned realization of what had just
> happened to the girl beneath him.

$"Oh, I give all the girls multiple orgasms," he assured her.  "Want
another?"  And he punched her in the nose again.

 Even he was shocked that what was a
> life and death struggle to him was some sort of perverse mating ritual
> to the girl he straddled.
>
>
> While a portion of his mind insisted she should die, a victim of her own
> violence, it felt too much like he was failing her in some way. He swore
> never to fail anyone, not after Shampoo. He didn't know why he would
> connect the two, since they had nothing in common, but it was there.

$Vaginas, carrying out contracts to kill people, no, nothing in common at ALL.

>
> With his free hand he lashed out with a cable from a billy club. The
> cable looped around Bullseye's arm, arresting her fall by tearing the
> arm out of the socket.
>
> Bullseye didn't cry out at the pain, as she dangled less than two feet
> over an exposed metal shaft which would have impaled her. Instead she
> stared at her savior, with a gaze of love that only the insane can achieve.

$savior with  (no comma)

>
> And then she passed out.
>
> Daredevil cried out at the top of his lungs as his own wounded shoulder
> was nearly ripped out of its socket. But somehow he held on, stopping
> her, leaving her dangling from his hand.
>
> And then his injured shoulder gave way, his hand slipped, and he fell.
>
> There was a sensation of floating, and of the pure stupidity of what he
> had just failed to accomplish in rescuing someone who didn't deserve to
> be rescued, and killing himself in the process.
>
> And then his flight stopped abruptly as something snared his wrist,
> making him wish he was dead as his body was jerked with a force no human
> should have to endure, from wounds no one should have to survive.
>
> He saw the feline face of Tigra looking down at him. "Tigra arrive just
> in time," she said delightedly.
>
> "No," Daredevil said weakly. "'Just in time' would be before I was shot,
> stabbed, and mutilated. This is 'almost too late'."

$Bitch bitch bitch.

And then he passed
> out, though somehow, his deathgrip on his billy club held true, even
> after Tigra pulled both he and his unconscious foe up.
>
> "A hospital would ask too many questions." The way Daredevil said it
> effectively ended the conversation. His senses reached out to the others
> surrounding him. Obviously they had been concerned, but he could feel
> them relax a bit. Their care made him feel, awkward.

$feel, well, awkward.

>
> Thor said, "It is most unfortunate I caught the full brunt of the blast,
> which did hurl me far away, as well as knock me senseless for the
> majority of the fight, else you would not have been wounded so grievously."
> Daredevil shuddered, mostly because it wasn't just talk on the
> madwoman's part. Even through her drug-induced haze he could feel her
> desire reaching out for him.
>
> As the ambulance doors closed, Captain Japan said, "Well,
> congratulations on having someone in your rogue's gallery that isn't a
> complete putz. The bad news is, she's a complete psychopath and is in
> love with you."

$Heh.  Poor guy finally got his wish, and it sucks.

$Enjoyable as always, sorry I got nothing for comments.  :(

-Nugar