[FFML] [AYA] Wild, WIld East - Chapter 8 - Tokyo Cowgirl

[GL Sandborn]

DB Sommer wrote:

>% And here we go again:
>  
>
Yeah, a twofer!  :-)

>
>     Trapped in the basement of a burning and exploding building,
>Tina clung to her companion.
>
>% A bottle of Jack Daniels.
>  
>
Silly, do you know what a bottle of Jack Daniels costs in Japan?

>     Instead of allowing herself to be pushed into the open end
>of the duct, she
>
>% I'd make this'Tina' rather than 'she'in this instance
>  
>
I'm afraid this was caused by my breaking the story into two chapters 
after writing.  Stuff that sounded right before loses something when it 
leads a new chapter.

>
>     "What's the problem?" Steven yelled.
>     "It's dark in there!"
>
>% Ah, Mendou syndrome. IS her family crest an octopus I wonder.
>
>     "So?"
>     Tina swallowed.  She could feel her palms sweating as the
>duct opening looked like a giant mouth ready to swallow her in
>its darkness.  "I'm... I'm afraid of the dark."
>     "Are you afraid of dying?"
>
>% Tina: I'm primarily afraid of dying in the dark
>  
>
I hear it's always dark when you die.  Just sayin'....

>     "What are you doing?" she yelled, her voice echoing
>strangely in the metal tube.
>
>% PLaying a game of duck duck goose, emphasis on 'goose'
>  
>
You know, for not having kissed the girl, Steven is getting a lot of 
hand action.

>     Another explosion caused the entire duct to shake.  Smoke
>began to billow up from below.  In a panic, she
>
>% again I'd replace 'she' with 'Tina'
>
>
>     Turning around in the duct, she peered back down the way she
>had come to give Steven a hand.
>     Instead of the American, she saw only darkness.
>
>% Oops.
>
>     Bouncing off the weaving sides, she slammed into a final
>obstruction, a square grating the blocked
>
>% grating that
>
>     Limping, she made it to the street, just
>
>% don't think you need the comma
>  
>
Probably not.  Sloppy editing, I'm afraid.

>     As she got close, her eye caught on something more
>promising.  At the far side of the crowd were a pair of white
>horses, all saddled and standing under a clump of trees.  Those
>police officers might be able to stop one little girl but there
>was no way they were going to stop a charging horse with a
>determined rider.
>
>% That's a bad idea, methinks.
>  
>
Typical Tina.

>     Spurring the horse again, it stumbled, hesitated before
>
>% hesitating
>
>     All the time she spent in California during high school,
>she'd taken riding lessons and was considered pretty good - even
>if she had to say so herself.  She loved cross country riding,
>with all the jumps and hills to navigate.  Back in the saddle
>again, it was just like old times - except for the crowd of
>people, the slippery concrete, and the approaching policemen.
>
>% Ah. then it was like LA
>  
>
During rush hour.

>     As she got close, on the other side of a rubble pile was Aoi
>Sakuraba, on the floor sitting up against a section of fallen
>ceiling with her legs trapped under some debris.  The whole mess
>appeared to be held in place by a large I-beam that jutted from
>the pile like a ship's cannon.
>
>% Of course, now she has a choice to make.
>
>
>     "At least, get her highness out,"
>
>% Ah, now royalty is thrown in the mix
>  
>
Yup, just keep throwing those curves.

>     Steven grunted as their bodies collided.  Wrapping her arms
>around him she buried her face in his chest.  "I knew I could
>find you," she said.  "I knew you were still alive."
>
>% Steven: The writer put too much work into me to let me die at this point.
>  
>
Probably right.

>\     "The damn thing rebooted!" Steven yelled.
>
>% Huh, you think it would have been destroyed by now considering how 
>much of the roof has made it to the basement.
>  
>
Well, it IS Korean made.  And they make.... uh, well, I guess you have a 
point.   :-D

>     The pain increased, now burning her arm pits and threatening
>the hair on her head and face.  It had to be effecting
>
>% affecting
>  
>
Caught me.  Overlooked that one.

>Steven as
>well.  How he was able to endure such torture was a mystery she
>had no time to consider.
>     Just as the pain became unbearable, they were at the edge of
>the hallway.  That was when the worst of it hit.
>     She barely heard Steven's body hit the floor and felt him
>pull her up into his arms.  On her back, with his arms around
>her, she felt the pain strike the junction between her legs.
>Inside that pain, she felt a strange pressure.  The pressure
>increased until the pain was replaced by a wave of sheer pleasure
>that wracked her body.  The pulsing waves of energy surging
>through the floor caused her to convulse as the strongest orgasm
>of her young life shook her.  Then a second - and a third
>contraction caused her to writhe in Steven's arms.  Flashes of
>light seemed to spark in front of her closed eyes.  Her whole
>body chilled suddenly before another orgasm struck with greater
>force than the ones before.
>     Somewhere around the fifth climax, her world went black.
>
>% My... it's even better than a nude bomb, it's an orgasm machine.
>
>% I didn't see that coming. Nice work, as always.
>  
>
Thank you, DB.  I always like to spin things in an unexpected way to end 
a chapter. 
On to Chapter 9.

- GL

>% DB Sommer
>
>
>
>
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