[FFML] [Ranma][Thy Outward Part] Serendipity

[Jorge Pratt Blanno]

> This is a rewrite of a story in my "Thy Outward Part" series.  A totally 
> new
> (and much longer) beginning and a different ending, but most of the middle
> is the same.

Whee! So you found a way after all :)

> As always, any comments, both positive and negative, are greatly
> appreciated.  I'll share my thoughts in the "Author's Notes" at the end.
>
> -Richard
>
>
> "I won't think about it and neither should you."
>       -Takahashi Rumiko

...well, we know how that worked out, don't we?

> Serendipity
>
> by Richard Lawson
>
> The bathroom door slid open.  "There you are.  Been wondering where you 
> were
> hiding yourself."
>
> Ranma looked up.  "I'm taking a bath."

That's never stopped anyone before. :P

> Ranma slowly nodded.  "Yeah, it might.  Even if it means I have to forgive
> you for taking all those pictures in the first place."
>
> Nabiki lifted a corner of her mouth.  "You loved it, don't try to tell me
> otherwise."
>
> "I did not!"  Ranma furrowed his brow.  "Where'd you get that idea?"
>
> "Ranma, you never jumped away whenever I started taking a picture.  You'd
> scowl or whatever, but you'd stand still most of the time.  You're more of
> an exhibitionist than you let on."

Heh! That's an interesting angle, though it's probably because Ranma doesn't 
see Nabiki as much of a personal threat (to intimacy or otherwise) despite 
the whole photo-selling business she had going on. On the other hand, Ranma 
isn't quite as agreeable when Oh snaps candid shots of her later on.

> Ranma walked down the hallway to the room she used while staying at the
> Tendo home.  She was planning on staying here tonight since Kentaro was in
> the midst of an eighteen-hour shift.  Ranma had no idea what purpose such 
> a
> long shift served, and even Kentaro had trouble explaining it other than 
> it
> was a time-honored tradition passed down for many years.

Eugh, my sympathies. I have family and friends who studied medicine, and 
their shifts as interns were murder on everyone. Pitiful pay, too.

> "All right, that should do it."  The woman behind the camera - a friendly
> older woman named Sayuri - straightened and smiled.

Reference to anime/fanon Sayuri?

> Ranma smiled in return.  "Thanks."  She stepped away from the plain white
> backdrop, thankful to be out from under the lights.  Despite what Nabiki 
> had
> said, Ranma had felt extremely self-conscious with the camera pointed at
> her.

Probably lingering anxiety from her college years? But because she _wants_ 
to be seen now, and it's her female form she's using to advertise her school 
(nevermind she instructs primarily as a woman,) her current goals are 
definitely at odds with her natural ideology, causing her discomfort.

> Having acquired what he needed, he turned the chair around - and 
> immediately
> began brushing something on her face.  Ranma kept her face from grimacing
> even as she came more and more to the realization that this man was an
> idiot.  Still, if the idiot was willing to pay her fifty thousand yen, who
> was she to complain?

I'm amazed she's letting him apply makeup on her at all. It's a routine 
action in professional modeling, but she since lacks that sort of 
experience, it's quite an intimate contact she's allowing him.

> Ranma had been appalled by everything that went along with having a 
> period.
> She'd had no idea how women put up with it.  The physical discomfort, the
> mess, the contraptions - it was too much to deal with.  But she had to 
> deal
> with it, and Akane had been remarkably patient with Ranma, teaching her 
> how
> her body worked.

I imagine the real meaning of menstruation was kept hidden from her, too, at 
least for a while.

> "Good.  We'll do wonderful things together!  What's your name?"
>
> She looked up at him.  "Tendo Ranma."
>
> "And I am Oh. "

Oh! Great?

Good job on Ranma and Kentaro's phone call, by the by. Very natural and 
familiar.

> Ranma got over it in the usual way, by working herself quite hard in the
> dojo.  After a couple of hours working out, she taught an intermediate 
> class
> of ten students, the majority of them former college classmates.  She'd
> developed quite a bond with them, and enjoyed teaching more of the art to
> them.  It was quite a challenge to try and translate some of the esoteric
> teaching methods her father had used with Ranma into something that would
> work in a dojo, but Ranma found these students will to try just about
> anything, however stupid it seemed.

Either "willing to try" or "would try," I think either works.

>  She was learning as much from them as
> they were from her, and she found it quite a rewarding experience.

> Unattractive, rough and rugged.  Ranma turned her head from side to side 
> as
> she kept looking in the mirror.  Certainly there was nothing soft about 
> her
> appearance at the moment.  Not that she could see in the mirror; perhaps 
> the
> lights in the photo studio captured something that couldn't be seen in a
> steamy bathroom.
>
> Thoughtfully, Ranma went back to the sit-down shower and twisted the hot
> water mostly off.  She'd done without hot baths for four years in college;
> she could survive a couple of weeks.  Testing the lukewarm water with her
> hand, Ranma proceeded to wash herself off, thinking about tomorrow's photo
> shoot.

Heh. Vanity!

(Bet she's getting flashbacks to Tsubasa's "Ugly!" taunts from years ago :P)

> They eventually did break off, though, and he stared into her eyes, simply
> relishing the sight of her.  Something seemed out of place, though, and he
> reached up a finger to touch the skin underneath her eyebrows.  "Are you
> wearing eyeshadow?"

(Amusingly, both the anime and Takahashi's color illustrations give her 
eyeshadow too.)

> "Never mind."  Kentaro shook his head with a grin.  "I just can't imagine
> it.  You, putting makeup on, prancing in front of a camera."
>
> Ranma glared at him.  "I don't prance!"

"I _strut_. There's a _difference_."

>
> Kentaro waited until Ranma shot through the door, the slammed it shut 
> behind
> her.  They scrambled down the stairs, stopping at the bottom floor. 
> Kentaro
> put his ear against the bottom door, holding it closed while Ranma put her
> shirt back on.

In the original version, I thought they'd done this during Kentaro's night 
shift. Maybe Ranma _is_ a borderline exhibitionist if they went at it in 
broad daylight, when people from nearby buildings could look down on the 
hospital rooftop ;p

> They turned to look at each other.  Ranma reached over to straighten the
> pants of his scrubs.  Kentaro tucked her hair behind her ears, then shook
> his head.  "I'm sorry."
>
> She quirked a smile.  "Sorry for what?"
>
> "I didn't know security patrolled the roof.  What did you do to him?"
>
> "Nothing too bad.  Just pulled his shirt over his head, dropped his pants,
> and tied his shoelaces together."
>
> "You did? In what... ten seconds?"

Considering who we're talking about, I'd drop that figure even further :) 
Should be around three, four seconds, tops.

> ---
>
> Ranma stood on the balls of her feet, studying her opponent.  He was 
> really
> just a beginner, and posed no serious threat to her.  Sometimes, though, 
> it
> was fun to let an opponent think they stood a chance.  There was no thrill
> in punching them once and ending the combat then and there.

Hm. I'm not sure the "cold start" lead-in works as well as it did in the 
original, where the mystery opponent turned out to be Kentaro's first 
appearance in the fic. Since we've seen him before in this version, and 
indeed his thoughts close the preceding section, it reads a bit awkward. 
Still, I don't know how it could be changed.

> Ranma swore silently; she was getting soft.  She'd spent far too much time
> at the photography studio and not enough training.

"Had spent," or "had been spending"? It'd be an interesting choice either 
way.

>  She needed to get Pop or
> Tange or somebody in her class to come by and work out with her regularly.
> Otherwise, she was going to lose her edge.

Heh! Nice continuity. The original had Ryouga, IIRC.

> After a while she decided not to push herself.  She went inside the house
> and took another lukewarm shower.  She looked at the bathtub longingly, 
> then
> went over to the mirror, something she was doing with annoying regularity.
> Ranma studied her face closely.  She hadn't noticed anything for the first
> two or three weeks.  In the past few days, though, she'd finally noticed
> what Oh had been talking about.  Her face did seem more attractive in an
> indefinable way.

Heh. "The power of suggestion is truly a thing of wonder."

> It would also mean she'd have to wear a dress again.  It had been quite a
> while since she'd worn her one dress.

Now that she's back in the Tendo house, I figured she would find (some or) 
all the female clothing she accrued prior to Herb. But since she only has
the one dress, those clothes were probably handed off to Nabiki or Kasumi 
before they could meet a grisly end.

> Ranma thought back, trying to
> remember the last time she'd put it on.  She couldn't remember.  Ranma
> frowned and concentrated harder, trying to remember everything that had
> happened to her in the past couple of years.  She just wasn't certain when
> she'd worn the dress last.

Hm. Interesting deviation from the original's line of thought.

> "Really?" Kasumi came up and felt Ranma's forehead.  "What are the
> symptoms?"
>
> Ranma shook her head.  "I just get sick to my stomach and dizzy all of a
> sudden.  I feel fine otherwise.  Well, mostly.  Just started today.  Don't
> worry, Kasumi.  I'll be over this in a day.  Two days, tops.  There ain't 
> a
> virus in the world that...."
>
> Ranma trailed off at Kasumi's expression.  She looked slightly pale 
> herself.
> She slowly lowered her hand and studied Ranma with an expression very
> similar to shock.

It's a bit sudden for Kasumi to jump to the conclusion so quickly, 
especially as nausea and vomiting are symptoms to so many conditions. On the 
other hand, having Ranma sick over the course of several days would screw up 
the timeline between the initial bout of morning sickness and the discovery 
itself. Maybe if Kasumi were only _beginning_ to suspect the truth at this 
point, and her expression became one of shock only _after_ she's questioned 
Ranma about her period?

> "Ranma-kun...." Kasumi's voice was tentative, another first.  "Have... 
> have
> you... been remaining female lately?"
>
> "Uh... did I tell you I've been doing some modeling on the side?"
>
> "Oh my, no.  When did this begin."

Kasumi's question marks are rebelling against her.

> "Ranma-kun... it's a myth.  There's no way you can whether a woman is
> menstruating or not just by looking at her."
>
> "You... you can't?  Are you sure?"

"Well, except maybe Akane, because she tends to work it out by smashing 
boulders instead of her usual cinderblocks, but that's not important right 
now. And... um, well, we'll be able to tell with you in just a couple of 
months, because you'll start showing."

> Ranma blinked.  "I, uh..." It was actually a question she'd been kind of
> avoiding.  Despite her relationship with Kentaro, despite her plans to 
> marry
> him, despite the fact that she taught as a woman and spent almost all of 
> her
> time as a woman, there was still a large part of her that thought of 
> herself
> as a man.  That being a woman was a guise she assumed so that she could be
> with the man she loved.  And since she had been a woman when she'd first
> established a reputation for herself as a martial arts instructor, it was
> logical to continue to teach in the dojo as a woman.

That means, it's the guise she assumed so that she could live out the life 
she had chosen, no?

> Ranma had never seen Kasumi act this way.  It scared the hell out of her.
> "What is it? I'm dying, right? I can turn male if it helps."
>
> Kasumi squeezed her hands.  "Ranma-chan."

Heh. Nice shift there, Kasumi. It's a little bit strange that Ranma doesn't 
pick up on it, though, but that may be just her general stress.

>
> "Pregnant!"
>
> Everyone stared at Ranma.  She looked wildly around, trying to figure out
> who had just shouted.

A pregnant silence ensued.

...okay, yeah, I'll let myself out, thanks.

> Ranma slowed to a halt in front of a bathhouse.  She went inside and 
> waited
> impatiently in line.  Finally, she reached the counter.  "One, please."
>
> The attendant looked at her with a bored expression.  "Fifteen thousand
> yen."

WHAAAAA!? I have no idea how much public baths cost in Japan, but that's 
EXPENSIVE!

(About 130 USD, according to today's exchange rates. By comparison, Oh paid 
Ranma one third that amount for the first shoot.)

> Kentaro looked up from the collection of specimens he was cataloguing.

"Pig fetus from the office of a Grissom, Gilbert, PhD. Las Vegas, Nevada..."

> "Ranma, you didn't have to come out here.  I understand that..."
>
> His voice trailed off as Ranma looked up at him.  Her face was... strange.

Is it because of the cycle thing? Oh! Oh was right!

> Lee gave him a slight shake.  "Thanks!" He turned quickly and slammed into 
> a
> doctor carrying a tray.  The soup and salad on the tray went flying, with
> most of the latter landing on Kentaro.
>
> Lee, meanwhile, was turning very white.  "Doctor, I'm s-sorry."  The 
> doctor
> herself had escaped the collateral damage, but was still glaring at Lee. 
> "I
> - I'll buy you another dinner."
>
> "Yes, you will." Her tone managed to lower the temperature in the room to
> just above freezing.  "Your name is?"
>
> Lee was fumbling to answer as they walked away.

Ever since the original version, I've felt that this particular exchange was 
redundant to the story. We don't care much about either character, and TOP's 
style centers on either Ranma or Kentaro's POV, so to have the "camera," so 
to speak, switch to these two characters breaks the flow of the scene. Maybe 
if we just got a quick description of the events, from Kentaro's 
perspective?

>
> By process of elimination, Kentaro looked up.
>
> Ranma was clinging to the ceiling.  How, Kentaro had no idea.

Heh! Love the deadpan delivery there.

> Ranma stood at the edge of the ocean, the water covering her ankles.  She
> smelled the salt air, felt the cool mist that sprayed over her constantly,
> and began to calm down.
>
> She had never been so panicked in all her life.  Not in all the battles
> she'd ever fought, not when battling Happosai or Cologne, never.  A little
> afraid, maybe.  But never so caught up in the fear that it controlled her.

Even though he gets referenced quite often already, I'd change the "Happosai 
or Cologne" to Herb, maybe Pantyhose Taro. She's usually mad or irritated 
during her fights with the old masters, but I don't think she's actually 
afraid of either.

> Ranma felt the tears running down her cheek.  She'd been afraid that her
> child was about to die.  And she still feared for her child's life.

;_;

> Ranma frowned.  "Uh, well, I guess that's one way to look at it." They
> reached the sleeping bags.  Ranma toed one of them.  "I'm glad to know 
> what
> you're feeling, Kentaro.  Would you mind, though, not mentioning it again
> until I've decided?  I... need a little space."

"I might want to start screaming and kicking and punching randomly and I 
don't want you in range."

> At one point, Akane came out onto the porch and waved merrily at her. 
> Ranma
> slowed her punches to examine Akane.  Akane didn't seem to know. 
> Apparently
> Kasumi had kept her observation to herself.  Ranma appreciated her
> discretion.

One wonders whether Soun "got it" from her earlier outburst, though.

> Akane blew out a frustrated breath.  "I really hate it when you act this
> way, Ranma.  Either tell me what's wrong or tell me to leave you alone. 
> If
> you just stand there and stare at me, I'm gonna start beating on 
> something,
> and it's a toss-up right now between you and the post.  Leaning a little 
> bit
> towards you, I should add."

Heh!

> Ranma drew a deep breath.  "I'm pregnant."
>
> Akane appeared to freeze in place.  Slowly, her face changed from the
> slightly irritated expression she'd been using to a shocked, slack-jawed
> look of disbelief.  "You're... pregnant?"
>
> Ranma nodded miserably.
>
> Akane looked down at Ranma's stomach, then back up at Ranma.  "How long?"
>
> "Six weeks."
>
> Akane still looked slightly dazed.  "You've been a woman for six weeks?"
>
> Ranma nodded again.
>
> "But... why?"
>
> "Because of the modeling I was doing."
>
> "And... and it never occurred to you to wonder why you never got your
> period?"
>
> "No."
>
> "It never occurred to you that you might get pregnant if you stayed 
> female?"
>
> "No.  It never did."
>
> Akane looked like she was about to scold Ranma, then shook herself and
> leaned forward to peer down into Ranma's eyes.  "How do you feel about 
> it?"
>
> "I don't know.  I don't know what to think or feel or do." Ranma clamped
> down before she could start to babble.
>
> "Are... are you going to keep it?"
>
> Ranma hung her head.  "I don't know."
>
> Akane's eyes widened.  "What about hot water? What are you going to do 
> about
> hot water splashing you?"
>
> Ranma sighed.  "I don't know."
>
> "Wow." Akane put her hand under Ranma's chin and lifted her head. 
> "There's
> a lot you need to think about, isn't there?"

Maybe there should be a bit more shock from Akane's part? The questions 
might be her way of dealing with it, keeping her mind occupied with the 
facts instead of letting her emotions get the best of her, but I feel she 
should have a stronger reaction when Ranma first tells her. Then, after she 
gets over the world-shattering news, she can start asking questions.

> "No you don't.  There are things you don't quite understand." Akane set 
> her
> lemonade on the table.  "A woman... when she's growing up and she learns
> about her body, about how she's able to give birth, it changes her.  The
> prospect of making a baby and bringing it out into the world to raise -
> that's what makes being a woman special, and exciting.  A lot of her
> personal identity is shaped by that, by the knowledge that her body allows
> her to create life." Akane tilted her head.  "I'm making some
> generalizations here, but I think it's pretty true for most women.  I know
> it's true for me.  Part of what I look for in a man is the potential to be 
> a
> good father."

Eek  ^_^;; A few days ago (coincidentally, right before you posted this,) I 
was going over a sketch for a scene I'm writing, involving a similar 
situation, and I realized I was subconsciously cribbing from your dialogue 
here.

> Akane leaned forward to grab Ranma's hand.  "To me, being
> pregnant is wonderful and exciting.  I want to someday experience what
> you're feeling.  Truth be told, I'm a little envious."

At this point, I think she should still be reeling a bit from the news. Keep 
the dialogue, but I suggest adding body language to show how, despite her 
words, she still feels rattled at the thought of _Ranma_ being pregnant. 
That'd make her envy towards the pregnancy even more ironic.

> "Mother.  I apologize.  I've been careless.  I... we...." She clamped her
> mouth shut, then blurted, "I'm pregnant."
>
> Kentaro carefully examined Nodoka and Genma.  Genma's eyes grew wide, and 
> he
> looked at Nodoka.  Nodoka was staring at Ranma, her face a cold mask.
>
> Kentaro watched the Saotome family tableau as it continued for several
> minutes.  Ranma's face was full of fear.  Genma looked wary and seemed
> poised for action, although Kentaro couldn't guess what he might be
> preparing for.  Nodoka was still staring coldly at Ranma.

Makes one wonder, though --if Nodoka had already agreed, albeit 
begrudgingly, to the possibility of a wedding, then she must have considered 
the possibility of children also.

Unless she had blocked out that particular thought, like Ranma did when 
Kasumi first found out.

> Nodoka's voice was shaking.  "My greatest fear during the sixteen years my
> son was gone from my life was that you had somehow lost him.  Today, that
> fear has been realized."

Huh. That means that she still held hope, even through Ranma's relationship 
with Kentaro, that her son would "come to his senses" and get back with 
Akane.

> Genma straightened a little and glared at Nodoka.  "It is more than you 
> have
> ever given him, Nodoka.  You have barely tolerated his current form, and 
> you
> have treated his fiancee disgracefully.  Did you see the fear on his face?
> How does it feel to know that your son is afraid of you?"

Fiance. Fiancee is the female form of the term.

> Kentaro nearly jumped out of his skin when he felt a hand clasp his
> shoulder.  "Well, m'boy, it seems I get to call you 'Son'.  I don't know 
> how
> much Ranma has told you about our family, but there are a few things I can
> tell you about that you may find useful.  Ranma and her mother are more
> alike than either one of them realize." Kentaro heard Genma chuckle
> ruefully.  "If you can avoid the same mistakes I made, you'll find that 
> life
> in the Saotome family can be pretty good."

Heh! That makes it sound like Genma himself married into it. ^^

>
> "So... she's accepted your female form?"
>
> "More than that.  I am a woman to her, now.  I think she'd actually feel
> uncomfortable if I became a guy in her presence."

More like she'd be heartbroken, I feel. She never got to raise a son, and 
now she's discovered she has a daughter she never raised either. Ranma was
taken from her twice over. However, she can still teach Ranma about 
womanhood, and in that way, she can make amends with Ranma as a daughter; 
there's nothing left for her to relate with Ranma as a son, and, knowing she 
has lost "him" for good, it would only be painful for her to see him.

> Ranma shook her head.  "Back when Herb locked me in my female form, I used
> the phrase, 'I am my father's son' like a litany.  It was a reminder of 
> who
> I had been, and who I hoped to be someday.  Even if Pop and I had a bit of 
> a
> falling out for a while, the phrase was still important.  Now, I've got a
> new litany.  I am my mother's daughter.  That's the part of me that's
> pregnant, that's about to marry a man." Ranma shrugged.  "It's kinda 
> funny."

The above also applies to Ranma, I guess. He never got to be a son to 
Nodoka, but now she has common ground on which to relate to her mother.

> Ranma adjusted her position slightly as she leafed through the newspaper.
> It made no difference whatsoever; everything ached.
>
> Kentaro walked into the room, holding a glass.  "Would you like some
> lemondade?"

Errant "d" there in "lemonade."

And it _was_ "lemonade" up on the roof which got them in this mess to begin 
with!

> "You don't really mean that, do you?"
>
> "Try me.  She's second on my list, right after you.  Look at what you did 
> to
> my feet!"  Ranma pointed.

*dies laughing*

> Ranma looked at Kentaro, her eyes wide.  Then she motioned.  "Come here a
> sec."
>
> Kentaro stood up and took a step nearer to her.
>
> She punched him in the groin, not ungently.  "This is what this feels 
> like."

...vivid illustration. Ouch. _She can break five-ton boulders with that 
hand._

>
> Carefully but eagerly, Ranma left the room with Kentaro at her side.

Love the new ending, by the way. I feel it works better than the original.

> Let me know how successful I was.  I struggled with trying to justify
> Ranma's avocation and I'm not certain I was successful.

I thought it worked well. If you need more convincing how about this? Maybe 
Ranma isn't entirely convinced by Nabiki's offer. Maybe she wants to be 
ready for the photoshoot. Either way, she leafs through old photos of 
herself (in either form) performing martial arts, and these help her 
acknowledge the importance of photos for the brochures. Then, comparing 
those photos with Oh's work with her (if this is set in modern times, she 
can easily see it on a digital camera as soon as he's done) tickles her 
narcissism enough that she takes "looking her best" as a competition.

Don't know if that would contrive the situation further, but if you want to 
keep this angle, I figure that hitting Ranma right in her ego is the way to 
go. She DID respond strongly to Tsubasa's taunting about her looks, after 
all :P

> And if you have any better ideas on how to get Ranma pregnant, I'm all 
> ears.
> I'm not above rewriting the whole thing again.  =)

Heh, I'll give it a thought, then :) Great work, though!


Jorge A. Pratt
jorgepratt at prodigy.net.mx
terbril at rocketmail.com