[FFML] [AYA] Wild, WIld East - Chapter 8 - Tokyo Cowgirl

[DB Sommer]

% And here we go again:


     Trapped in the basement of a burning and exploding building,
Tina clung to her companion.

% A bottle of Jack Daniels.

     Instead of allowing herself to be pushed into the open end
of the duct, she

% I'd make this'Tina' rather than 'she'in this instance


     "What's the problem?" Steven yelled.
     "It's dark in there!"

% Ah, Mendou syndrome. IS her family crest an octopus I wonder.

     "So?"
     Tina swallowed.  She could feel her palms sweating as the
duct opening looked like a giant mouth ready to swallow her in
its darkness.  "I'm... I'm afraid of the dark."
     "Are you afraid of dying?"

% Tina: I'm primarily afraid of dying in the dark

     "What are you doing?" she yelled, her voice echoing
strangely in the metal tube.

% PLaying a game of duck duck goose, emphasis on 'goose'

     Another explosion caused the entire duct to shake.  Smoke
began to billow up from below.  In a panic, she

% again I'd replace 'she' with 'Tina'


     Turning around in the duct, she peered back down the way she
had come to give Steven a hand.
     Instead of the American, she saw only darkness.

% Oops.

     Bouncing off the weaving sides, she slammed into a final
obstruction, a square grating the blocked

% grating that

     Limping, she made it to the street, just

% don't think you need the comma

     As she got close, her eye caught on something more
promising.  At the far side of the crowd were a pair of white
horses, all saddled and standing under a clump of trees.  Those
police officers might be able to stop one little girl but there
was no way they were going to stop a charging horse with a
determined rider.

% That's a bad idea, methinks.

     Spurring the horse again, it stumbled, hesitated before

% hesitating

     All the time she spent in California during high school,
she'd taken riding lessons and was considered pretty good - even
if she had to say so herself.  She loved cross country riding,
with all the jumps and hills to navigate.  Back in the saddle
again, it was just like old times - except for the crowd of
people, the slippery concrete, and the approaching policemen.

% Ah. then it was like LA

     As she got close, on the other side of a rubble pile was Aoi
Sakuraba, on the floor sitting up against a section of fallen
ceiling with her legs trapped under some debris.  The whole mess
appeared to be held in place by a large I-beam that jutted from
the pile like a ship's cannon.

% Of course, now she has a choice to make.


     "At least, get her highness out,"

% Ah, now royalty is thrown in the mix

     Steven grunted as their bodies collided.  Wrapping her arms
around him she buried her face in his chest.  "I knew I could
find you," she said.  "I knew you were still alive."

% Steven: The writer put too much work into me to let me die at this point.

\     "The damn thing rebooted!" Steven yelled.

% Huh, you think it would have been destroyed by now considering how 
much of the roof has made it to the basement.

     The pain increased, now burning her arm pits and threatening
the hair on her head and face.  It had to be effecting

% affecting

Steven as
well.  How he was able to endure such torture was a mystery she
had no time to consider.
     Just as the pain became unbearable, they were at the edge of
the hallway.  That was when the worst of it hit.
     She barely heard Steven's body hit the floor and felt him
pull her up into his arms.  On her back, with his arms around
her, she felt the pain strike the junction between her legs.
Inside that pain, she felt a strange pressure.  The pressure
increased until the pain was replaced by a wave of sheer pleasure
that wracked her body.  The pulsing waves of energy surging
through the floor caused her to convulse as the strongest orgasm
of her young life shook her.  Then a second - and a third
contraction caused her to writhe in Steven's arms.  Flashes of
light seemed to spark in front of her closed eyes.  Her whole
body chilled suddenly before another orgasm struck with greater
force than the ones before.
     Somewhere around the fifth climax, her world went black.

% My... it's even better than a nude bomb, it's an orgasm machine.

% I didn't see that coming. Nice work, as always.

% DB Sommer




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