[FFML] [fic][Princess Tutu/Revolutionary Girl Utena] Two Archetypes in Search of a Story 1/3

[DB Sommer]

What the hell. I liked one of these and saw the first 2 eps of the 
other, so let's do it.

Aishuu Shadowweaver wrote:

>Part 1:
>
>There was nothing more relaxing for Fakir than
>dangling his feet in the water, watching as Ahiru swam
>by with contentment. 
>

% I think I can figure out that bit here from what little I know of PT.


>The water was cool on his toes,
>and balanced a sheaf of papers in his lap,
>  
>

% and...lap sounds off. don't know if its tense or what, but it does not 
flow well.


>He knew he had gained a reputation for being
>"peculiar" as of late, 
>

% Like any being in either of those two series could be called that. *snort*


>
>s walking towards him. Then she came out of the
>darkness and Fakir saw a rather bedraggled looking
>girl wearing a cloak and a boy’s school uniform.
>/Perhaps I am peculiar if I'm seeing things now,/ he
>thought to himself. The girl had pink hair.
>

% A much more common color in anime than one would think Luckily this is 
not a mystery xover.


> Her eyes
>flickered between him and Ahiru before she smiled.
>
>"Hello," she said, "I think I'm lost."
>
>*
>Utena sat at his table, cradling a cup of tea in her
>hands. She was explaining how she'd come to be in
>Kinkan town, and he listened closely, hoping for a
>clue. She was pretty, in a tomboyish sort of way, but
>Fakir felt no attraction to her. Instead, he wanted to
>protect her in the same way he'd served Mytho. Since
>he hadn't had that urge since the story had ended, he
>was on guard and suspicious.
>  
>

% It probably means a new story is beginning. Er, well, you know.

>
>"Great, you'll know her when you see her," he repeated
>sarcastically, "I'm surprised you remember your name."
>  
>

% Utena: Actually, I had it tattooed on my body, like in Momento. Want 
to see where it is?

>
>He carefully measured out a couple scoops of coffee
>beans into the machine, filled it with water, and hit
>brew. Then he dug out a packet of pancake mix, smiling
>as Ahiru fluttered onto the nearby counter top. He'd
>given up eating eggs since coming to know her; it
>would have approached cannibalism.
>  
>

% Well, only if they're duck eggs. Not like human's don't start out as a 
half an egg themselves.

>
>"Definitely not a ballerina," he declared. Her legs
>were well-muscled, so she was probably an athlete, but
>the toes didn't have the heavy calluses or broken
>toenails that marked ballet dancers. She was a little
>too sturdily,
>

% too sturdily what? Sounds like something is missing.


>
>Fakir frowned. That voice had sounded just like Ahiru
>had, when she was girl. But Ahiru was still quacking
>happily away in his arms. He sighed. It was only
>wishful thinking.
>  
>

% nice way to start. it's also nice to know it's only 3 chapters long, 
since it will be to the point. Will try to get to more.

DB Sommer

>  
>