[FFML] [Ranma/Marvel] Avenging Side Story 4: The Tragic Death...

[Angus MacSpon]

Hmm, okay.  I'm a Haruhi fan, so -- despite the rather depressing
title -- let's have a look.

On 6/07/2007, at 04:14, DB Sommer wrote:

> Once Kozue was out of sight, the Nurse Akagi continued walking with  
> the
> child in her arms until she entered the newborn’s ward. She lay the
> child in her assigned crib and cradled the infant’s cherubic face.

Remove "the" before "Nurse Akagi".  Or, remove "Akagi".

> “But, ironically, despite your encompassing the entire world in your
> reality warping powers, once you’re defeated, everything snapped  
> back to
> normal, with only a handful at the center of your defeat remember only
> the faintest of details of your tampering. Meaning your death today  
> will
> change nothing of consequence in the future.”

Doesn't quite make sense.  Suggest:
   ... once you were defeated, everything spanned back to
   normal, with only a handful at the center of your defeat remembering
   the faintest of details ...
This fixes the tense problems and the repetition of "only".

> This one didn’t really fit in the proper Avengers story, so it  
> became a
> side story. It also shows Kang’s still active and manipulating events.
> It also uses the age old moral question of ‘if you could go back in  
> time
> and kill Hitler as an infant, before he committed the atrocities he  
> did,
> would you do it?”

Bit of a stretch to compare Haruhi to Hitler, of course.  Though I
suppose Kyon might not quite agree.  :)

All in all ... hm, what can I say?  Short, to the point, and utterly
merciless.  An effective interlude.

Cheers,
Angus

------------------------------------------------------------------------
Angus MacSpon                                  Email: macspon at ihug.co.nz
ICQ: 65719513                          http://shell.ihug.co.nz/~macspon/