[FFML] [Ranma][OMG] Happosai's Life of DOOM #6

[Rebecca Heineman]

Happosai's life of DOOM: Chapter 6, Divine interest.

Ranma 1/2 characters were created by Rumiko Takahashi. Oh! My Goddess
characters were created by Fujishima Kosuke. Other characters appearing in
this chapter are owned by their respective property holders.

By Rebecca Ann Heineman, with a tiny inspiration from "The Accidental
Goddess" by Sinom Bre.

I don't own these characters. Please don't sue me, kill me or put me though
the rinse cycle.

Urd reached over and plucked a tissue out of the dispenser and gently held
the soft paper under her eyes. A tear welled up and slowly moved from her
lower eyelid and toward her nose. She sniffed and wiped away the tear as she
leaned forward in sorrow. "Why? Why did that have to happen?" She asked to a
room that was devoid of human or divine life. Banpei, the household robot,
sat nearby, holding the box of tissues and blinked the lights in his eyes in
response.

The goddess crumpled up the soft moist paper into a ball and crushed it in
her fist. "The scoundrel! How could he!" She stood up and threw it across
the room at the image of a very handsome man on her television set. "You
cad! She loves you!"

Banpei flashed his red eyes and reached over to pick up the used tissue. The
robot was just over a meter tall, white and wore a very wide brimmed black
hat that looked like it was a cross between a trashcan lid and a Chinese
straw hat. He wheeled over to a wastebasket and tossed away the garbage,
then he scurried back to his place next to Urd. From where he was located,
she could easily reach the box of tissues he held. He was always present to
lend a hand whenever Urd watched her soap opera.

"NOOO!!!" Cried Urd as the ending credits scrolled up on the screen, her
eyes sparked angrily and she pointed her finger at the TV. A lightning bolt
shot out, shorting out the television set and sending a puff of black smoke
to fill the room with a foul stench of burning plastic. Coughing, the
goddess floated out of her bedroom and into the hall.

"Don't expect me to fix that." Skuld, Urd's baby sister and resident
tinkerer, said as she peeked out of her workshop down the hall. "And I'm not
lending you mine so you'd better fix it yourself."

The little robot followed Urd out into the hall which attracted the
attention of his creator. "Hey, Banpei! Get in here!"

Banpei put the box of tissues on a low table and raced into Skuld's
workshop. The little goddess happily produced some high tech looking objects
and smiled. "I've got some upgrades for you."

He stopped and backed away from his master. Skuld crossed her arms in
dismay. "Don't you go anywhere. I need you here, c'mon I haven't got all
day."

The robot slowly inched forward, wondering if the installation of these
upgrades would hurt, explode or increase his chances for a date with Sigil,
Skuld's female robot. Judging the odds of total meltdown were in low
millions, he moved cautiously forward for whatever Skuld had in mind for
him.

Urd had to think of something. Her next soap opera was coming on in thirty
minutes and she couldn't watch it with a fried TV. She picked up the remote
and pressed the 'on' button. As expected, nothing happened except that the
smoke cleared a little. She randomly pressed buttons until another spark
came from the TV startling the Goddess of the Past. She tossed the remote to
the side and sat down in thought. How can I bum off a TV from Skuld? As she
sat there, an odd feeling came over her. A very uncomfortable feeling, one
she hadn't felt for a long time and had hoped to never feel again. She
focused to find the source and came up empty. The feeling vanished, yet its
effects were unforgettable, regrettably "No..." She whispered. "He can't be
in Midgard, can he?"

She stretched her arms out and flew out of the room, down the hall and
landed at the doorway of the kitchen. She peeked inside and found her sister
Belldandy, the Norn Goddess of the Present, wearing a brown floor length
housewife's dress and apron. She was putting the last of the dishes away
into the cupboard. "Hey, Bell, did you feel that?"

Belldandy turned to her sister with a great big smile. "Of course I did.
It's a wonderful night and the moon is happy."

That wasn't what Urd was expecting for an answer. "Uh... Okay. If you say so
sis. But seriously, did you feel anything weird right now?"

"No, I hadn't felt this way since Hild came to visit." She hummed a happy
tune as she wiped the countertop.

"Are you sure?" Urd was taken slightly aback. Whenever Hild came to visit,
bad things and mischief always followed, so Belldandy saying anything nice
about those visits was a bit pecular. Then again, Belldandy had a knack for
finding good in everything, even impending doom and destruction.

"Oh, my." Bell pulled up her apron to examine a small stain. "I'll have to
cheer it up."

Urd backed away from the kitchen, wondering if her sister's happy condition
bordered on a mental disorder. She paced down the hallway back toward her
room when her baby sister popped out of nowhere and ran into Urd.

"Hey, watch where you're going, big sister." Skuld had a frightened look on
her face as she got back from from her place on the floor. "Did you feel
that too?" She asked with worry and a little fear.

"You felt it? What did you feel?" Urd asked in a scared tone.

"I... I... I really don't want to talk about that." The small goddess
shivered. "It felt wrong, really wrong."

Oh, no, not her too. Urd did her best to hide her concern. If he's on
Midgard then it could only mean that Hild had already gotten to him and...
And... And... And... Urd's brain rebooted after being stuck for a moment. If
that mortal had gained the powers she thought he did, then Skuld was going
to need protection. Urd ventured a probing question, hoping against all hope
that she was wrong in her assumption about what happened in Niflhiem. "Like
someone touched you?"

Skuld didn't answer, but the shocked look in her eyes did that for her.

"You felt like someone touched you, where you didn't want to be touched?"

"How did you know?" She was aghast. Skuld stepped back, eyes on the verge of
tears. "It was horrible."

Urd nodded knowingly. "It was evil. Pure evil."

"I've felt evil before." Skuld shook her head, not comprehending what
recently happened. " But nothing like this." She gave herself a hug. "It's
like I was... Was..."

"You're safe." Urd kneeled down a little to match her smaller sister's
height.

"Was... Was... Was like someone was looking at me. In a bad way."

It's him. There was no doubt anymore. Urd nodded and cursed herself for
being right. "We gotta talk to Bell."

"I don't like this."

"Me neither." Urd stepped toward the kitchen, leaving a confused and
terrified Skuld behind. She stopped and put out a reassuring hand. "It's
going to be okay."

She looked up and deep into Urd's eyes, searching for comfort in her big
sister. "You sure, promise?"

Urd knew full well that was a promise she couldn't keep. "Let's talk to
Bell. Maybe she knows something."

Skuld frowned at Urd's avoidance to her question. But Bell might know, she
was the one everyone turned to for advice and this time was no different.
The two goddesses went back to the kitchen and as soon they entered the
doorway, they froze. There, in front of them was their sister, dressed in a
skin tight red leotard with yellow trim and thigh high vinyl boots. Her
outfit had vinyl strips trailing like a set of tails and some adorned her
shoulders. It was the uniform she wore when she was possessed by a familiar
courtesy of a manifestation of Hild. The two goddesses stared at their
sister, then for a moment, at each other. Skuld shrugged and Urd commented.
"Things are really wrong now."

Belldandy placed a small kitchen cleaning towel next to the stovetop and
smiled at her kitchen guests."Hello there, how are you two this evening?"
She went to the a drawer and extracted another towel. This one, she wetted
in the sink and began to clean the breakfast table all the while humming a
happy tune.

Both Urd and Skuld stared at their sister for a minute. After watching
Belldandy clean the table spotless, Urd spoke, "Uh, Bell?"

Belldandy placed her hands together and smiled back. "Yes?"

"Are you okay?" She asked timidly. If Belldandy was possessed by a demonic
force, they were going to need to call in for backup. Taking a step
backward, she pulled her sister out of the doorway and pushed her against
the wall. She whispered to her baby sister, urgency evident on her face,
"Call Peorth, Rind, Chrono, Ere, anyone, just get them here."

"Why? If this is a system bug, I can take care of it myself. I'm a Yggdrasil
debugger you know." For effect, she held her debugging hammer and gave it a
playful practice swing. "If a bug's here, It's mine."

"Put that away." Urd commanded. "This is not a system bug. This is far, far
worse. And I have no idea what's going to happen. So, get on the phone and
call 'em."

Skuld nodded and pulled out a celestial cell phone. She was dialing the
number to heaven when Urd kicked her sister down the hall. "Can you try to
do that without her seeing you?"

"Seeing what?" She came out the kitchen and stepped closer to her sister. As
she walked, her hips swayed in a fashion that would make supermodels green
with envy. "Are you inviting guests over?" She placed a finger to her chin
in thought. "Should I plan to make a late dinner? When will they arrive?"

"Are you sure you're okay? You're not acting like yourself." Urd was
worried. Belldandy was acting the same as she always did except for the way
she carried her body and her attire. "You seem, different."

"Different?" Belldandy batted her eyes in a seductive manner. "How so?"

"Hmm..." Thought the goddess of love. Despite her mannerisms and attire,
she's acting exactly like she usually does. Urd couldn't sense a trace of
evil coming from Belldandy and nothing else around the house seemed out of
place. Maybe this can work to my advantage? If she's like this and Keiichi
doesn't wimp out, perhaps my sister will finally get over it and sleep with
him. Urd closed her eyes and scratched the back of her head and gave a small
laugh. "Nah, nothing's wrong. I'm going back to my room and get some beauty
sleep."

"Oh, that's nice. Good night, sister." Belldandy's heels clicked as she
strutted down the hall to the laundry room.

"I've got to find out whatever did that to her. I could sure use that potion
on some stuffy mortals on my love list." Urd remember there was this
specific match up that's been giving her trouble for the last year and
something like this may be just what the Doctor ordered to get them to admit
their feelings for each other. At the least, it would make their lives a bit
more interesting until it wore off. She spent a moment chuckling at
different scenarios a love potion of this type could create when she froze
as she realized that the house was going to be invaded by goddesses any
moment now. That won't do! It will ruin this chance for Keiichi and
Belldandy to finally be a married couple. She flew into the air and straight
into Skuld's room. Whizzing by her sister, she snatched her the phone right
out of her hand and put the handset up to her face.

Skuld's face turned red with anger. "Hey, that's mine!"

Waving her sister off, Urd stammered out some hastily prepared excuses.
"Yeah, Peorth, it's me. What do you mean, who are you? It's me, Urd. This
was all a big misinderstanding so you don't need to come on down."

Skuld grew wide eyed and shook her head vigorously.

Ignoring her sister, she continued. "Don't worry, everything's under
control. Yeah, it's no... Level one? Really?"

Skuld growled at her older sister. "I was going to tell you, but you took my
phone." She pulled down her lower eyelid with her finger and stuck out her
tongue.

The white haired goddess' forehead developed a bead of sweat in panic.
"When? How? Who? What? Why? You're not serious are you?" Her face went
ashen. "No, not..." She made an angry look. "Don't you blame this on me! I
had a deal with Mr. Bone Daddy and he broke it." She slammed the phone shut
and crushed it in her hand. "Why that lying little..."

The little goddess hated being kept out of the loop. She wore a scowl on her
face to show her displeasure at the situation. "What's really going on and
who's Happosai?"

Urd trembled at the sound of that unholy word. "Don't say that name again.
If you say it three times, he might show up and trust me, you don't want to
meet him."

Skuld's eyebrow raised in surprise. "Who or what is he? Was he the one who
changed Belldandy?" She pulled out her mallet again. "If he hurt my
sister..."

"Oh, I hope not. Because that would mean..." Instantly, Urd flew out the
window and the sounds of hammering, sawing, drilling and heavy machinery
being driven was heard. A minute later, Urd flew back in. "There, we're safe
now."

"Safe from what? What did you do?" Skuld went over to her bedroom window and
threw open the shades. The window was completely boarded up and wallpapered
with demonic repelling wards. She turned around and gave a hateful stare to
her sister. Without a word, she marched over to Urd's room and slid open the
drapes only to find that the window there was also boarded up and decorated
with wards. Room by room, Skuld found each and every window was in the same
condition until she reached the front door. Opening it, she was greeted by
solid wood covered with numerous crosses, stars, christmas ornaments and
other holy symbols.

"I can explain." Urd sheepishly replied to the implied question.

"Well?" Skuld tapped her toe expectantly, "I'm waiting."

"Santa Claus is coming to town?"

Skuld walked away, down the hall and toward her workshop.

Incredulously, Urd watched her sister leave without starting a fight or
doing something rash. What a refreshing change of pace, she wondered. "Wow."
Then she heard a ticking sound. Looking down, she saw why. "Oh, wow." The
Skuld bomb exploded, sending Urd through the boarded up front doorway and
into the front lawn.

Urd lay there for a moment as wards and pieces of wood fell from the sky and
onto her. A few minutes passed before the elder goddess had the strength to
move. She sat up only to stare down the barrel of a very large gun. Banpei
gave a friendly beep. His round eight ball like face had an evil grin drawn
on it courtesy of a black marking pen. "What the...?"

"I can protect the temple as good as you." Skuld announced proudly. "Behold
my newest upgrade! It's a multi-phasic particle beam, guaranteed to fry
anything or anybody to tries to break in here."

"What made you build that? I didn't know that the Martians were coming."
First Urd was wondering why Skuld made such a weapon, but then she was
pleasantly surprised. This gun might be big enough to slow down that pervert
before he's able to get past the Valkyrie's defenses. Maybe it's enough to
discorporate him before his doublet could be promoted to a goddess. That
way, that little freak would be out of their hair forever. Urd clasped her
hands in joy. "You're a genius."

Skuld tossed her hair. "Naturally. After the Angel Eater, I needed something
to make sure Noble Scarlet's safe. With this little toy, no Angel Eater
stands a chance."

"How does it work?" She regretted asking the instant the words left her
lips.

Fifteen minutes later, Urd was sleeping on the ground as Skuld kept drawing
diagrams and equations on a white board she had brought out to demonstrate
her theories. Once Urd started snoring, Skuld grew annoyed. "Banpei, lock
on."

The little robot turned his head in all directions, stopped, and shrugged.

She pointed at her sleeping sister. "There's your target, Set to power
level..." She went over the calculations in her head. "Two hundred."

Banpei's power cell hummed loudly as it channeled energy into the gun. He
shot out a red beam from his forehead and it landed on Urd's midsection. The
barrel of the gun tracked the red dot and locked on the target.

Satisfied that revenge was a dish best served with large caliber weapons,
she weighed whether or not her sister should be conscious for the full
effect. Sleep? Wake? Sleep? Smiling, she playfully called out to her
sleeping sister.."Oh, big sister?"

Urd snored loudly.

"Wake up!" She screamed. That worked. Urd got up in a flash. She gazed at
her baby sister with half lidded eyes.

"Maybe you'll pay attention to this." She raised her arm up and brought it
down in the direction of her half-awake sister. "Banpei, fire!"

A bright ball of energy collected in the base of the barrel and a moment
later, the barrel exploded, sending Banpei into the heavens and leaving a
toasted Skuld standing in the bottom of a newly dug crater.

Urd sat there not really understanding why her sister decided to blow
herself up. "You've got my attention now."

Skuld bombs rained down all around Urd. She barely had time to float a few
meters before they all exploded everywhere.

Keiichi stood at the doorway of the temple, watching the fireworks display.
"Will you two knock it off? I've got to get up early tomorrow." He yawned
and went back to his bedroom, stopping at Belldandy's doorway. "Goodnight,
Belldandy."

>From the shadows, Belldandy slinked out, made a seductive pose and replied
in her normal tone of voice. "Good night, Keiichi. Pleasant dreams." She
then slid back into her room and under the covers of her bed, wearing
nothing but a racy negligee. Her boyfriend, blissfully unaware of
Belldandy's attire, yawned again and proceeded to his bedroom to get a good
night's sleep.

Stepping out of the kitchen from the end of the hall, a black cat with a
star on its forehead watched the area intently. She sat and kept silent
vigil at Belldandy's door.

A beat up white hearse, swerved to avoid a slow moving car and barrelled
down the highway as if the world's survival depended on it getting to its
destination on time. Ray Stantz was driving and he lowered the window with
impatience. He placed his hand just outside to force the night air into his
face. He stopped holding his breath and breathed in the fresh air as he
changed back from blue to a more natural color. "Man, that thing stinks."

Winston Zeddemore held his nose as a small puff of white smoke coming from
the ghost trap in the back of the car hit him in the face. "What the heck
did they feed that thing? Geez, didn't that thing ever hear of taking a
shower?"

Egon looked up from his notes. "The Japanese value cleanliness. They bath
almost religiously. It's possible that this demon isn't from the Japanese
islands but from another pantheon."

Peter Venkman was taking in the sights as they went down the main highway
toward Tokyo Bay. Once in a while he squirmed in his seat as Ray changed
lanes. Cars driving on the left side of the road made Peter unconfortable.
Egon's boring lectures were more uncomfortable. "And this is important,
why?"

Dr. Egon Spengler opened up one of his notebooks and held out a sketch he
made of Happosai. "Notice the demonic marks on his face. That's a typical
trait of the Norse Pantheon. It's the tentacles I'm trying to figure out.
There's no reference to them in Norse Mythology."

Peter looked out his car window again, not paying attention to Egon's
lecture. "You do that. All I care about is getting back to New York and
cashing this guy's check before he puts a stop payment on it."

Winston reverently put his hands together in prayer. "Amen to the almighty
dollar."

"Actually, we were paid in yen." Egon volunteered.

"Yen?" Winston was a bit concerned. "We're still rich right? I mean. they're
Japanese dollars, right?"

"Actually, a yen's worth about a penny."

Peter pulled out the check and read the amount without the last two digits.
"A penny each? Ah, man, and here I thought I was going to get a penthouse
with this."

Ray's shoulder's drooped. "Well, there went my idea of going to Tunguska to
gather samples."

"There goes my raise." Winston moaned. "Do we have enough to pay me just a
little bit more? Eleven-five a year sucks you know."

Egon took the check from Peter's hands. "That's just enough to cover all of
our legal bills. You guys forget that being sued nearly put us out of
business."

"Great, so we're still broke." Peter lifts his hands up in despair. "We just
can't get a break can we?"

Ray turned his head to something that caught his attention in the rear view
mirror. "Oh, that's all we need."

Peter exhaled in dismay. What started as a great evening was rapidly going
downhill. "What?"

"We're got company." A siren wailed from behind their vehicle accompanied by
a flashing red light.

Winston slid under his seat. "It was nice workin' with you."

Peter buried his face in his hand. "Not again. We save New York and we get
busted. Now we save Tokyo and they bust us. Can't a guy make an honest
living? It wasn't like this when I was interviewing co-eds back at
Columbia."

Egon looked up from his work long enough to respond. "We're going 30
kilometers over the speed limit. He's just going to give us a ticket." He
went right back to work.

The others breathed a sigh of relief. Ray took the next offramp and spotted
a gas station. He pulled into the tiny island and shut off the motor.

Peter looked at the police vehicle in the passenger side rear view mirror
and noticed it was an unmarked police car. The sedan was tan in color and it
had a police light placed on the driver's side roof. "Cheater! If they're
going to bust us at least give us a chance to slow down."

Egon turned around and spotted the police car. "Odd, they usually don't use
unmarked cars for traffic stops."

Ray kept his hands on the steering wheel. "They do now."

Winston had reached the floor and was trying to hide under the back seat.
"If anyone asks, I just hitched a ride with you."

Peter crossed his arms while being miffed in his seat. "It's a long swim
back to the US of A."

"I'll be thinkin' of ya while I'm hitching a ride back while they send you
to Sing Sing."

"That would be impossible." Egon said without looking up from his hand held
computer. "Sing Sing won't take inmates arrested for crimes in Japan, we'd
probably be incarcerated for a few days and then deported."

Peter slowly shook his head. "You're an encyclopedia of everything I never
wanted to know. Have you been to Wikipedia?"

Egon looked up from his palm top computer. On it was a page from Wikipedia
about the Norse gods. "Yes."

In the car behind the hearse, Officer Narita turned off the engine and
turned to his superior. Detective Miyashi was covered in bandages and had a
bad attitude. Being run over by a dozen people, only to awaken when an
archway fell on him tended to bring down any thought of a good mood. Narita
placed his hands down from the steering wheel and shook his head. "You sure
you want to talk to them?"

"I'm sure. The kid's got immunity and now his family's gone. These people
are the only one's I've got right now. Besides, from what I've heard about
them, they're already pretty shady." He reached over and opened the
passenger door and limped out of the car. He grabbed a wooden pole he had
found back at the Tendo residence wreckage and used it like a crutch. He
slowly walked around the door to to the passenger side of the hearse. As he
walked, he peered into the windows and saw a smoking metal box in the back
and an African American man attempting to hide under the back seat. Yep,
these guys were pretty shady.

Peter poked his head out of the window and greeted the officer with a
cordial smile. "Howdy, officer. I don't speak Chinese."

"Don't worry," spoke the detective in perfect English. "Neither do I."

Egon tapped Peter on the shoulder. "They speak Japanese here."

"Japanese, Chinese, it's all the same to me."

The detective saw no humor in Peter's statement. Taking these people
downtown sounded like a great idea. Maybe a few days incarcerated, then a
deportation should show these foreigners some respect, and it would help
cheer up the detective. "You all look the same to me too."

"Really? Because I think I look a lot better than him." Peter pointed to
Ray, who was busy looking elsewhere.

"I have some questions for you. Please step out of the car."

Peter smugly answered. "That's not a question."

"Out." He was not amused.

Peter got out of the car and offered his hand. "Professor Peter Venkman, at
your service."

Miyashi relucantly took his hand to give it a shake. "Detective Miyashi,
Nerima Ward, I want you to tell me what you were doing at the Tendo
residence."

"That's classified."

Miyashi's eyes became slits as his blood pressure raised a single digit.
"Oh, really." He said with a bit of sarcasm. "And why is that?"

"That's classified too."

In the back of the car, the small metal box jumped and landed with a loud
clanking sound. Everyone within earshot turned their heads towards it in
shock. Miyashi took a step back and put his hands up in a martial arts
defensive posture. "What was that?"

Peter nonchalantly answered, "That's classified too."

"Classified or not, I need to see what you've got in the back."

Ray leaned over toward the passenger window, "You're not from the E. P. A.
are you?"

"No, I'm with the Tokyo Police Department, homicide."

Peter scratched his own shoulder to get rid of an itch. "Well, I'm sorry to
tell you, the guy's already dead. We're just here to make sure he says that
way."

Another loud clang was heard from the back of the car. Winston got up from
the floor of the back seat and rolled down his window. "Since when does that
happen?" He opened the door and got out. A cloud of white smoke billowed out
from the open door.

Seeing that the car appeared to be on fire and they were parked next to a
gasoline pump, the detective wasted no time performing his job. "Narita,
call the Fire Department!" He turned his attention to the two remaining
occupants of the car. "Get out of the vehicle and I want all of you over
there." He pointed to the mini-mart that controlled the gas pumps. He
watched the men exit the car, coughing and wheezing from the pungent smoke
and they assembled where they were told.

Winston elbowed Egon who was still typing something into his pocket
computer. "You got the check, right?"

Egon pulled the check out of his pocket, showed it to a happy Winston and
promptly put the check back into a safe place. He pulled up a web page on
his computer and read the text. "Fascinating."

Miyashi, confident that no one was left in the car. Hobbled backwards,
taking extra care not to aggravate his injures. "Now, what's in that box
you've got in the back? Is it dangerous?"

Egon looked up from his palm computer and looked the detective up and down.
"For you, probably not."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Are you a female?" Egon asked scientifically.

Miyashi's eyebrows twitched and his blood pressure went up another few
points. If this was another 'they all look the same joke' he was personally
going to boot these men off the Japanese islands. "No."

"You've got nothing to worry about then."

The rear window of the hearse shattered as the ghost trap popped out and
landed on the pavement. It kept on bouncing around and it landed on the hood
of Narita's car. The officer jumped out of the vehicle and pulled out his
gun. "Stop that thing!"

Ray blinked his eyes and faced his comrades. "Did that ever happen to you
before?"

"No." "Nope." "No way in hell." Answered the trio.

Ray nodded in agreement. "Me neither."

"Turn that thing off!" Miyashi instantly regretted his words as the box
turned and went straight for him. He dove to the side and landed in a small
flower bed that was sitting in front of the mini-mart.

"Stop or I'll shoot!" Narita ran to assist the detective, all the while he
kept his gun aimed at the Mexican Jumping Box.

Egon held up his hands in a warding sign, much like any other Japanese
person would when they were showing shock or surprise. "I wouldn't do that.
You could hit the power supply!"

Narita was too busy watching the box hop around, trailing a thick cloud of
smoke that he didn't hear Egon's warning. He aimed his pistol and the moment
the box hit the ground, he fired off a round. The bullet sparked off the
metal and caused no real damage.

"Cease fire!" Ordered Miyashi as he got up from the flower bed. "We're at a
gas station!"

Narita stood back, ready to take another shot when the box suddenly stopped
jumping. It sat there, emitting even more smoke than before.

Peter slowly clapped his hands in mock applause. "I think you got it."

A device on Winston's belt started to beep. He pulled out the instrument and
read the display. "What's going on? It is supposed to do that?"

"Oh, no." Ray took the little black box and read the readout. "The PK
reading is growing exponentially."

"Is it like the river of slime?" Egon pulled up a note on his computer about
their adventures with Psycho Kinetic slime that nearly destroyed New York.

"I think so, but it's rising at a rate I've never seen before."

"What are you blabbering about?" The detective was furious. What was
supposed to be a routine questioning was turning into a long night.

Ray's forehead was covered in sweat. "I'd say we've got twenty seconds
before we have a PK overload of biblical, even galactic proportions."

Winston sank to against the mini-mart entry doorframe. "So I've got twenty
seconds to kiss my ass goodbye? I'm going inside to get a beer." He ran
under the shop curtain and straight to the beverage section.

"Well Egon, think of something." Peter demanded. "I've got two tickets to
Wicked and nothing's keeping me from seeing that show."

"What if we cross the streams?" Ray wondered aloud.

"In five seconds, not likely. Duck!" Egon hit the ground as did everyone
else.

The beeping from the PK detector grew louder and faster paced until it was a
solid loud tone. Suddenly, it was silent.

Peter peeked his eyes from behind the hands that covered his face. He lifted
his head and saw that the ghost trap had stopped emitting smoke and wasn't
moving anymore. Timidly, he slowly got up and brushed himself off. Around
him, the few people that hadn't run screaming from the area stood up and
milled about with a slight look of embarrassment. "Yeah, nothing to see. We
meant to do that."

This had turned into a really long night and Miyashi was taking someone in.
His victim was standing right in front of him. "Professor, I'm going to take
you downtown for questioning."

"Why? What did I do?"

"Endangering public safety for one." He brushed himself off, taking a bit of
care with the bandage on his arm. "Obstructing justice, and once the Hazmat
team gets here, I'm certain I'll have you on pollution laws."

Ray frowned. "You are from the E. P. A., aren't you?"

"Never heard of them." He walked over to the box and picked it up by a black
handle. "And this thing, will be checked in as evidence."

The three men collectively gasped as a red light blinked on the box. The
three covered their heads and fell to the ground.

"Fool me once..." The detective said before the box exploded, leaving a
small crater that had two men standing there. One, a tall bandaged detective
who was in need of more bandages, and a short old man who also appeared to
need medical help.

Happosai stood for a moment before the taller man started to fall on him.
The gnome jumped out of the way and landed at the front of the mini-mart,
just as Winston came out holding a bag filled with alcoholic drinks. "Don't
mind if I do."

He snatched a large bottle of sake and slurped it down in one slurp, then
threw the empty bottle to the ground in disgust. "Aw! That didn't work!"

Ray rolled his eyes. "There goes our paycheck guys."

"You mean this?" Happosai had the check in his hand. He lit it with a match,
then used it to light his pipe. He inhaled from his pipe and grew angry.
"That's not it either."

Egon pulled up his information on Happosai and read a few notes. "He's
trying to recharge his powers. We've got to stop him."

"I could have told you that." He studied each and every person he could see.
Every one of them was male except for the old woman across the street. She
wouldn't do either. He stared at Detective Miyashi, who was pulling himself
out of the crater. "There isn't a pretty lady in sight."

Miysahi felt strange. His injuries had healed and he felt light as a
feather. With his new found strength, he easily got out of the hole in the
ground. He pulled off his bandage on his right arm and found that the skin
underneath was completely flawless. In fact, it was too flawless. Gone was
the fine hair that normally was on his skin. He followed his arm and got a
good look at his hands.

Odd was only scratching the surface at how his slender hands looked. His
wedding ring felt loose and his fingers were thinner than he remembered. At 
the tips were finely manicured french tipped fingernails. He put his hands 
up and turned them around to examine them carefully.

Only a few meters away, stood a happy drooling pervert. "P-p-pretty lady!"

His tranformation was complete. Her cup size was officially a D and her 
measurements would rival that of a woman who posed for Playboy Magazine. 
Miss Miyashi's long black hair grew down to the small of her back and her 
suit and tie changed into a little black evening dress with matching black 
pumps. Pantyhose appeared on her legs and a light amount of makeup adorned 
her flawless facial features. The now female detective didn't have time to 
fully comprehend what happened before she had something attach itself to her 
breasts with an iron grip.

"Hotcha!" Happosai sucked out her energy in the only the way a true pervert 
could, through burying his face in her bosom. Without a word, the 
detective's eyes rolled into the back of her head and she fell backwards 
into the crater.

A moment later, a fully charged dirty old man jumped out of the pit, 
screaming in delight. "I'm hot tonight! Now, off to find the ladies!" 
Quickly, he bounded out of sight.

The Ghostbusters looked at each other in dismay and terror. Peter held out 
and open hand and placed a clenched fist in it. "Everyone in favor we leave 
town, say aye!" He raised his hand.

The other three raised their hands.

Peter nodded. "The aye's have it!"

Narita came out of shock and slowly approached the crater, fearful that 
whatever happened to the detective was contagious. He kneeled down and 
looked into the crater and found his boss lying on the bottom wearing his 
suit and tie and he was back to normal.

Miyashi opened his eyes and stared at the sky. "This has been a really, 
really long night."

Nodoka Saotome felt happy as she slowly closed the door to the spare 
bedroom. Inside, on the floor in assorted sleeping bags was the Tendo 
family. Kasumi, at her father's insistence, slept in the bed, while the rest 
slept soundly in their travelling bags. Nabiki's bag was the one that seemed 
to be in pristine condition while poor Ranko's looked like it had been used 
non-stop for years. Mrs. Saotome insisted Ranko use her son's old blanket. 
The girl was so grateful, she seemed on the verge of tears when she hugged 
it as if it was a long lost treasure.

As the woman walked to her empty room. she couldn't help but wonder at the 
strange things that happened this night. Ranko and Akane kept making verbal 
jabs with each other in such a way that it was almost like they was a long 
married couple. If she didn't know any better, it was as if those two had 
feelings for each other. That was silly, they're both girls and almost 
sisters for that matter.

Still, when the minister announced he was performing a lesbian wedding, 
Akane didn't raise an objection. That made her very concerned about that 
Tendo's upbringing. Akane had been acting more like a boy than a girl ever 
since she had met her, yet the young Tendo wanted so hard to try to learn to 
be a good wife by working in the kitchen. She had already mastered boiling 
water and her curry could use a little work, but it was decent. However, her 
violent streak wasn't going to win her a husband and she had to be more like 
Ranko. She was going to be a perfect wife one day.

Nodoka couldn't understand why she was drawn to the red-headed Tendo. Most 
of the time, she was a perfect lady, but sometimes she was more of a tomboy 
than Akane. Tonight was the first time she saw just how much of a tomboy she 
really was. It was as if Ranko was a man. She charged into battle, defended 
that Devil Hunter and those martial arts moves... Where did she learn those 
from? Soun was a great martial artist, just like her husband, but what she 
saw was beyond anything she'd ever seen when her husband was winning those 
tournaments.

That was so long ago, she thought. She closed the door to her bedroom and 
went to her dresser drawer. On top of it was a faded old photograph with an 
expensive looking silver frame. It was a picture of her, holding her little 
boy in her lap. She remembered that day well. She had taken Ranma to the 
park and he was climbing the trees, showing off his skills to the other 
kids. There was even a little boy he played with before the boy's father 
took him away when they took their okonomiyaki business to another city. Mr. 
Kuonji was kind enough to take this picture only a few days before he left 
the city. It was a few months later, when Ranma left too.

She opened the top drawer and there was the paper that sealed her fate. On 
it, was a promise that her son would return someday, a man among men, or he 
and his father would perform seppuku, ritual suicide. Silently, she prayed 
that she would never have to perform the task of being their second; the 
swordsperson who'd slice off the heads of the condemned once they had 
plunged their short swords into their bellys. It was a mission of mercy, but 
the only mercy she would feel was when she would use the Saotome family 
katana to slit her own throat to follow her son to the grave. No, Ranma 
would never disappoint her. He was a man, someone any mother would be proud 
to call her own. She had to have faith.

She lit a long match and used it to light two candles. She clapped her hands 
twice and made the same prayer she did every night for the last ten years. 
"Please, ancestors, watch over my son and my husband. Bring my son home."

As she lay down in her bed, she felt at peace. Somehow, she knew her prayer 
had been answered.

Cologne sat in her bedroom, reading from an ancient text. She closed the 
book and hopped on her cane. Her long white hair billowed as she hopped 
toward a bookcase and she grabbed two books of interest and went back to her 
desk to study. She reached out to turn the page when she stopped to examine 
her hand. It was shriveled, aged and old. She sighed in envy at the few 
moments she had that reminded her of the body that she had thought she was 
never going to see again; the body of her youth. She and Shampoo were only 
five hundred meters away from the Tendo home before she felt the years catch 
up to her. In only a few moments, her body and clothes reverted to their 
natural form.

Despite her desire to regain that youthful body, she thought the better of 
it. Anything involving Happosai came with a terrible price and something as 
priceless as eternal youth had to have a cost just as infinitely valuable. 
Whatever that cost was, Cologne was wise enough to know that it was too 
high. Still, she allowed herself a smile, because that little taste of her 
lost years was something that was going to make this old woman remember that 
she's still got a little spark left in her old bones. Going back the her 
study, she read a few paragraphs before there was a knock at the door. "Come 
in Shampoo."

The purple haired Amazon girl came in holding a bowl of ramen. "Here you go, 
Great-Grandmother, dinner!" She carefully placed the bowl on the table, 
close enough for her elder to easily reach it, yet a respectful distance 
away from the ancient Amazon texts.

"Thank you, child." She turned the page and found a picture that caught her 
interest. "Oh, heavens, Happi!"

"What you find, Great-Grandmother?" Shampoo edged closer to get a better 
look.

The old woman looked up at her descendent and star pupil. "This is what he's 
become." She pointed to the picture. It was of a hideous looking monster 
with long tentacles emerging from its back.

Shampoo barely kept her revulsion in check. "What that? It disgusting."

"Happi always had that effect on women. This, my dear child, is a demon of 
Perverted Sex." She read some of the prose. "The only good thing it says is 
that these creatures only live for a few days, but while it's alive, it 
performs acts of pure evil."

"What we do?" Shampoo was scared. Happosai was evil, but if his evil was 
increased by any number greater than one, it was a horrible thought indeed. 
This may be the right time to convince Ranma to accompany her to China or 
beyond.

Cologne read the text to the bottom of the page, and the next page made 
reference to a different kind of demon. "It seems that there's nothing we 
can do but ride this out. There's nothing in here to say what can do to 
defeat this creature. It's as if they die off before anyone can attempt any 
sort of countermeasure. I hate to say it, but this battle is already won. We 
just have to wait few days, and Happosai will die." She sat back in her 
chair. "Oh, Happi, you've really screwed up this time."

Author's Notes: Please review my story. It makes me feel oh so happy and I 
won't inform your friends and family that you've secretly read Mad Magazine.

Last edited on Friday, July 6, 2007

Email me at becky at burgerbecky.com
Or visit http://www.burgerbecky.com