[FFML] [Fanfic][Ranma]A Change of Scene Chapter 97

[June Geraci]

Thank you for such a prompt response!
|
| I think the Akari and Ryoga breakup was a bit abrupt.  Maybe
you should
| spread it out a bit.  Add a little foreshadowing.  Maybe have
Ryoga miss
| a date or something important.  As it is, I don't remember
anything
| about Akari missing P-chan or worrying about Ryoga's wandering.
But of
| course it's been a while since I read the preceding chapters,
so there
| might have been something I missed.
|
| Of course at this point I'm expecting Ryoga to wander off to
Jusenkyo to
| attempt to regain his curse to win back Akari...you know how he
is.  Or
| perhaps he could be put in contact with the Jusenkyo products
salesman.

My breakup of Ryoga and Akari was abrupt deliberately - in order
to move to a
new plot point for Ryoga.  Perhaps I'm being a bit too cruel to
him!


| > "Achoo!"
| >
| > Kuno looked up from his studies.  "You are not getting sick,
are
| > you?"
| >
| > Nabiki rubbed her nose.  "I don't think so.  Maybe somebody's
| > talking about me."
|
| This reads like a cut-scene.  It's too short.  I'd suggest
using it as a
| transition and moving the following, Nabiki&Kuno discuss buying
a
| computer scene up to combine with this one.

I'll have to take a look at it - I thought I'd removed that
sneezing bit altogether!
That's what happens when you're in a hurry to finally get a
chapter out of
your computer and onto the mailing list.

|
| > Tatewaki was making arrangements to have Nabiki's new
computer
| > delivered to their appointment when a voice behind him make
him
| > turn around.
|
| I think you mean apartment here.

Nice catch!!
|
|
thank you again!
June