[FFML] [Fanfic][Ranma]A Change of Scene Chapter 97

[John Campbell]

June Geraci wrote:

I think the Akari and Ryoga breakup was a bit abrupt.  Maybe you should 
spread it out a bit.  Add a little foreshadowing.  Maybe have Ryoga miss 
a date or something important.  As it is, I don't remember anything 
about Akari missing P-chan or worrying about Ryoga's wandering.  But of 
course it's been a while since I read the preceding chapters, so there 
might have been something I missed.

Of course at this point I'm expecting Ryoga to wander off to Jusenkyo to 
attempt to regain his curse to win back Akari...you know how he is.  Or 
perhaps he could be put in contact with the Jusenkyo products salesman.

> "Achoo!"
> 
> Kuno looked up from his studies.  "You are not getting sick, are
> you?"
> 
> Nabiki rubbed her nose.  "I don't think so.  Maybe somebody's
> talking about me."

This reads like a cut-scene.  It's too short.  I'd suggest using it as a 
transition and moving the following, Nabiki&Kuno discuss buying a 
computer scene up to combine with this one.

> Tatewaki was making arrangements to have Nabiki's new computer
> delivered to their appointment when a voice behind him make him
> turn around.

I think you mean apartment here.