[FFML] [C&C] [SM] Sailor Moon 4200: Chapter 13

[Angus MacSpon]

On 18/08/2007, at 17:13, LaShawn wrote:
> Ah...I finally got around to reading this. Always worth the wait.

Thanks!

> Kudos for making Sailor Moon someone we have no clue of. Although  
> she did
> show up some, didn't she, now that I think of it. I wish I had more  
> time to
> read the story over again.

Ochiyo's been around since chapter 2.  :)

> The best was having Serenity show up, of course. I really teared up  
> at the
> talk between her and Rei/Atsuko.
>
> The parts where the girls froze and Serenity told the same  
> beginning to each
> one did slow the story down for me a bit. It became a little  
> annoying to
> read over and over "I frozen the others..." I would just cut that  
> out and
> just have Serenity speak to each girl privately. Of course, I  
> wondered why
> couldn't Serenity just speak with the girls simultaneously, or  
> create a wall
> of silence around each girl while she spoke to them.

I did originally write it with all the interviews taking place  
simultaneously, but it just didn't work as well.   In particular it  
got in the way of Itsuko getting angry that Serenity obviously hadn't  
denied being a goddess to Suzue.

I could have had each discussion being held inside a wall of silence  
instead -- and in fact, now I think about it, I did originally  
envisage the scene that way.  I think I'd forgotten when I came to  
actually write it. :)  But in any case, the repetition really only  
came to a single paragraph per girl -- I think I only wrote she- 
notices-the-rest-are-frozen conversations for half of them; the rest  
presumably didn't even notice.

Yes, it slows the story down a little, but it seemed like the easiest  
way to do six private discussions without a lot more overhead for  
setting an alternative up.

> Iku's growing more and more of an enigma. I *thought* I knew who  
> she might
> be, but now I'm not sure (especially since Serenity just said that she
> couldn't send herself forward. So scratch that theory). I might  
> have another
> theory, but I think I'll wait for the next chapter and see.

Heh.  Obviously there'll be a fair bit more with Iku next chapter.   
For the full truth, though, you may have to wait a while.

> And yay! Tuxdo Kamen is back! I just can't *wait* to see Mamoru  
> wake up. It
> will be very interesting indeed...

Interesting, yes, may be one way of describing it.  I'm still of two  
minds about how that scene will go...!

> Thanks, Angus, for another fine chapter! Looking forward to the  
> next one!
>
> LaShawn

Thanks as always.

Cheers,
Angus

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Angus MacSpon                                  Email: macspon at ihug.co.nz
ICQ: 65719513                          http://shell.ihug.co.nz/~macspon/