[FFML] [Fanfic][Naruto] Suiren, Chapter 13: Mission...
skychan
skywize at gmail.com
Mon Aug 13 14:48:47 PDT 2007
I have a few comments as well about the begining. First I really do enjoy
it as its truely valueble information that we didnt get earlier. However
given the fact that they explicitly mention how long the disguise lasted
last time having no mention of time between scenes is too jarring. They
seem to be on the same day from what you have said earlier. You really
might consider swapping the scene order or if you enjoy leaving them as they
are making some reference to it being evening or otherwise late in the day
to have given the disguise a chance to wear off. Perhaps with the front
desk person making a very deliberate check of the time, needing to ask a
question of someone else before sending her on up.
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