[FFML] [Fanfic][Naruto] Suiren, Chapter 13: Mission...

[Chris Nasipak]

At 10:38 AM 8/10/2007, you wrote:
> > >While you're waiting for the fire to start raining from the sky...
> > >...please tell me what you think!
> >
> > Definitely damn good to see more of this fic. Looking damn good.
>
>Just one revision chapter left to go! [...][flees in terror]
>
> >
> > However, it feels... jarring... to go straight from the new scene to
> > the Kurenai bits. There's no discussion of what happened, no
> > aftermath, no explanation... sure, we can assume Sakura makes her
> > report off-screen, but it'd be nice to have a feel for how Yoshinari
> > reacts to it, what his initial theory is, and Temari's condition...
> > just cutting from there to her 'office' (where Kurenai is apparently
> > waking her up from another 'accident') is a huge switch in tone and pace.
>
>Kurenai wasn't actually waking her from _another_ accident; Sakura was
>trying to 'fix' the scroll she'd damaged in the last chapter.

Aha. Heh. :)


>And i'm never quite sure how to react when people tell me that the
>scene changes are 'jarring.' Part of that is intentional, as each
>scene is written from a different character's perspective, and each
>character lives and acts at a different 'pace.' In the scene from
>Kurenai's perspective, Sakura was in the process of calming down after
>her experience, so Kurenai notices that Sakura's behavior is a bit
>erratic.

Yeah. I think it's more that the previous scene just /ended/, and 
didn't feel like there was any resolution or transition, and then all 
of a sudden it's Kurenai coming up to Sakura's ANBU office on what 
seems like a perfectly normal day.


>And i did a large amount of exposition in the scene already -_-;. I'm
>not sure i want to do _more_ as Yoshinari and Sakura discuss it.
>Yoshinari has already explained that he isn't a genjutsu expert, so
>he's probably going to try and get a second opinion, as by this point
>they both realize that they're totally out of their depth.
>
>This was really only the initial 'experiment,' and they'd planned to
>work on this for as long as they needed to- at least until current
>events intruded. This isn't some sort of 'special training' or crisis,
>so Sakura and Yoshinari were approching it deliberately- such as with
>the elaborate ANBU disguise.
>
>Hopefully, this scene will feel better retroactively, like the other
>recent that has been described as too 'jarring' in its given context.
>I'll think on adding more transition prose, but i'm not making any
>promises -_-;...

Yeah... I'm sure it will. I did like the way this was handled, 
especially with the "Remnant-Sakura"...

two questions that may be interestingly relevant.

1) Did Sakura synchronize memories with the "Remnant-Sakura" again 
with this linkup? Did it include any of Temari's experiences in the ANBU cell?

2) Does Yoshinari know about 'Inner Sakura', and how it/she helped 
Sakura break free of the Shintenshin the first time around - I'm 
starting to suspect that there's a direct link between this and the 
way this jutsu works without causing serious psychic injury, although 
I know some authors treat 'Inner Sakura' as nothing more than a 
dramatic device, others have taken it far beyond that...

Oh, and while I'm sure he's ... /busy/... It'd be nice to get a bit 
of Kakashi's POV and see what he's up to, especially with Sakura 
having spent some time in this chapter complaining that he's ignoring 
her. (Maybe if you're working the Tea Country mission into things, 
that would be a good time to bring it up?)


>Anyhow, thanks for reading!
>
>~Eimii
>
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