[FFML] [Fanfic][Naruto] Suiren, Chapter 13: Mission...

[Eimii]

> >While you're waiting for the fire to start raining from the sky...
> >...please tell me what you think!
>
> Definitely damn good to see more of this fic. Looking damn good.

Just one revision chapter left to go! [...][flees in terror]

>
> However, it feels... jarring... to go straight from the new scene to
> the Kurenai bits. There's no discussion of what happened, no
> aftermath, no explanation... sure, we can assume Sakura makes her
> report off-screen, but it'd be nice to have a feel for how Yoshinari
> reacts to it, what his initial theory is, and Temari's condition...
> just cutting from there to her 'office' (where Kurenai is apparently
> waking her up from another 'accident') is a huge switch in tone and pace.

Kurenai wasn't actually waking her from _another_ accident; Sakura was
trying to 'fix' the scroll she'd damaged in the last chapter.

And i'm never quite sure how to react when people tell me that the
scene changes are 'jarring.' Part of that is intentional, as each
scene is written from a different character's perspective, and each
character lives and acts at a different 'pace.' In the scene from
Kurenai's perspective, Sakura was in the process of calming down after
her experience, so Kurenai notices that Sakura's behavior is a bit
erratic.

And i did a large amount of exposition in the scene already -_-;. I'm
not sure i want to do _more_ as Yoshinari and Sakura discuss it.
Yoshinari has already explained that he isn't a genjutsu expert, so
he's probably going to try and get a second opinion, as by this point
they both realize that they're totally out of their depth.

This was really only the initial 'experiment,' and they'd planned to
work on this for as long as they needed to- at least until current
events intruded. This isn't some sort of 'special training' or crisis,
so Sakura and Yoshinari were approching it deliberately- such as with
the elaborate ANBU disguise.

Hopefully, this scene will feel better retroactively, like the other
recent that has been described as too 'jarring' in its given context.
I'll think on adding more transition prose, but i'm not making any
promises -_-;...

Anyhow, thanks for reading!

~Eimii