[FFML] [Ranma][Thy Outward Part] Faces

[Richard D LAWSON]

>Have to say, upon first reading it, I thought the opening quote
>would foreshadow Ranma's behavior. In the end, though, it's
>just like the quote from your previous work in the sense that it
>functions on several levels: not only is it directly relevant to the
>protagonist (in this case, Yoko,) but it _does_ work to some
>degree on Ranma's personality too (and that of Ranma's family,
>as well.)

I'm glad you picked up on this.  I was considering in putting in some lines 
about Ranma wearing a face, too, but decided that it was a bit too blatant.  
Symbolism work best if it's inferred rather than explained.

> > at Yoko.  "Look it over.  If you have any questions, ask Mary."
>
>Is Mary a reference to something else?

Nothing more than I was tired of looking up Japanese names.  =)  There are 
people in Japan with Western names, so I thought it wouldn't be too terribly 
out of place.

In one of my stories, I named one guy Tange Chihiro.  I think, though, that 
Chihiro may be a girl's name.  I'm not certain, though.  I need to study 
more Japanese.

>I wonder how much older Kentaro is than Yoko

I struggled with that myself.  I'm still trying to figure out how to rewrite 
Serendipity.  Problem is, I can't figure out how to keep Ranma female for 
more than a month.  Originally it was because Ranma was feeling guilty over 
what happened during "Those Tears are Pearl", but then I decided to dump 
"Tears" from the TOP continuity, leaving Ranma without any motivation 
whatsoever.  And the motivation was weak to begin with.  I'm still 
struggling to come up with a plausible reason why Ranma wouldn't take a hot 
bath for several week.  If you have any, let me know.

Upshot of it is that I'm still not certain where "Serendipity" fits in, and 
when exactly Kyoko was conceived, and exactly how old everyone is in this 
story.  So I left it deliberately vague.  In my mind, though, Ranma is in 
her late thirties/early forties, and Kentaro is a year or two younger.

> > It might be a long campaign, but Yoko could see that it would be
> > one well worth fighting.
>
>A hopeless one, as seen from the POV of a longtime TOP reader.

Heh, glad you saw it that way.

>it's not easy to make a potential (and willing) "home-wrecker"
>a sympathetic character.

Go visit the "Angelina Joline" board on imdb.com sometime.  You'll see lots 
of discussion about perceived home-wreckers, with vitriolic attacks and 
defenses coming from all sides.

This was a struggle for me.  This is part of why I make her so "Kentaro-ish" 
later on, to try and balance the "home-wrecker" image she gives off early 
on.

> > "If you two don't stop this instant, I will beat you both
> > senseless.  Do you hear me?"
>
>"And you should thank your lucky stars I'm not your grandfather,
>or it'd be a pit of starving cats for the both of you!"

Hehehe.

>I like how you envisioned the kids, though I felt Akio was a bit too
>antagonistic for a seven year-old.

I don't think you've been exposed to enough seven-year-olds.  =)

> > The girl tilted her head.  "Well, that was pretty stupid."
>
>Heh. They need Akane's influence, those two. :P Even
>Ranma (the pre-TOP Ranma, at least) would have apologized
>before saying that.

I was thinking that they're so used to everyone knowing how to use martial 
arts, that someone jumping into the middle of a fight without taking 
elementary precautions would be regarded as stupid.

Plus, it's human nature, especially for children, to deflect blame rather 
than apologize.

>(Which reminds me, it's easy to picture Nodoka and Genma gushing over their
>grandkids. The former, in particular, since she never even _had_ a child to
>gush over at all.)

Yeah, I like this image, too.

> > Yoko slipped out the door and crept along the roof. There
> > was a piece of the building cooling system close to where
> > Dr. Marumoto was standing, and Yoko positioned herself
> > on the far side of it.
>
>I could've sworn that Ranma would have noticed her presence,
>especially so near. If he's shocked to find out later on, it means
>she was in a terrible state of mind at this point.

That's kind of how I justified it to mysef:  that Ranma was very tired from 
her China trip and was in such emotional turmoil that she ignored things 
she'd normally pick up on.

> > "The ladel?  But that would..."
>
>Correction for this and other instances throughout: "ladle"

Odd; wonder why my spell-checker didn't catch this.  It seems to have missed 
a lot, though, I might have accidentally turned it off.  Thanks for catching 
all the spelling stuff.

> > I was engaged to Akane when I got hit with the Kasuifuu.
>
>Correction: Chisui[i]ton. The Kaisuifuu is the kettle.

Oops.

> > "That was the other hospital.  I remember it very well."
>
>"The security guard remembers it very well too."

Hehehe.

> > Why, then, did she feel so wretched?
>
>Good to have that nagging feeling. Without it, the preceding
>paragraph would have come off as callous (which is acceptable
>character development) and redundant (which isn't.) We
>already know that she'd pursue Kentaro at the cost of
>someone else's family, the fact that she'd continue the
>pursuit at the risk of someone's life would have been an
>overstatement of that.  Fortunately, we have the lifeline
>tossed by that last question, keeping her from going over
>the edge and pulling her from a straight two-dimensional
>characterization.

That's the effect what I was hoping for.  I have a horrible time with 
completley unsympathetic characters, which is why I do things like kill 
Cologne, send Kodachi to a mental institution, or ignore Happosai.  So even 
when I'm writing about a potential homewrecker, I have to make her into 
someone who has *some* good in her.

> > Perhaps Yoko could find a way to emulate those qualities enough
> > to bring Dr. Marumoto into her life, bringing the same kind of love
> > he'd shown Ranma.
>
>The quibble that didn't materialize above does apply here. I don't
>think we need this last sentence after the preceding paragraph, which
>ends with a very  similar thought. That, or maybe both sentences could
>be combined into a single one.

Good point.

>Minor nit: I'm not sure an outsider, as it were, would outright call
>it "the art" in casual conversation.

Fair point.  I'll change that.

>Er, even at the hospital? It's fine if they're on a first-name
>basis elsewhere, but I'd think a professional context,
>between a receptionist and a staff doctor, would still require
>the formal address if only for the sake of decorum.

Well, my basis for this is one of my favorite sitcoms, "Scrubs", where 
everyone calls the protagonist "J.D."   I have the DVD's, and one of the 
interviews says that J.D. is based on a real doctor who's a consultant on 
the show and was also known as "J.D." at his hospital.  So in my mind, 
Kentaro is personable enough to allow first-name familiarity with others on 
staff.

Plus I need it for the plot device of giving Yoko false hope.  =)

> > Yoko followed the latter path, trying to take in as
> > much as possible.
>
>Ah, so she wants to defeat the owner in savage combat, I see

Heh.

> > "Welcome to our house, Yoko."  He bowed.  "You gonna try to learn from
> > Mom?"
> >
> > "I hope I am worthy to be instructed by her."
> >
> > Akio scoffed at this.
>
>Indeed :P Either she's picked up the Kentaro Speech Virus (like Akane did
>once,) or she's trying too hard to impress a seven year-old. She shouldn't
>be anywhere near this formal.

A little of both.  I made it a point earlier to emphasize that she has no 
idea how to deal with children.  So she puts on her "adult" face with them, 
treating them as she would Kentaro.

I then contrast this with the end of the story, where she drops the "adult" 
face with Kyoko and plays around with her, including racing her to the Tendo 
home.

I do acknowledge that she does have a bit of the virus.  =)

> > Ranma frowned.  "The correct response is, Yes, Sensei."
>
>Hmm. We know why Ranma's on edge, and thus why she's curt
>towards other people, but at this point Yoko would probably be
>more than a little annoyed.

Well, she's out of her depth.  She's jumped feet first into a world she 
knows nothing about: martial arts.  She's bound to be a bit wide-eyed about 
all the ritual that's required, and more willing than usual to accept 
rebukes.

I do like the idea, though, of hinting at some exasperation in Yoko.

> > "He's got a budget meeting that will likely go very late tonight."
>
>I kinda have the feeling that Yoko should have known that

Another good point.

>I get the feeling that Yoko is the first "normal" woman
>that Kyoko has ever met, even counting Kasumi and
>Nabiki, hence the quick interest in being friends with her.

Also, Yoko, at twenty-four, is far easier for Kyoko to identify with than 
her forty-something aunts.  I remember very clearly how old I thought forty 
was when I was that young.  Being forty myself has added some new 
perspective, of course.  =)

> > Ranma grunted.  "Kyoko is still young.  Young and naive.  She trusts
> > people too much.  She'll grow out of it."
>
>Gah. That's uncharacteristically cynical of her, particularly in light of,
>uh, Kentaro. Must be the stress getting to her.

That's how I meant it, that she was under quite a bit of emotional strain.  
She normally wouldn't say things like that.

> > "That's none of your business."  Ranma's glare had not softened.  "I've
> > known two other people who smiled all the time.  One was Kasumi.  The
> > other was Kodachi.  One was the warmest person I've ever known.  The
> > other was a manipulative beast that tried to destroy my life on several
> > occasions."
>
>o_O Is there a story behind that? Something Kodachi did during the
>locking->college period?

Well, if you read the manga, you'll see Kodachi does do some unbelieveably 
evil things.  (My favorite is when she paralyzes Kuno, rolls him up like 
sushi, and throws him into Midorigame's pool.  How he got out of that is 
never shown.)  I also added a bit in my "Thy Outward Part / The Inward Love" 
crossover about Kodachi having a confrontation with a post-Herb TOP Ranma in 
which they get into a huge fight which ends with Ranma nearly losing control 
and killing Kodachi.

So yeah, TOP Ranma has a very poor opinion of Kodachi.

>I'm not sure about the dialogue in this section. While Yoko's message
>was necessary, both for her to say and for Ranma to hear, the language
>she used throughout was once again far too Kentaro-ish. Not to belittle
>her, but she doesn't seem the type to have the sort of insight, much
>less language skills, that he uses to deliver his speeches.

I had a lot of problems with this part, too.  I thought I was making her 
sound too wise, but then I wondered if I was suffering from reverse ageism 
and thinking that it was impossible for anyone in their early twenties to 
have any wisdom whatsoever.  So I let it be.  But now that I have 
independent confirmation, I'll go back and deKentaroize her a bit.

> >  "May I ask you a question about Sensei Tendo?"
>
>Shouldn't that be "Tendo-sensei"?

Hmm, probably.

> > His beautiful brown eyes were locked on Yoko's,
> > and she wanted to crawl under the floor and die.
>
>Oh, this is going to make Monday mornings at the hospital
>really awkward.

Hehehehe.  They just don't cover situations like this in the Employee 
Handbook.

> > Yoko looked once more at Dr. Marumoto and Ranma, then
> > bowed.  They bowed back, then she turned and left
> > Dr. Marumoto and his wife in peace.
>
>Somehow, I found it fitting that we never do find out, explicitly,
>what happened with the curse. The matter is reasonably open,
>yet the context leads us to believe that it all worked out in the
>end. But since that doesn't immediately concern Yoko's POV,
>the narrative doesn't need to spell it out.

Read my mind.  That's exactly what I intended - that while the curse wearing 
off was needed as a way to drag Yoko into the Tendo Dojo, how that situation 
was resolved wasn't needed at all.

> > "Mom said it's okay to show me.  I can only wear a little bit, and Mom's
> > gotta approve, but she said you'd be the best one to ask what and how
> > much."
> >
> > "She... she did?"
> >
> > "Yeah.  Mom was never a girl like me so she doesn't understand, but she
> > thought you would."
>
>Aww. What about the Tendo sisters?

See above.  Kyoko would want Yoko's advice more because Yoko isn't an "old 
woman" like her aunts are.

> > "Then you try on a face and see if it fits.  If it does,
> > you keep putting it on as long as it feels right."
>
>...you know, with your permission, I think I'm gonna quote
>that in an upcoming fic which deals with a similar issue. ^_^

Cool.  Look forward to seeing it.

>The first quote speaks about choosing a look and making
>yourself up to enhance that, creating a superficial aspect
>that might or might not be real; this one says, "see if it fits,"
>which means that you are comfortable _being_ that way.
>The difference in language is subtle, but the rift in meaning
>is enormous.

Very insightful analysis.  You're able to put into words what I vaguely try 
to convey.  =)

I also wanted to convey that Yoko's playfulness with Kyoko was another "new 
face" she was trying on, an outgrowth of the impulse she felt that led her 
to help Ranma rather than try to destroy her.

>To see Yoko say them in close succession
>works wonderfully, and it's amazing because it fits the
>_original_ character of Ranma perfectly

Heh, I actually didn't think about that.  Good observation.

> > Yoko lifted her head and felt the wind in her face, knowing
> > that her whole life had changed.  In time she'd feel cheerful
> > again.  Tomorrow, or the next day, or maybe even right now.

As an aside, I use this imagery in a lot in my Ranma fanfics because I love 
the song "Mou Nakanaide".  =)

>Now, Yoko's development is a bit skewed. She starts out
>great as an unsympathetic protagonist, yet with
>recognizeable habits and motivations. This is because we're
>constantly aware of her thoughts as the story progresses,
>agreeing with her --when we allow ourselves to share her
>POV as an outsider-- with the conclusions she reaches ,
>and therefore acknowledging the possibilities she sees in
>intruding on that marriage. However, during and after the
>evaluation scene, we lose some of that insight. We get her
>dialogues and actions, but we don't know much about her
>thoughts anymore.  Because of that, I felt that her epiphany
>came too suddenly.

Hmm, valid points all.  I'll look it over and see what I can do.  You're 
right, it does come across as a bit too sudden.

>Hope that didn't sound too nagging ;) I very much enjoyed this installment, 
>as always, especially the kids'
>characterization. Read you later!

I always enjoy intelligent criticism.  Thanks for your kind words, Jorge, 
and for taking the time to do such a thorough evaluation.

-Richard