[FFML] [Ranma][Thy Outward Part] Faces
skychan
skywize at gmail.com
Thu Aug 9 11:24:14 PDT 2007
You forgot to run it through a spell checker and there are a few grammar
errors as well but its a very good story. I was wondering for a moment if
you were going to have poor Yoko fall for Ranma at the end drawing it
outwhile she tried to find a new place. And while I do like the current
ending you could write a great Omake about her snagging Ranma rather than
Keitaro after his curse is fully cured.
As for writing notes I have to agree with Jorge Pratt, she was just a little
TOO poilite and perfect even for attempting to act that way once meeting
Ranma for training. Its okay for her to be that way but I would expect to
see some more internal grumbling than we do. As for later I also missed the
drop off of her internal monologues and agree that a little bit more could
be bennificial, even if they are only highlighting her concerns, both for
Ranma, and at the same time her concerns for catching her husband. I don't
think its unreasonable for her to be thinking both at once.
-------------- next part --------------
An HTML attachment was scrubbed...
URL: http://www.chez-vrolet.net/pipermail/ffml/attachments/20070809/e144c558/attachment.htm
More information about the ffml
mailing list