[FFML] [Ranma][Thy Outward Part] Faces

[Jorge A Pratt]

> What the hell.  This idea has been bouncing around my head and I finally
> put
> it on paper.

Heee! ^_^

>
> We all have a face
> That we hide away forever,
> And we take them out and show ourselves
> When everyone has gone.
>
> Some are satin, some are steel,
> Some are silk, and some are leather.
> They're the faces of the stranger,
> But we love to try them on
>
>           "The Stranger"
>           Billy Joel

Have to say, upon first reading it, I thought the opening quote would
foreshadow Ranma's behavior. In the end, though, it's just like the quote
from your previous work in the sense that it functions on several levels:
not only is it directly relevant to the protagonist (in this case, Yoko,)
but it _does_ work to some degree on Ranma's personality too (and that of
Ranma's family, as well.)

> Faces
>
> by Richard Lawson
>
> ---


> "Good.  Here's your login information."  The woman thrust a sheaf of
> papers
> at Yoko.  "Look it over.  If you have any questions, ask Mary."

Is Mary a reference to something else? I found it noticeable that you'd use
a Western name for the staff of a Japanese hospital.

> The woman who had interviewed her had talked about the wonderful career
> opportunities that could be had at Nerima General.  Yoko had responded
> with
> the appropriate amount of eager zealousness, although privately she didn't
> intend to remain working here for long.

Nice intro to the character: straight and to the point, and we already know
her primary motivation. It's interesting that the fic's POV is settled on
her shoulder, since the first impression she gives is as a shallow person
driven by interest. That way, the narrative will expect us to sympathize
with her to some degree, even if we're at odds with her goals.

> A ring on her
> finger indicated she was married.  This was a great relief to Yoko; she
> wanted to make as many friends as possible amongst the staff here.

Heh! Subtle. :P

> Even as she was deciding this, she saw a man walk in and head directly
> towards her desk.  He was of average height, looked to be somewhere over
> thirty, and was slim and athletic.  More than athletic; as he approached,
> she saw that his entire body was pure muscle, not an ounce of fat
> anywhere,
> obvious even underneath his conservative, professional clothes.

So, now we can see that Ranma's deathly afraid of letting anyone slack off 
like Genma. :P This is twelve years after Serendipity... and that was, what, 
five years or so after the start of TOP? I wonder how much older Kentaro is 
than Yoko

> He walked up and smiled at her.  His eyes were gorgeous, and Yoko fought
> to
> maintain her composure.

Whee, continuity! Great ref to how that was his only feature that Ranma was
genuinely attracted to.

> That didn't necessarily mean all hope was lost.  Yoko watched his
> retreating
> form, which was very pleasant to observe.  She'd have to make a point to
> greet him every day.  Perhaps learn if he drank coffee, what he ate for
> lunch, have those things available to him every day.  And perhaps she
> could
> learn if he was having any problems at home, offer a sympathetic ear.  It
> might be a long campaign, but Yoko could see that it would be one well
> worth
> fighting.

A hopeless one, as seen from the POV of a longtime TOP reader. On the other
hand, her behavior here does inspire some antipathy, surely setting her up
for the big comeuppance later on. It'll be interesting to see how she 
develops --even if she has the advantange of the limited third-person 
perspective, it's not easy to make a potential (and willing) "home-wrecker" 
a sympathetic character.

> But perhaps she wouldn't need to spend too much time making those efforts.
> Yoko found herself opening up Dr. Marumoto's schedule, which was, as
> usual,
> quite full.  Dr. Marumoto was one of the busiest doctors on staff, but
> that
> didn't stop him from greeting her every morning.  She'd even managed to
> engage him in a couple of conversations, from which she'd learned he had
> two
> children.  A comment on how strong his arms looked had led to a
> conversation
> about martial arts.  Yoko knew almost nothing about that, and had done
> some
> research since then.  At the next opportunity, she planned to bring up a
> desire to learn martial arts, and perhaps use whichever sensei he used.

Strange how she didn't learn anything about his wife, here. I'd have guessed
that Kentaro would have mentioned _who_ his sensei was, if only as a
fleeting comment.

> The woman growled, a strange sound Yoko had never heard from her own
> parents.  "If you two don't stop this instant, I will beat you both
> senseless.  Do you hear me?"

"And you should thank your lucky stars I'm not your grandfather, or it'd be
a pit of starving cats for the both of you!"

> shirt.  She was wearing no makeup and had her hair tied into a simple
> ponytail.  She was, like Dr. Marumoto, slim and athletic.  The woman could
> possibly be attractive if she put any effort into it at all.

*snort*snicker*

> Yoko sighed softly.  The sight of Dr. Marumoto with his children was
> beautiful to see.  He clearly loved them, and they just as clearly adored
> him.  Yoko had no immediate plans to have children, and perhaps Dr.
> Marumoto
> wouldn't require any more for a long while.  She'd have to find out what
> he
> thought about that.

Heh. Yep, her characterization is definitely displaying a one-track mind,
and her thoughts imply that she's also either vain about her looks or she
doesn't want to burden herself with the rigors of childbirth --she's not
looking to start a family, and doesn't want to. She just wants  to catch a 
husband.

Particular goals aside, though, it's easy to identify with her planning out 
how to catch his attention, all out of the blue. I'm sure we've all been 
there at some point, to one degree or another.

> Her brief reverie was interrupted by the woman approaching the mass of
> Marumotos.  "Okay, they're yours.  I'm leaving."
>
> "Leaving?"  Dr. Marumoto looked surprised.  "Where?"
>
> "Business," the woman answered shortly.
>
> "Business?"  Dr. Marumoto blinked at her. "What kind of business?"
>
> "The kind of business that's none of yours.  I'll be back in a day or
> two."

Ouch. Again, on first impression, I immediately thought that it was
something distinctly related to Ranma's lifestyle --a brand new challenger,
for instance-- that Kentaro wouldn't be able to cope or keep up with. I can
see how an outside observer would look upon this scene and come out with the
wrong impression.

> Yoko looked in dismay at the woman's retreating form.  So that was Dr.
> Marumoto's wife.  It seemed impossible.  There was nothing at all enticing
> about the woman - she put no effort into her appearance, she was mean and
> acerbic, and didn't seem at all cooperative.  How had she managed to marry
> Dr. Marumoto was beyond Yoko.

I'd comment on Ranma's behavior in this scene, but I'll hold off till the
end, where I can address her characterization more thoroughly.

> The children stared at each other.  Suddenly their bodies stiffened, and
> each dropped into what looked like a martial arts stance.  Warily they
> began
> circling each other.

I like how you envisioned the kids, though I felt Akio was a bit too 
antagonistic for a seven year-old.

> She wasn't certain exactly which one of them punched her in the abdomen.
> All Yoko knew was that suddenly she couldn't breathe.  Pain radiated
> throughout her stomach and back.  Her eyes bulging, Yoko staggered and
> fell
> backwards into her chair.

OW! I know I'm horrible for laughing at this, but... XD And it was only one
of the kids that struck her. O_o

> Yoko tossed the tissue in the wastebasket and looked over at the children.
> They had stopped fighting and were both watching her carefully.
>
> The girl tilted her head.  "Well, that was pretty stupid."

Heh. They need Akane's influence, those two. :P Even Ranma (the pre-TOP 
Ranma, at least) would have apologized before saying that.

> After picking up his children to
> take them to their grandmother, Dr. Marumoto hadn't spoken to her, only
> smiled as he walked past the busy reception desk each morning.

(Which reminds me, it's easy to picture Nodoka and Genma gushing over their
grandkids. The former, in particular, since she never even _had_ a child to
gush over at all.)

> Yoko tried to think of a good conversation starter, something to put the
> woman at her ease.  "I apologize.  Did Dr. Marumoto call you 'Ranma'?"
>
> "Yes.  But that's okay, it only happens to be my name."

Whoa, snippy.

> If Dr. Marumoto's wife wanted a private conversation, there was only one
> place other than his office she might go in this hospital.  Yoko took the
> stairs all the way to the roof.  She quietly opened the door and surveyed
> the scene.  She saw Dr. Marumoto and his wife standing side by side,
> looking
> out over Nerima.  Yoko slipped out the door and crept along the roof.
> There
> was a piece of the building cooling system close to where Dr. Marumoto was
> standing, and Yoko positioned herself on the far side of it.

I could've sworn that Ranma would have noticed her presence, especially so
near. If he's shocked to find out later on, it means she was in a terrible
state of mind at this point.

> "It's not that it happened, it's that it's been happening.  Been happening
> for a while."
>
> "What?"
>
> "It's... I... I think the curse is wearing off."

O_O Way to drop a bombshell.

> "Did... did they have any idea what can be done?"
>
> "The Guide thought maybe I should use the Chisuiton again."
>
> "The ladel?  But that would..."

Correction for this and other instances throughout: "ladle"

> Ranma's voice also sounded slightly muffled, as if the two of them were
> hugging.  She sounded sad and afraid.  "I wanted to spare you this.  I
> wanted it to be all better before I told you.  I never want to leave you."
>
> "You won't.  No matter what, I'll be with you."
>
> "No."  Ranma's voice became clearer, as if she was breaking the hug.
> "If...
> if the curse wears off, we can't... stay married.  It just won't be
> possible.  Mom wouldn't put up with it."

Oh, Nodoka would have kittens, no doubt about it. I'd worry about her mental
state if it were to happen.

> "Kentaro... that's sweet and noble, really it is.  And I have no doubt
> that
> you mean it.  But I've already lived through something like this.  Don't
> forget, I was engaged to Akane when I got hit with the Kasuifuu.

Correction: Chisui[i]ton. The Kaisuifuu is the kettle.

> "Hmm..."  Ranma's voice was mishievous now.

Correction: "mischievous"

>"Wasn't it here that we
> conceived Kyoko?"

*falls over*

> "That was the other hospital.  I remember it very well."

"The security guard remembers it very well too."

> "Whoever it was knew enough about the curse to control it.  Maybe we
> should
> approach Herb openly, rather than sneaking in.  Ask him what his people
> know."
>
> "That's... not a good idea.  You have no idea how powerful he is, and how
> much he hates me."
>
> "Then I'll talk to him.  It doesn't have to be a fight."

Yes, because Herb is such an agreeable diplomat :P

> "We'll see."  Ranma sighed heavily.  "It's already starting, just like it
> did back then.  The wild plans, the false hope.  Funny how it's all come
> full circle."

Strangely, it's refreshing to see it happen through the eyes of an outsider.
Had the narrative chosen to follow Ranma et al from within their inner
circle, it would have been an interesting enough premise. By looking at it
from the outside in, we can focus more on the characters and their
development than the technical minutiae (why the curse is fading, the
mystical explanation for it, how it can be "restored,") which isn't really
the point of the story anyway.

>
> The upshot of it all was that there was a very good chance Dr. Marumoto
> was
> going to be single in the near future.  Whatever was happeing to his wife,
> it spelled the end of his marriage and would leave a window of opportunity
> available for Yoko.  It was everything she could have hoped from this
> conversation.
>
> Why, then, did she feel so wretched?

Good to have that nagging feeling. Without it, the preceding paragraph would
have come off as callous (which is acceptable character development) and
redundant (which isn't.) We already know that she'd pursue Kentaro at the
cost of someone else's family, the fact that she'd continue the pursuit at
the risk of someone's life would have been an overstatement of that.
Fortunately, we have the lifeline tossed by that last question, keeping her
from going over the edge and pulling her from a straight two-dimensional
characterization.

> What she was going to do with that information, she wasn't exactly
> certain.
> What she held on to most strongly from the conversation was they way they
> talked to each other when they'd briefly hugged.  It had been full of such
> love, such strong emotion.  Yoko wanted something like that, wanted
> someone
> to love her like that.  Perhaps in finding out what was happening to
> Ranma,
> she could discover what it was in her that Dr. Marumoto loved so much.
>
> Perhaps Yoko could find a way to emulate those qualities enough to bring
> Dr.
> Marumoto into her life, bringing the same kind of love he'd shown Ranma.

The quibble that didn't materialize above does apply here. I don't think we 
need this last sentence after the preceding paragraph, which ends with a 
very  similar thought. That, or maybe both sentences could be combined into 
a single one.

> Yoko scribbled a few more notes and shook her head.  This didn't appear to
> be getting her anywhere.  She flipped back through the pages she'd
> written.
> So far, the only hypothesis that seemed sustainable was that Ranma was in
> fact the ghost of a drowned girl that was somehow brought back to life.

Heh! XD

> The other problem was that this was all cearly ridiculous, and that Yoko
> was

Correction: "clearly"

> Yoko had prepared for this question, and was able to recover enough of her
> wits to try and give one of her answers.  "I wasn't until I met your
> children.  They enjoy it so much, and they seem so enthusiastic about it,
> I
> thought that perhaps I'd like to learn more from them.  It would be so
> nice
> to share their love for the art."

Minor nit: I'm not sure an outsider, as it were, would outright call it "the 
art" in casual conversation. Especially in this bit of dialogue, where it 
sounds pointed and deliberate. An "It would be so nice to share their love 
for it" sounds more natural, since she's not an adept.

> He smiled, a warm smile that almost made her melt on the spot.
> "Wonderful.
> But please, why don't you call me Kentaro.  I'd hate to have anyone
> training
> in the dojo at my home calling me, 'Dr. Marumoto'."
>
> Yoko felt her chest tighten.  In all her planning and scheming, somehow it
> hadn't occurred to her that she might actually succeed.  This level of
> familiarity with Dr. Marumoto... it was a signficant step forward.  Her
> heart began beating rapidly; if she could accomplish this, what more might
> she achieve with him?  "As you wish... Kentaro."

Er, even at the hospital? It's fine if they're on a first-name basis 
elsewhere, but I'd think a professional context, between a receptionist and 
a staff doctor, would still require the formal address if only for the sake 
of decorum.

> She found two paths on the other side.  One led to the front door of a
> very
> nice-looking house.  The other led behind the house to the dojo if the
> signs
> were to be believed.  Yoko followed the latter path, trying to take in as
> much as possible.

Ah, so she wants to defeat the owner in savage combat, I see

> The house looked very nice, the surrounding landscape
> very tasefully arranged.  Yoko could very easily imagine herself living
> here.

..........

Yyyyyyeah, I don't think so.

> The dojo was in the back yard, next to a pool.  Yoko stopped and looked
> into
> the pool, seeing several large koi swimming about.  That didn't exactly
> thrill her; living things were always messy to take care of.  She wondered
> what Dr. Marumoto thought of them.

Whoa, she really is quite egocentric, isn't she? :P

> "Welcome to our house, Yoko."  He bowed.  "You gonna try to learn from
> Mom?"
>
> "I hope I am worthy to be instructed by her."
>
> Akio scoffed at this.

Indeed :P Either she's picked up the Kentaro Speech Virus (like Akane did 
once,) or she's trying too hard to impress a seven year-old. She shouldn't 
be anywhere near this formal.

> a
> banner hung displaying a motto:  "Keep your mind open and your body ready,
> and there is no enemy that can overcome you."

Heh.

> Yoko stood nervously as Ranma walked around her.  Gently but firmly, Ranma
> moved Yoko's arms into a kind of akimbo position.  She widened Yoko's
> stance, then stood in front of her, looking into Yoko's eyes.  "Remember
> that position.  You will stand that way unless I tell you otherwise."
>
> Yoko nodded.
>
> Ranma frowned.  "The correct response is, Yes, Sensei."
>
> "Y-yes, Sensei."

Hmm. We know why Ranma's on edge, and thus why she's curt towards other
people, but at this point Yoko would probably be more than a little annoyed.
She doesn't _really_ want to be there, she's there with a very specific
purpose that has nothing to do with learning martial arts, much less from
her "rival." I don't see her as a weak-willed character, either, so if she
hesitates it shouldn't be because Ranma intimidates her, but because she's
exasperated with having to deal with such a rude person.

Kentaro fell in line with the whole "Call me Sensei" thing because he _was_
impressed with her skill and he did want to learn from her, even if his
attraction to her was at the forefront. I don't see Yoko, who has no such
interests, acquiescing so easily.

> A hard woman, in many ways.  Again, Yoko marveled that Dr. Marumoto could
> love Ranma.  But he clearly did, and perhaps something like this hardness
> was what Yoko needed to learn.  She smiled encouraginly.  "I do not wish
> to
> learn from anyone else.  I would very much like to learn from you,
> Sensei."

Correction: "encouragingly"

> Yoko bowed.  Ranma bowed back.  Then she spent the next hour physcially
> abusing Yoko.

Correction: "physically"

> Grimly, Yoko stuck with it.  Whatever this woman dished out, Yoko was
> determined that she could take it.  She fantasized that Dr. Marumoto was
> looking on through some remote hidden camera, and was admiring Yoko's grit
> and determination.  That actually helped quite a bit in getting through
> some
> of the more deamnding stretches that Ranma ordered.

Correction: "demanding"

> At the end of the hour, Yoko was once again standing with arms slightly
> akimbo, smiling at Ranma.  Ranma was frowning back, looking more puzzled
> than anything.  "Well, you certainly have the willingness."
>
> Yoko widened her smile.  "I enjoyed learning from you, Sensei."

Did she really? Maybe we need a small look into her thoughts, here. It's
perfectly possible she's figured that Kentaro likes Ranma as the martial
artist, and that has inspired a real desire to learn. That would be in
conflict with the following paragraphs, though. :/

> While this was happening, Yoko found her eyes roaming around the office.
> Rather asture; no pictures of her family, no real decorations.

Correction: "austere"

> Some
> certifications and a college diploma were hung on the walls, but that was
> it.  Yoko wondered if Ranma had any sentimentality at all.

In Ranma's defense, if her office is in her house, she doesn't really need
to have pictures of her family there ^_^

> She looked around the table and saw that no other place was set.  "Will
> Dr.
> Marumoto be joining us?"
>
> "No."  Ranma was eating with no great enthusiasm, and seemed to be
> spending
> most of her time critically eyeing her children.  "He's got a budget
> meeting
> that will likely go very late tonight."

I kinda have the feeling that Yoko should have known that, seeing how she
has access to his schedule and all. Also, given her primary motivation, it's
not unlikely she'd have checked his calendar to see if he would be there for
dinner (even if only to spend more time with him.)

> She was narrowing in on subjects Yoko preferred not to air in front of
> Ranma.  "I have just started a new job, and I've just started taking
> lessons
> from your mother.  Once I feel comfortable with both of those things, I
> can
> consider trying to find a boyfriend.  Right now, though, I have enough
> concerns."

Hm. Yep, she speaks the same way Kentaro does. Altogether _too_ diplomatic.

> "I do like you, Kyoko."  Yoko reached over and patted her hand.  "But I am
> not your mother.  She knows far better than I do what is best for you."
>
> "Yes, she does."  Ranma's voice was hard and unyielding.  "And she doesn't
> think much of children who try to undercut their mother's authority in
> front
> of strangers."

Ouch, Ranma :(

> Ranma chuckled.  "Don't get the idea my dojo sessions are anything like
> that.  It's serious work we do there."
>
> "But you enjoy it.  And I suspect your students do as well.  I look
> forward
> to experiencing that joy myself."

Sorry to repeat myself, but... ^_^; That DOES sound like something that an
early-TOP Kentaro would have said, to the letter.

>
> As she made her way home in Ranma's borrowed clothes,

Heeeee! Excellent symbolism. Good deal pointing it out.

> a few minutes.  There had been no more dinner invitations, but Kyoko had
> sensed that another was not too much longer in coming.  Kyoko seemed to
> genuinely like Yoko.

I get the feeling that Yoko is the first "normal" woman that Kyoko has ever
met, even counting Kasumi and Nabiki, hence the quick interest in being
friends with her.

> "You have to try."  Kyoko grabbed Yoko's hand.  "Please, Yoko.  I hate to
> see Mom so sad.  Make her happy again."

Awww :(

>
> Ranma grunted.  "Kyoko is still young.  Young and naive.  She trusts
> people
> too much.  She'll grow out of it."

Gah. That's uncharacteristically cynical of her, particularly in light of, 
uh, Kentaro. Must be the stress getting to her.

> Ranma glared at Kyoko.  "Remember when I gave you your evaluation?  You
> were
> smiling at the end.  No one's ever done that before."
>
> "Not even your husband?"
>
> Ranma laughed once.  "Especially not my husband.  His was the hardest I
> ever
> gave."

"We can try to top that, though. Just let me jump onto the top of your head 
while you do laps..."

> "That's none of your business."  Ranma's glare had not softened.  "I've
> known two other people who smiled all the time.  One was Kasumi.  The
> other
> was Kodachi.  One was the warmest person I've ever known.  The other was a
> manipulative beast that tried to destroy my life on several occasions."

o_O Is there a story behind that? Something Kodachi did during the 
locking->college period?

> Yoko drew a deep breath.  She was walking a razor's edge here.  And yet,
> the
> opportunity was extraordinary.  "I am willing to take that risk, Sensei,
> if
> you would tell me what the problem is."
>
> Ranma smiled without humor.  "Oh no.  I ain't gonna tell you that, not
> now,
> not ever.  First of all, it's a family secret, and second, you'd never
> believe me."
>
> Yoko smiled.  "Try me."

*checks the Okawara family tree for any branches that lead into the Marumoto
tree*

That aside, it's ironic that Yoko IS taking up the same role Kenny-boy took
way back when, albeit unwittingly.

> "Because... because you can be a woman so effortlessly."  Ranma held her
> breath for a few seconds in an evident attempt to keep from sobbing.
> "You're everything I'm not.  Young, pretty, nice, friendly.  And... and
> the
> more time passes, the less like you I'm going to become until... until I'm
> useless to my entire family."
>
> Yoko's jaw dropped open.  "Sensei!  How can you say that?  Don't you see
> how
> much your children care for you?  You are the most important person in
> their
> lives, they need you!"

Without looking into her thoughts, her proclamation comes off as slightly
sudden. Maybe she surprised herself saying that?

> Ranma grunted.  "Maybe there is something you can do for me."
>
> Yoko raised her eyebrows.  "Oh?"
>
> "Yeah.  Marry Kentaro."
>
> This time Yoko's jaw stayed dropped.  All she could do is gape at Ranma.

*gapes too*


> Ranma stared blankly at Yoko and seemed unable to form a reply.
>
> Bowing, Yoko rose to her feet.  "I'll leave you to think that over.  I
> hope
> I've helped, Sensei."

I'm not sure about the dialogue in this section. While Yoko's message was 
necessary, both for her to say and for Ranma to hear, the language she used 
throughout was once again far too Kentaro-ish. Not to belittle her, but she 
doesn't seem the type to have the sort of insight, much less language 
skills, that he uses to deliver his speeches.


> What the hell had she just done?  Her best chance at Dr. Marumoto, an
> unexpected ally in Ranma herself, and instead of using that, she'd gone
> and
> decided to play the part of some stupid wise-sounding marriage counselor.

It did come off as sudden. More on this later.

> Ranma wasn't here.  Instead, a man in a gi stood in front of the
> classroom,
> eyeing the arriving students with something that looked a little like
> apprehension.

Eek. Hope the experiment works.

> Dr. Marumoto, an average-looking man with a good build, was attractive.
> This man, with a handsome face on an even better build, was devastatingly
> handsome.  Yoko found her eyes wandering over his body more than was
> strictly polite.

...and Ranma, noticing, thought, "Oh no, not another suitor!"

> It was thoughts of her that sobered Yoko.  It sounded as if what she was
> afraid of - the "curse" wearing off - had finally happened.  What she and
> her children were going through made Yoko a little afraid.  She hoped
> everything was all right.

Hmmm...

> "Yo, Sensei."  That seemed to be the standard form of greeting in this
> dojo.
>  "May I ask you a question about Sensei Tendo?"

Shouldn't that be "Tendo-sensei"?

> "I... I'm tired of..."  Tired of feeling two ways about everything, tired
> of
> feeling hope and despair over every development.  She had no idea how to
> articulate it, and could only splutter.  "Tell her... tell her she
> shouldn't
> thank me.  I, I was Kodachi all along."

Uh-oh. Here it comes.

> "Isn't it obvious?  Can't everyone see?"  She was losing control of
> something but found she didn't much care.  "I was trying to steal her
> husband away from her!  That's why I was nice to her children, that's why
> I
> took classes from her, that's why I stayed for dinner.  I wanted to find
> out
> everything about her so I could take it all away!"
>
> Complete surprise was on Saotome's face.  Surprise, and a building anger.
> "You were after Kentaro all along?"

You know, it was at this point that I was afraid Ranma would decide that 
Yoko's advice was worthless and that he never should have listened to her, 
somehow _really_ nullifying the curse for good.

> "No I'm not."  Yoko shook her head violently.  "I'm not a nice person."
>
> "I disagree.  I think you're an extraordinarily nice person."
>
> Yoko blanched.  She turned to see Dr. Marumoto standing in the doorway of
> the dojo, wearing a gi.  His beautiful brown eyes were locked on Yoko's,
> and
> she wanted to crawl under the floor and die.

Oh, this is going to make Monday mornings at the hospital really awkward.

> Yoko bowed, turned away from the banner, took a step towards the dojo
> door,
> and stopped.  Dr. Marumoto was staring into Saotome's eyes.  His
> expression
> was one of tenderness, and he had his hand gently clasping the other man's
> forearm.  For his part, Saotome was looking back at him with a peculiar
> intensity, an expression that looked familiar.
>
> And Yoko's brain exploded.

XD


> Yoko plunged on.  "That's why Jusenkyo was dangerous!  Pool of Drowned
> Girl... that's what it did, that's what it meant, it was a curse that
> turned
> you into a woman!  You... somehow the curse grew more powerful, it locked
> you as a woman... oh!  You were jealous I could be a woman so
> effortlessly,
> that's why, because you were afraid the curse was wearing off!  It makes
> so
> much sense, now I understand everything!"

Well, she's not Kodachi --Kodachi never figured it out on her own :P

For that matter, she also has Kuno and Nodoka beat in that regard. ^_^

> Dr. Marumoto looked pale.  "Yoko, how...?  I don't... did my children-"
>
> "She was listening."  Ranma's eyes had narrowed.  "On the roof, she
> followed
> us and listened."

Ah, so Ranma _may_ have felt her presence on the roof, but either ignored it 
or didn't bother herself with it. Otherwise, he'd probably wonder _how_ Yoko 
could know about Jusenkyo before considering the possibility of her 
eavesdropping.

> Ranma nodded and released her gi.  "And I forgive you.  I mean, hell, you
> ended up helping me out a lot, I shouldn't really get mad at you for why
> you
> did it."
>
> "She shouldn't get mad, but she will."  Dr. Marumoto's voice contained a
> hint of humor and relief.  "I'd be careful the next time she trains you."

Heh!

> Ranma turned his head and frowned.  "Why aren't you mad at her?"
>
> Dr. Marumoto chuckled.  "Because she never stood a chance of taking me
> away
> from you.  And you know that too, that's why you're not really angry at
> her
> either."

"And it always does your ego good to see two women fighting over you. ;) "

> "Hey."  Ranma gripped Yoko's shoulder.  "Listen to me.  You're not
> Kodachi.
> You may have wanted to be, but I think the Kasumi in you kept it from
> happening.  Don't get depressed just because you discovered that you're a
> nice person after all."
>
> Yoko smiled wryly.  "Someday you'll have to tell me who those people are."
>
> "Someday I will."  Ranma squeezed Yoko's shoulder tightly, then released
> her
> grip.

Considering Kasumi probably comes over every now and then, that's not going 
to take very long.

> Yoko looked once more at Dr. Marumoto and Ranma, then bowed.  They bowed
> back, then she turned and left Dr. Marumoto and his wife in peace.

Somehow, I found it fitting that we never do find out, explicitly, what 
happened with the curse. The matter is reasonably open, yet the context 
leads us to believe that it all worked out in the end. But since that 
doesn't immediately concern Yoko's POV, the narrative doesn't need to spell 
it out.

> Yoko grinned back at her.  "Whichever look you choose, you can make
> yourself
> up to emphasize that look."

Ah, this is a good quote. But it works in combination with a line she has 
later; this one describes the first half of the fic, as Yoko decides she 
wants to present herself as desirable marriage material, and therefore she 
dresses up (and acts) for the part.

> "Mom said it's okay to show me.  I can only wear a little bit, and Mom's
> gotta approve, but she said you'd be the best one to ask what and how
> much."
>
> "She... she did?"
>
> "Yeah.  Mom was never a girl like me so she doesn't understand, but she
> thought you would."

Aww. What about the Tendo sisters? Again, gives me the impression that Yoko 
is really the only "normal" female friend Kyoko has made, for a variety of 
reasons. And since all the adults are so focused on aspects of their lives 
that they're likely very intense about (like Ranma and the Art,) Yoko could 
probably be a more ordinary, down-to-earth role model.

> "Who you are is much more than your name.  Who are is what you decide to
> do,
> how you choose to interact with the rest of the world.  Once you've
> decided
> that, then you can decide on which face you want to use."
>
> "Oh."  Kyoko frowned uncertainly.  "What if you don't know who you are?"
>
> What indeed.  That question had been looming in Yoko's mind all day.  She
> drew a deep breath and finally chose an answer.  "Then you try on a face
> and
> see if it fits.  If it does, you keep putting it on as long as it feels
> right."

...you know, with your permission, I think I'm gonna quote that in an 
upcoming fic which deals with a similar issue. ^_^

(On second thought, it's not just Yoko's reply that is quotable material. 
That whole bit up there is very good.)

This is also the other quote that works in combination with the one above. 
Whereas the previous one speaks of appearances and facades, appropriate to 
Yoko and Ranma (the pre-Chiisuiton Ranma,) this one conveys a sense of 
finding oneself and becoming that person, which is very much in tune with 
both characters' evolution by the end. The first quote speaks about choosing 
a look and making yourself up to enhance that, creating a superficial aspect 
that might or might not be real; this one says, "see if it fits," which 
means that you are comfortable _being_ that way. The difference in language 
is subtle, but the rift in meaning is enormous. To see Yoko say them in 
close succession works wonderfully, and it's amazing because it fits the 
_original_ character of Ranma perfectly (to say nothing of TOPverse Ranma.)

> Yoko lifted her head and felt the wind in her face, knowing that her whole
> life had changed.  In time she'd feel cheerful again.  Tomorrow, or the
> next
> day, or maybe even right now.
>
> The smile came, and it felt natural and good, and Yoko knew she'd never
> again use it as a face.
>
> Laughing, Yoko increased her pace, and ran with Kyoko through the streets
> of
> Nerima.

Aww :)

All right, that was a nice little vignette that fleshes out the family 
through an outsider's eyes. It was difficult to read Ranma's attitude for 
the first parts through to the climax. After the extremely brief interaction 
she had with Kyoko in _Definitions of Hell_, I kept expecting to see the 
family unfold in a happier setting. It was obvious, though, that she's 
extremely worried about her problem, even reverting to her defensive stance 
from college. And one can see why: from her dialogues with Kentaro and Yoko, 
I understand that she's deathly afraid of putting her family through that 
same kind of pain, more so because she knows they wouldn't leave her.

Now, Yoko's development is a bit skewed. She starts out great as an 
unsympathetic protagonist, yet with recognizeable habits and motivations. 
This is because ee're constantly aware of her thoughts as the story 
progresses, agreeing with her --when we allow ourselves to share her POV as 
an outsider-- with the conclusions she reaches ,and therefore acknowledging 
the possibilities she sees in intruding on that marriage. However, during 
and after the evaluation scene, we lose some of that insight. We get her 
dialogues and actions, but we don't know much about her thoughts anymore. 
Because of that, I felt that her epiphany came too suddenly. A good deal of 
Yoko's speech to Ranma sounds like it should come from someone who actively 
cares about her well-being, even though instants earlier she was still 
considering faking a disease to get Kentaro's attention. I don't think this 
is wrong, but we don't know what change she went through, if any, during 
those six weeks of training and familiarizing herself with Ranma that would 
enable such a reaction. Like I said earlier in the C&C, maybe we need to 
regain that insight into her mind that the earlier half of the fic allowed 
us, so we can understand how she shifts from her initial 
characterization --that of a woman determined on catching a husband at 
whatever cost-- to someone conflicted and torn between her ambition and her 
genuine concern for those she might end up hurting.

Also, consider the earlier comments about her use of language. She 
rationalized Ranma's concerns with Kentaro's very own style, even if the fic 
(and Ranma) needs her to serve a similar purpose.

Hope that didn't sound too nagging ;) I very much enjoyed this installment, 
as always, especially the kids' characterization. Read you later!


-- 
Jorge A. Pratt
jorgepratt at prodigy.net.mx
terbril at rocketmail.com