[FFML] [Naruto] One Hundred Days - Chapter Sixteen: The Hundredth Day

[Aaron Nowack]

Apologies for the delay in response.  Usual assumption that anything I
don't respond to is some variant of "will (try to) fix" applies.

Eimii wrote:
> Without further ado...
> 
>>       Naruto's eyes flicked between the two blood-and-chakra foxes
> 
> Yet another instance of 'flicked'...

Bleh.  I've mentioned word re-use as one of my flaws, and the fact that
the latter half of this chapter was written in small fragments didn't
help.  Thanks for catching these.

>> that slowly advanced on him.  The foul water beneath his feet stirred,
>> disturbed by the power still emanating from the massive gates before
>> Naruto.  Behind those gates, the immense bulk of the demon fox Kyuubi
>> waited, its anticipation filling the still, warm air like a physical
>> presence.
> 
> What sort of physical presence? I would have to think that
> anticipation would have a different feel from, say, menace...

Hmm.  Good point; any wording suggestions?

>>       The fox seemed to shatter and the whirling orb of chakra hit it,
>> streams of crimson flying through the air as it broke apart.  Panting,
>> Naruto landed on the water, turning to face the remaining fox.
>>       Then his eyes widened, as even without turning around he could
>> feel the first fox reforming behind him.  His hand reached for a weapon
>> that wasn't there, and an instant later the two foxes pounced on him.
>> Naruto vanished in an explosion of smoke.
> 
> One has to wonder, if this is a 'dream' and Naruto forms his own
> self-image in dreams- to the point that he can use his normal
> techniques, why would he imagine himself unarmed? Or is this some sort
> of 'other dimension' as Orochimaru termed his 'internal space'... and
> if that is the case, if clothing exists here, why not weapons?

...another good point.  I could handwave about weapons not being part of
his self-image like his clothing is, but... well, that wouldn't make
character sense.  Will fix.

>>       The foxes spun about, easily finding the real Naruto perched on
>> a wall.  "Damn it," the ninja muttered, his mind racing for options.
> 
> Heh, 'real' seems like kind of a stretch, here, but i'm probably just
> overthinking...

Probably.  ;)


>>       Naruto glanced back at the entrance again, remembering the two-
>> tailed fox that had vanished down that dark hall.  "For me, just as for
>> you," the demon had said, "the only way out is through."  His eyes
>> returned to the foxes prowling below, and then he moved.
> 
> That statement rings kind of odd, unless it just means 'through the
> gate,' as the other fox ran off through the corridors. If it means
> 'Through me' with 'me' referring to the Kyuubi, then why would it need
> the 'for me as well' part? If it means 'the only way out for one is
> through the other'... it still makes the two-tailed fox's exit seem a
> bit odd. If it means different things at different times, then...
> <shrug>

The only way out is by getting past the other, pretty much.  It's a
representation of the fact that they both have some control over the seal.

> Also, i suppose this isn't the only way out anymore for Kyuubi...

Not sure what you mean here.

>>       "Shut up," Naruto said.  "The only way out is through for you
>> too; that's what you said, isn't it?"
>>       "This is only a temporary reprieve, and when I am free," the
>> Kyuubi promised, "you will beg for the release of death before I am
>> through with you."
>>       "I just have to let you take me out," Naruto finished, smiling,
>> and then at his command the crimson chakra lifted him up and -
> 
> As above, i'm not sure i follow the line of reasoning here.

Hmm.  I'll try to play with it some and see if I can't make it more clear.

>>       "If I... if we didn't mean anything to you," Sakura said,
>> "wouldn't you kill me anyway?"
>>       Sasuke snorted.  "You're more valuable alive as fodder for
>> Kabuto's experiments."
>>       "Experi-" If Sakura's blood had been chilled before, it was
>> freezing now.
> 
> If it's just a threat, then i guess it's just a threat, but if he
> actually believes that she'd be useful to Kabuto, and that's why he
> hasn't killed her yet... his reasoning is a bit odd O_o;. It's hard to
> picture him sparing her just for Kabuto, when killing her would be a
> pretty 'final' way of breaking his old ties, and his esteem of her is
> so low that one has to wonder how he thinks she could be useful...

He thinks turning her over to Kabuto would be worse than killing her,
and has convinced himself that doing that instead shows that he's broken
his bonds more thoroughly.

>>       Sakura kept on moving, and almost managed to hit Sasuke with her
>> kunai, but he batted the blow aside.  A palm-strike forced the kunoichi
>> back, and Sasuke snorted.  "Clever.  Using that technique to cloak a
>> replication, then hiding yourself in the replication's image."
> 
> Buh? Were there one or two replications here? Also, doesn't he
> precious sharingan just sweep away all genjutsu?

I need to come up with a better way to word it, but what happens is that
Sakura creates a Perfect Replication, uses the Displacement Technique to
make the replication appear to be slightly to one of side of where it
"really" is (to the extent that a genjutsu is really anywhere), then
stands exactly where the replication appears to be.

Sasuke's Sharingan sees through the Displacement Technique, and he's
contemptuous enough of her that he doesn't look more closely at first.

>>       A massive snake - larger than a grown man - appeared out of the
>> cloud of white smoke and hurled itself at Sasuke.  The boy's hands moved
>> through, and there was a pulse of power as the snake collided with him.
> 
> Moved through what?

Seals, I think.

>>       Sakura nodded, as Sasuke wrenched his arm free and leapt back.
>> "I'm fine," she said, taking a deep breath and trying to keep from
>> shaking.
> 
> She's just summoned a snake larger than anything she's ever summoned
> before, and she was already sort of staggering about earlier. Should
> she not be pretty wasted by this point?

True.

>>       "I figured your ability had to have an exploitable weakness.
>> Otherwise your clan would be more famous."  Jabisen began to try to
>> crawl away, only to be snared by Shikamaru's shadow.  "Then I noticed
>> that you were channeling the sound around you to make your attacks, and
>> the rest was simple.  If the sound was too chaotic, too unexpected, too
>> loud - like a nearby battle or some carefully timed explosions - you
>> couldn't handle it and you got hurt."
> 
> If it's a bloodline, though, why didn't his sister use the same sorts
> of attacks? And if the power of them is only a result of his cursed
> seal, then why would they be famous (if not for the weakness)?

She didn't inherit the Bloodline (part of why she was disposable).

>>       Naruto knelt, both hands pressed to the ground, and the rubble
>> of his last technique shifted.  A massive, muddy barrier sprung into
>> being, blocking Sasuke's charge.  With another snort, the traitor jumped
>> once more, hardly slowing as he vaulted over the wall.
> 
> Would a mud barrier stop the Chidori? According to canon, Lightning
> beats earth...

Later canon that doesn't apply to this fic.  ;)

Also, it wouldn't "stop" the Chidori; Sasuke's hand would certainly
penetrate it.  But it the Chidori's a fairly small technique, the whole
wall wouldn't be destroyed by it.


>>       "If that's what it takes to accomplish my purpose," Sasuke said.
>> "I've already severed my bonds with you.  With all of the Leaf Village."
>> He took a deep breath, and dark, flame-like markings began to spread
>> across his skin once more.  "You mean nothing to me anymore, and if you
>> persist in annoying me I'll kill you both."
> 
> Wasn't he already going to kill them both?

Yup.  He's repeating (and possibly trying to convince) himself.

>>       "Got you," Naruto growled, for just an instant his eyes flashing
>> red.
>>       Sasuke snorted, for the moment not resisting.  His eyes barely
>> moved as Sakura joined the two.  "Is that really all you've improved,
>> dead last?" he asked.  The cursed seal's taint writhed over his skin.
>> "I guess that thing inside of you is your only real strength."
> 
> Says the guy leaning constantly on his cursed seal...

No one ever accused Sasuke of being fair. :)

>>       Sasuke parried the punch with a perfect block.  "Leaf Shadow
>> Dance," he observed, then blocked another attack.  "Trying to use my own
>> technique against me?  Foolish."  He caught Sakura's next blow, and
> 
> It's not his, though, it's Gai's ^_^;... Man, he's getting a big head, lately...

He's referring to the Lion Combo that the Leaf Shadow Dance sets up.

> Not much to say about the rest of the fight scene. It was well done
> (as far as i could see), and unexpected at parts, though i still
> wonder why Sakura isn't more tired. Did she have a soldier pill at
> some point?

She probably will in the next draft.

>>       All around the trio of genin was war, and it was like nothing
>> they had seen before.  They had fought before, and they had killed
>> before.  They had participated in the still-bloody, still-deadly
>> replacement for war that was the Chuunin Exams.  But never before had
>> they seen hundreds - thousands - of ninja, from lowly genin to the
>> mightiest jounin, unleashing their most powerful techniques with deadly
>> intent.
> 
> Well, Shino has; he was awake for the one-day war between the Leaf and
> the Sound.

He was out in the forest and only saw a few small skirmishes, though.
He wasn't in the village for the big battles.

>>       "It isn't possible!" Orochimaru shouted.  "I tested you; I
>> tested your brother; I tested your father; I tested every blood relative
>> of yours in the village!  I dug up and sampled every corpse in your
>> family's graveyard!  None of you shared the First's unique abilities!
>> None of you!"
> 
> Busy little grave robber, in'nt 'e?

Yup.  And (for once in this chapter) actually consistent with later
canon, given that we learn that he was indeed playing around with the
First's genetics while he was in the Leaf Village.

>>       "We didn't," Tsunade agreed, "though perhaps if my father had
>> been born later in Grandfather's life it would have become a Bloodline
>> Technique."
>>       "The abilities must have been acquired after your father's
>> birth, then," Orochimaru murmured.  "Then, you..."
> 
> Interesting... so by this, i take it you're postulating that bloodline
> techniques become that way through use, somehow. I've sort of operated
> under the assumption that they're the result of some form of
> deliberate meddling or breeding.

Well, it is deliberate meddling of a sort, just that the First did
whatever he did to gain the "bloodline" after Tsunade's father was born,
so he couldn't inherit it.

>>       "Fascinating," Orochimaru breathed.  "More of a reincarnation
>> technique then a resurrection technique.  You use wood element
>> ninjutsu's ability to create life to remove the need for a sacrifice,
>> binding their spirits to the new trees.  No doubt originally designed to
>> put ghosts and other disturbed spirits to rest.  I've never seen
>> anything quite like it."
> 
> One wonders if it would work on demons...

Quite possibly another use of it (and perhaps related to the techniques
used by Yamato in the manga to restrain Naruto).

I doubt it would be strong enough to seal away permanently an unwilling
demon as powerful as say, Kyuubi.

>>       There was a moment of silence as Naruto blinked several times.
>> "I... I have no idea," he said quietly.  "I never thought about it
>> before."
>>       Silence fell again, only broken when Hojo began to laugh.
>> "Jiraiya, you clever bastard."
> 
> And so ends the last chapter. Not really a whole lot to say about the
> final confrontations; you still do fight scenes well, though the
> arrival of reinforcements was a little convenient. This also leaves
> Orochimaru in a pretty poor position, if the Rock ninja catch the
> approaching Sound with the Fuuma clan at their backs.

Yup.  Partly designed to "explain" why there weren't any Sound ninja
hanging around Orochimaru after the timeskip.  There's only so long he
can keep recruiting missing ninja and the like before he depletes the
supply of willing recruits, one way or another.

> I suppose i should say that this feels... unfinished. Things did come
> to a head, but it wasn't really a very strong climax to the story. It
> also went a little flat with regard to Sakura's relationships to the
> people that made her who she is by the end (Anko, her mother, Ren,
> Midori). I suppose that should be expected, to an extent, as things
> really _aren't_ finished, but still... not your best chapter, but i
> still enjoyed it ^_^;...

Yeah.  That's what I woried about, more or less.  It sounded better in
outline/concept form, but I don't think it came together in as
satisfying an ending as it should have.

Not quite sure how to fix it, though, but I'll see what comes to me when
I'm revising.

> That said, hopefully you got something useful from my inane ramblings,
> this time around. Now, on to the Epilogue!

Thank you very much for the C&C!

-- 
           Aaron Nowack
"Never let reality get in the way of a good hypothesis."
http://www.mimiru.net/